Lending Children Money Causes Strain on Marriage
New to the Forum and looking for advice. Maybe I'm being unreasonable. Here's the background...
I met my husband eight years ago through work, we've been married for four. We both were successful in business and money is not an issue. That is... what is his is his, and what is mine is his. He's very controlling when it comes to the checkbook, but I'm not high maintenance and it is generally okay with me that he controls the money (we both had healthy bank accounts). We have three grown sons between us and I am close to my two boys. He cut his son off at eighteen, no extended education, and he works as a laborer, but makes decent money. Their relationship is strained. My sons went all the way through school and both have their Masters degrees. I am close to both of them. So my husband and I differ opinions on relationships with children once they've graduated High School.
My husband likes to pick at little things and has referred to me as stupid more than once (even though I have an IQ of 149). It bothers me, but I have always let it go.
Here's the story... My youngest son, an officer in the US Army currently serving in Iraq called me and asked me to wire him $1,000. They don't have access to a lot of cash over there. He told me when he got back he'd write me a check but his checkbook was in storage in Alaska. My son is very reliable so if I want him to pay me back there is no problem with him doing so. We wired him the money. Last week he was home on leave, which was a nice visit, and he thanked me for sending the money to him and told me he would get it back to me as soon as he got back from Iraq, next September. After my son left, my husband went ballistic, he demanded "his $1,000" and told me he didn't care if he was on his way back to Iraq or not I was to call him "now" and tell him to get "the money". I was in shock...I told my husband I would not call him and I told him I refused to have this conversation with him. We have not spoke for two days and it is killing me, but I feel my husband was way out of line on this one. Am I wrong? My son has never asked for anything from us before. I'm still stunned at this reaction from my husband.
I feel like this has done some serious damage to our marriage.