Marriage in Trouble
OK - married 8 years, have been together 11 years. my wife has slowly begun to change since early last summer. Her Blackberry never leaves her side - constant texting, emailing, Facebooking. She's always on her laptop. She gets up about 2 hours earlier than she used to, so she can talk to her "friends" in the early am, which necessitates naps throughout the day on her days off, and naps during evenings on days she works - which impacts time we can spend together. I calmly brought all this to her attention - she said I'm being controlling & that she is not giving up her friends. She does not drive, so she doesn't have much (if any) interaction with the outside world. I told her that if the roles were reversed, she surely would have a LOT to say about it. She also stopped showing me any affection and attention. I agreed to a compromise of not stopping her interaction, but make time for one another - she agreed. After this, things changed for a day or two, but then went right back to the new behaviors. I became suspicious and began checking her email. I found naked pics of some guy and I brought this to her attention. She denied it until I told her that I knew who it was, and if she didn't fess up, I would email the guy's wife. She finally admitted it but shrugged it off as "he's a pig & sends pics to a lot of women", that emailing his wife could ruin their marriage, and was worried about his kids. I was floored by her defending him. There had been some joking around with this guy that went a little too far, and the pics showed up. Made sense, so I let it go. A month passes after the pics incident, then I find an email to one of her other male friends - a confession letter about a new guy! Details were written of hot kissing, hands all over one another, and hot conversations via phone, text & email with some other guy that took place in July. They actually had a sex rendezvous planned, but by some devine intervention of my taking the night off from work, their plans got nixed. He then got cool and dumped her. Now, she tells the email recipient that she needs a hug & wants him to play with her hair the next time THEY see one another. WTF?!?!?!? I freaked. I have been dealing with her anxiety, going to ALL her therapy sessions with the psychologist, I drive her everywhere, have provided a lovely home, have been faithful, keep the house clean, do laundry, cook, and even pushed away my own family due to their evil antics/behavior. Our communication had always been very open, with very little arguing.
Well, I threw her out but she came running back. Her "beau" in the email is actually a director that works in my building. I want to dismember this guy, but it could impact my employment and also get me arrested. While she did not sleep with him, I'm crushed. I turned my family away, and she was really all I had left (we have no kids). She always worried about my being alone if she died (totally out of her control), and here she was almost ensuring that I would be alone, and she was in TOTAL control of her actions. I just cannot believe the selfishness of all her actions. Granted, I'm not perfect - I can get funny about things, but it quickly passes and I'm man enough to apologize ANY time I mess up. I used to get annoyed with people over stupid stuff, but I have worked with a therapist and have gotten much better with that. I've always loved her dearly - told her, showed her, always payed attention to her. Used to sing to her, show her a LOT affection, get doors for her. So much respect and love. Now this. My ambivilance runs high. I love her but I want to kill her at times when my mind gets thinking about all the sneaking around, and how she wanted to give up a pretty decent man (me) for someone else. I just dont get it.
NOW - I have been begun corresponding with some other gal, but don't want to get involved too far. I know having her on my mind does NOT help. She wanted to have a sex meeting between us, but I said no. After all I've been through, I actually had the strength to pass this up. She's a very caring, wonderful & beautiful gal too. She has offered to go with me to a specialist as I have a bone tumor on my knee. My own wife has not showed much interest in this, and did not even mention going with me.
I really love my wife and have been working hard to make things good again, but I don't know if my love for her is clouding my vision. Going on with her may cause me to end up getting me ulcers (already have new stomach issues), or worse case, an emptyness if/when she finally DOES ditch me for another conquest. She has a bad track record with men - affairs, promiscuity in her younger days, and this is her 2nd marriage (with me).
I've actually thought of just ending it all as I'm that miserable, but I have a stronger will to live. I just hoped it was going to be with her until we got old. I really want that.
Any words of wisdom or thoughts would be so appreciated. thank you kindly for reading my saga...