We have been having trouble for several years. Recently, it has been really bad to the point where I have divorce papers, unsigned, in my room. (we are living in separate rooms) A couple weeks ago, my mother-in-law named his treatment of my as abusive: verbal, emotional, and physical. I know that's a strong word and thats probably why for years, I was never the one to say it. I don't end up with broken bones or black eyes, so I refused to truly believe that I was in that situation. Unfortunately, I know I am. He has called me every name under the sun from stupid to all kinds of curse words. He screams at the top of his lungs, literally inches from my face. He has broken at least 4 pieces of furniture and put holes in the dry wall. He broke his own hand on the door and dented a car with his knuckles. He never punches or slaps me, but he does shove me. I have had 2 falls from the shoves and bruising from being pushed out of bed. He threw our truck keys at me and they scratched my face. He has told me that I'm fat (5'7", 125 lbs), lazy, a horrible wife, etc. Its exhausting. After a particularly awful fight 3 weeks ago, he moved the furniture and banned me to an air mattress in the office. He also "suggested" very loudly that I get the divorce papers. He even checked on me and became more violent when I had not gotten them.
Through all of this, I came to peace with my situation and impending single life. I was ok with being on my own and even looking forward to the peace an quiet. I looked at it as an opportunity to be with someone who doesn't think I'm such a failure... ME! Unfortunately, I was not yet as strong as I thought I was and when he came to me last week telling me what a jerk he had been and that he knew he was wrong and would work on himself, I resisted for a couple days and then I believed him and started the painful process of trying again. One week, 3 ridiculous fights: 1 - its weird that I drink out of a straw; 2 - its weird that I turn my clothes inside out when I take them off and put them in the laundry basket; 3 - he's jealous of my success and swears I did nothing to earn it (ok, the 3rd one isn't ridiculous, its def more serious)
I don't have much more to give. I'm broken and battered and he swears I dont show him I love him. I am finding it more difficult to do that with each passing day. I still love him and probably always will, but I am looking out for me now. I just cant open up the way he wants me to when I'm constantly on the defensive.
I've read that crazy highs and lows are normal for an abusive relationship, but when we are happy, we are really happy. We have dreams. He is really close to accomplishing his major career dream. I don't want to lose the possibility of the happiness we share when everything clicks. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want him to lose sight or motivation of his dreams. At the same time, he has been telling me he's unhappy for years. I can't help but wonder if signing these papers will be better for both of us in the end. Maybe he'll grow up or find someone better suited for him or just be happier without me. I know I'll be happier without him. I just worry about him. I know it seems crazy. Believe me, I'm reading this too!
We've been married for 6 years, together for 8. I'm 25 yrs old, he's 26. And no, I didn't see this treatment before we got married, but it did start about 8 months after. However, I was 19 and now that I look back, I can see some definite signs. I was just too young to recognize them for what they were. We have no kids, but we have a dog and a cat who hide behind me when we fight. He gets mad and says that no one in the house likes him because they stay with me in my room. They love him, just not when he's scarey.
I was just wondering if anyone here has had similar experiences and had any suggestions. Also, this fight of the night is the jealousy and I have no clue how to respond. He's a smart, talented guy with a great career ahead of him, but when I tried to tell him that he got angry and said that I was trying to tell him what he was feel was wrong. We are military. He's been in 6 yrs and I've been in 2. He's enlisted, I'm commissioned. He's the one who encouraged me to go for the commission. If all goes well, he'll get his commission at the end of the year. But he's angry that (according to him), he has to work so hard while it was so easy for me. I don't appreciate all my years of hard work being disregarded, but I am trying to let that fly and do what I can to help. Unfortunately, I don't know what that is. It makes me wonder if all the verbal abuse is done in order to make him feel better about the job thing.
Sorry for the length, its been a long 6 years. I'm worn out and running out of options. Is there anything I can do about anything? I contacted the base chaplains today to set up some counseling, but I was wondering if anyone here could help me see things more clearly. I'm scared of ruining his life. I'm strong, so he can't ruin mine. I've kept on despite his issues. I'm just tired.