Marriage and Murder
Sometimes I have posted here in a joking or lighthearted way but this is serious, true and it is eating me alive, so please bear with me today as I get it off my chest.
My mother and father were married 71 years, until his death in Dec. She killed him.
She was just 16, he was 22 when they married. She was too immature for sex and so they did not consummate for quite some time. She married to get even with her parents, who she thought paid more attention to her brother, She was and has remained an extremely immature woman.
When my dad went to WWII, she fell in love with a married man. This affair continued about 20 years. I don't think he ever planned to get a divorce and marry her. I don't know his motives but I can guess. She thinks he was the love of her life. Meanwhile, my dad supported her (she never had to work), he put up with her sexual and emotional frigidity towards him, he worked a rotating shift 47 years and took her back when the affair came to light, forgiving her and swallowing the fact that she had played him for so many years. The other guy finally died of a heart attack.
The whole time I was growing up, all I ever heard from "Mom" was her constant complaining about Dad. He was the source of every trouble she had, real or imagined. In late middle age, she finally inherited a considerable sum of money, so she could have moved out or divorced him, she was financially stable, but no. She made his life hell with her yelling, fighting, bickering, etc. every day.
As for my dad, he had dependency issues, confused love with need and was probably a codependent. Okay, he was not perfect. But he did his duty by her and by all of us and he loved her. Why any man would take that kind of daily abuse is beyond my comprehension.
Last summer, we all realized that he was now very old and she was not able to take care of him anymore. (At age 93, he was not too active and she complained that he "did not do his share of the work" around the house.) He did not want to come and live with any of us "kids" nor did he want to go to assisted living. He wanted to stay in his own home that he had worked so hard for, so we arranged for caregivers to come in.
They almost immediately found that she had been poisioning him with with MiraLax and mineral oil and giving him food that would cause more severe diarrhea. She went to visit my brother out of state for a week and Dad cleared right up. So we confronted her about it (she denied) and we stepped up the caregivers to 24/7 shifts. They caught her shoving him when he was in his walker -he had a few suspicious falls, but he would not say what happened - and making him use the stairs, which was very hard with two arthritic knees. Once he fell and was bleeding and she would not call for help or help him herself.
Fianlly Dad began having pains and so my sister went there to take him to the doctor in person. We found out that he had been diagnosed with prostate cancer five years earlier and my mother had deliberatly NOT told him he had cancer and NOT followed up on what was clearly treatable cancer. He died Dec. 6th. His last words were of love for his murderer.
She was completely dry-eyed at the time and at the funeral. She is now living with my brother, who does not seem to be fazed in the least by all this. Probably because she changed the will to make him the main beneficiary. I do not call or write her. She knowingly killed my dad and she laughed about it the next day.
Okay, this is getting way too long, but bottom line, I thought I could handle it and I can't. She is 87, beginning to be senile, she will never be punished, in this world at least. So I guess you can get away with the murder of an innocent person and end a marriage the hard way.