Feeling Bitter

HowtohandleFebruary 2, 2012

Ive been married four years. The reason im here is to get some input. I have been reading alot of things on the internet trying to understand on how I should react to some of the things that are said to me. My husband was married for 31 years and his wife passed away in an accident. My husband said he was ready to get married again and now im not so sure. Althrough it maybe me im not sure thats why im here. He call me by his wifes name not alot maybe 7 times since we have been together. I tell myself be understanding they were together a lifetime. On a weekly basis I have to here him telling a secetary how he lost his wife and how he is trying to figure out all the paper work its been 5 years I have to here this so much that now i leave the room. He also is always saying that he doesnt no why it wasnt him and not her. I understand his loss and i am truly sorry . I was talking to a girl I had met and she was telling me that she had just gotten married and i told her how long I had been married and my husband over heard the conversation and walked over and said I was married before for 31 years and started telling her about the acciedent. I know this may sound like im looking into this to much but im living with it and i here it alot. I feel my husband is still greving and I understand but I also have feelings. He tells me he feels lost and cant seem to just get things going. I know he will never get over his loss. But dont my feelings count.

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Howtohandle, have you ever had an honest talk with your husband about how his constant bringing up of his former wife upsets you so. Said to him exactly what you told us here. That he needs counseling also because it is not healthy for him to live in the past now that he has a new wife. I know as we get older most people don't want to be left alone. But living the rest of your life under the shadow of another would drive me crazy and I could not do it. NancyLouise

    Bookmark   February 4, 2012 at 8:48AM
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I feel for both of you. In fact, I am amazed he re-married as he is clearly "stuck" in his grief.

I second the counseling. Initially I would suggest he meet with someone who can assess his state of mind. Is he depressed? Then he needs grief work to help him resolve the unfinished business relating to the death of his first wife.

Once there's movement on those issues, then couples counseling may be in order.

    Bookmark   February 8, 2012 at 5:01AM
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