Sharing Money Load

geoedwardsFebruary 6, 2009

Hi everyone. I just wanted to vent about my situation! My husband has always just given me a set amount of money for rent and bills every month. Recently, I told him that I needed more money and he flipped!!! I make way less than him at my job and I always seemed to manage with paying more of the bills. My kids are getting older and are going to need more things. He has agreed to give me more money 50/50 but he wants me to log every thing I spend and text him the very same moment that I spend money. The other day, my total didn't add up because I had forgotten to mention that I had put gas in my car, he was so upset that he kept bugging me at work all day about the total, I told him that I forgot to mention the money I used for gas. He is so upset right now that he is threatning to leave me and take me to court to get joint custody of our kids!!! :(

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asolo

Has your husband always been a loon, or is this new?

    Bookmark   February 6, 2009 at 6:07PM
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geoedwards

Asolo, he just started being crazy about money when I asked him for more!!! It is not like I am spending it on myself. I always buy stuff for him and the kids when they need something, like new shoes, etc. All I wanted was for him to be fair.

    Bookmark   February 6, 2009 at 6:16PM
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asolo

"He is so upset right now that he is threatning to leave me and take me to court to get joint custody of our kids!!!"

Loon! And possibly dangerous.

This is waaaaay over the line. Unless this is some kind of game you're accustomed to playing with him I STRONGLY urge you to protect yourself and your children. You've described bizarre behavior. Is he taking any medications?

There are all kinds of sensible, practical ways to deal with money issues. This isn't one of them.

    Bookmark   February 6, 2009 at 6:40PM
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colleenoz

Talk about control freaks!!! If anyone should be talking about leaving with the kids, it should be YOU. Who the he[[ died and made him king? Texting every time you spend money? That is so far off the scale of unreasonable it's scary. Normal married couples don't need to keep track of every cent each other spends, nor do they insist on an absolute unwavering 50/50 split of all finances.

    Bookmark   February 7, 2009 at 4:04AM
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biwako_of_abi

Up through the words "money 50/50," I had him pegged as just a control freak, albeit one who was willing to be fair, but now I agree, he sounds mentally ill and scary. I'd like to see the judge's reaction if he tries to get custody on the grounds that, just once, his wife forgot to report to him the expense of putting gas in her car! Hahahahahaha. But do be careful, in case his bizarreness starts being expressed in dangerous ways.

By the way, doesn't texting cost more money the more you do it? If so, then does he realize that his demands are increasing the household expenses? (I don't do texting, so I'm not sure about this.)

    Bookmark   February 7, 2009 at 3:15PM
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popi_gw

How long have you been married to him ?

Has he always been anxious about money ?

If these are not his children, maybe he is a bit resentful about spending money on them ?

    Bookmark   February 8, 2009 at 5:31PM
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geoedwards

I didn't mean to make him sound like a freak!! His explanation for giving me more money was that he was scared that I would spend it un wisely. My daughter isn't his biological daughter, but he has been in her life since she was a year old and she is five now. My son is his bio. child. He has never overreacted on anything else in the four years that we have been married.

    Bookmark   February 9, 2009 at 12:22PM
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asolo

"He has never overreacted on anything else in the four years that we have been married."

OK, then...something new. The reaction you've described is quite unreasonable. Back to the question about medication...is he on something? Can you think of what may be at work to engender this bizarre reaction to an everyday circumstance?

    Bookmark   February 9, 2009 at 12:32PM
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colleenoz

"He was worried [you] mght spend it unwisely." So what if you did? Normal couples should not have to be accountable to each other for every last cent of expenditure. Do you expect _him_ to text _you_ every time he spends money?
I can understand if you had a history of coming home with expensive frivolous purchases (new living room suite, Villeroy and Bosch dinner set for 24) but his reaction is waaaaaaay over the top. How about you reverse the tables- you give him half the housekeeping and let him worry about the bills.

    Bookmark   February 10, 2009 at 7:30AM
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geoedwards

I have never really spent a lot of money on things that were not needed. The money that I spend is usually on the kids like, clothing, shoes, stuff for school, or to take them to a fun place on the weekend. I work monday- friday and I don't get to spend but 2 hours with them everyday till they go to bed. He is a flight attendent and is home for about three days of the week and he will take them one day of the week for a fun day. I had a talk with him last night and we came to an agreement that I would give him money for half of the bills and he would have to make sure that everything is paid on time and he wouldn't question where the rest of the money goes!!! I need the break anyway, I do so much already. Thank you all for listening and giving me some pointers.

    Bookmark   February 10, 2009 at 11:02AM
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yaneverknow777

You need to sit him down and make him aware of the fact that you are a contributor to the family as much as he is regardless of the amount of $ you bring in.
He needs to respect you and allow you to enjoy the $ as well. Definite control issues. Counseling or a good awakening with soap bars in the pillow case may be in store. lol. just kidding.

    Bookmark   February 11, 2009 at 10:49AM
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catlettuce

Hmm, this is worrisome and he sounds very controlling which is one step away from abusive to me. I'd make a get away plan, keep it to myself and go when the time presents itself.

I wonder what he would do if you called his bluff and said go for it-see you in court! (really don't do this though it sounds as he has the potential to become violent!)

Have you discussed this with your family at all?

~Cat

    Bookmark   February 15, 2009 at 9:33AM
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susie100

I have always thought the most reasonable way to handle money issues regarding household issues is that each person contributes a percentage according their income. For example, if I make 30% of the total household income, I contribute 30%, the person who makes 70% contributes 70%.

    Bookmark   February 15, 2009 at 10:33AM
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scarlett2001

My experience has been that anybody can become a looney-control-freak-over-the-top-complete-madman when money comes into play. People just seem to lose their senses.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2009 at 4:05PM
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