I Need Some Perspective! Arguments related to kids.
I could really use a non biased input right now, because I am feeling so very angry with my husband right now and I fear I may be over reacting.
Some background: We have been married for about 5.5 years. We just moved areas to be close to my husband's job (again). This has left me jobless and friendless for the second time in six years. I think I do have some resntment about that, but supported the move and it was 50% my decision so not fair that I hold this against him.
I would say that overall we have a great relationship. There are the usual issues - I don't feel that he listens as well as he could, he definitely doesn't store a lot of the information I give him and occassionally denies any knowledge of a subject that i could have discussed with him at least twice. This makes me crazy, but I do think that men can be a bit like that (sorry!!).
We have a lot of love for one another, but I am worried about how quickly I can go from feeling totally loving towards him, to feeling like I can't stand him and just want to leave.
The main reason for this is that we can't agree whether or not we will have children. He has made it clear that he doesn't want any. I felt like perhaps I might want them and there have been plenty of arguments and tears (mine) about this subject. This is not a situation where I know for sure that I want children myself, but I want to have the OPTION. I want to be able to discuss it as a possibility. Not have the door totally closed. As it happens I can see a lot of my husband's points; kids are expensive, life changing things and we do have a pretty good life now. I think that there could be room in that life for a child, and he doesn't.
My latest anger has come from me asking him a stupid question last night. I asked him if he felt guilty for preventing me from having children.
He pondered for a moment and then said: 'no - why would I?'
For some reason this has made me furious. I feel like my feelings are of no account to him - that I try to see his point of view, but he makes no effort to see mine. He saw how angry I was and said that he thought the question was so stupid that he answered jokingly (doesn't seem very funny to me). He says now that of course he feels guilty about it. I do not believe him. I think that he feels bad for upsetting me again, but that he doesn't think about the kids subject at all unless I bring it up - despite the fact that I have told him that this is extremely important for me.
He says that he hasn't totally ruled out kids, but he is always making unpleasant little comments about them and he knows well that after my childhood I would never bring a child into the world that wasn't 100% wanted by both parents. He knows that if there is any hestitation on either of our parts, I would never risk it.
Right now it is less about the subject of having children or not. It's about the fact that to me he is coming across as extremely selfish and doesn't seem to take my feelings into account at all.
Am I being nuts about this? He is overall a loving and affectionate man and we like each other as well as loving each other. But it does seem like I am the one doing all the giving here. I don't want to force him to have kids or do something he doesn't want to do, but this " No - why should I" answer has really hurt my feelings.
Can someone please put this in perpective. It's valentine's day and I just got flowers delivered from him, but I still have all this anger from last night. I want to let it go and have a nice evening, but feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat.