Married same man twice, should I divorce him again...

exuberantladyFebruary 8, 2008

I met my husband in college and we married several years later. The relationship had problems from the start. When I met him he had a child and I was not ready for a family. We dated and then got engaged in the first year. I was afraid of the ready made family thing at 23 years old, so I broke up with him an moved to Seattle. He followed me there and we got married three years later. Since then we have had two children together. We divorced after the first child and then remarried again and have since had a second child. The problem is that I don't like my husband, I think I never have. I think I left him the first time because I didn't like him. But I still married him and had two kids. My kids love him and I don't want to break up the family. We have attempted counseling over the years and it has always failed. We argue all the time and I think it is just a matter of time before someone cheats. What is wrong with me? Why I have stayed in a relationship with a man I don't really like or love for years. We live like roommates. I pay 50% of the bills, run a home business while I take care of my two year old daughter and five year old son. I do the cooking and the cleaning. We have almost no real life together and rarely enjoy each others company. Again I ask what am I doing wrong? What is wrong with me?

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What made you go back to him the second time? And, what makes you think you wouldn't go back to him again for that same reason?

I don't know what you are doing wrong, if anything. "What's wrong with me." Maybe nothing; do you hate to be alone and always need a man in your life? Maybe you're with him because you just need someone/anyone. Maybe it really is the kid factor.

Have you tried some alone time/date nights with him? I would guess it's very hard to spend quality time alone or be overly romantic with two little kids around.

Love feelings can come and go, but the fact that you don't even like him says a lot. Why don't you like him? Is it something he's doing or something he's not doing?

    Bookmark   February 8, 2008 at 11:56PM
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It might have more to do with your husband's, uh, neediness?, devotion?, obsession?, than with something being wrong with you.

You dated in college, got engaged, *broke up*.

One thought that occurs is that, since he "followed" you, you equated it with true love.

so you got married.

didn't work, so you *divorced*.

but he was still around, & after all he was your child's father, so you re-married, & now you have another child.

& now you're thinking about *divorce*.
Maybe you're together now because he's persistent & you (like so many of us) find it hard to say no.

Maybe you need some time alone, maybe some counselling alone, to see your own direction more clearly.

I wish you the best.

    Bookmark   February 9, 2008 at 12:45PM
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You probably feel really confused and overwhelmed with the way your life has worked out.

What sort of childhood did you have...was it happy and normal ?
What is it, specifically, that you don't like about your husband ?

    Bookmark   February 10, 2008 at 5:26PM
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I would explore if there is anything what you have in common and maybe focus on that, maybe you can like each other compnay again. Do you both like art, movies, exrecise, cooking, anything?

    Bookmark   February 11, 2008 at 8:53PM
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Your children are only learning to have unhealthy relationships. I feel soory for them. I think they would rather see their parents alone and peaceful instead of married and miserable. Please free those children from the dysfunction.

    Bookmark   February 19, 2008 at 9:30PM
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