Conflict Resolution in Marriage

Carlotta_BullFebruary 21, 2002

A football coach at our local university recently lost his job. He & his wife got into an argument. She slapped him, he pushed her & she called the police. He was arrested (per domestic violence laws in TX) and his image was plastered over the news media. He was forced to resign as a result of the publicity & charges.

A very wise woman gave DH & I (before we got married) some very wise advice:

She said when DH & I got into an argument, if either of us even had the slightest urge to lay a hand on the other to LEAVE. Walk around the block, go to the grocery store, do anything, but GET OUT OF THE HOUSE and cool off. Then, when both parties had calmed down, discuss the issue as rational human beings.

We have done that for 13 years (not that we fight THAT often, lol) and it has been a successful method for us. The last one we had was a couple of years ago. We got into it, DH left. He came back & we glared at each other & I left. This went on for several hours. My DD asked what in the world was going on! I told her Daddy & I were fighting. She said "Looks to me like you're both taking turns leaving the house."

How do you handle arguments in your marriage?

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I'm DH's second wife. His first wife was one of those that goes to her mom's house when they have an argument. Not me! I'm in until the final count and will not let a disagreement drop until it's resolved. The first time we had a fight, he said, "Aren't you leaving?"

He thought all women went to Mom's.

Now, we disagree about few things, but if one of us is in a grumpy mood, we fight. Usually about pointless things because (a) I'm hormonal, and (b) DH is taking prednisone and gets very moody.

Usually, we argue, get heated, realize that the thing we are arguing about is STUPID, and we end up laughing!

We realized thru DH's illness that laughter solves lots of problems!

    Bookmark   February 21, 2002 at 5:27PM
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I RARELY get reeeeeeally mad, but when I do, I leave. I know that if I don't I will say something I regret. When I get that mad I just see red and I can't talk. So I go away -- usually for a couple of hours driving around in the car. Then when I've silently said all the mean things to myself, and had time to see things from his side, and generally cool down I return and we usually work things out. It helps that DH is afraid of me leaving one day and never coming back -- so he is usually a lot nicer when I get back. LOL! We've also gotten a lot better at just communicating -- rather than calling each other names and screaming, we'll say "I have no idea where you're coming from." If we say it with a dumb look on our faces it usually ends in laughter.

    Bookmark   February 21, 2002 at 9:21PM
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Rarely do I get fightin' mad but when I do I usually break something. And no matter how many of my buttons the boss lady pushes I never EVER lay a hand on her.
When SHE get's mad she has to calm down before she says anything. Usually, when we've both calmed down, we each listen to the other and end up reaching a compromise.

    Bookmark   February 22, 2002 at 11:53AM
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we both scream holler and cuss each other really loud but he has never laid a hand on me which is nice i can handle the screaming and cussing (mainly cause he cant outdo me on either)but my ex thought i was his own personal punching bag . fighting lets off a lot of steam esp. since DH tends to hold it in when hes mad

    Bookmark   February 25, 2002 at 6:40AM
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lifes to short to fight! besides my wife knows iam perfect! thats my story and iam stickin to it.

    Bookmark   March 11, 2002 at 8:34PM
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Your wife is a lucky woman!


    Bookmark   March 11, 2002 at 9:25PM
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I walk out when we have a doosey. He usually says and don't come back. Well then I have to return just to spite him lol. I usually go shopping and buy myself something that usually spites him also. Thank god Wal-Mart is open 24 hours.

    Bookmark   March 13, 2002 at 9:41AM
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Arguments are good. DH and I work together (own business) and many of our disagreements are business related. Its a productive thing because we can get out all the sides of the coin and hash it out until we come to a workable solution. The things we argued about when we were newlweds don't matter. I used to get so hurt if we had an argument that I would cry for days and he would be so sorry, and apologetic!!! Its great that we're past that point. Now, I love a good mental go around.

    Bookmark   March 15, 2002 at 5:23AM
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