No Sex With Affectionate Husband

BabyloniaFebruary 28, 2013

I've read quite a lot of the forum postings having to do with own situation. A few years ago out of frustration and years of trying many different approaches, I told my husband that although I still loved him very much, because he seemed not to want nor even need sex nor even have desires for sex I was going to stay married to him but have as many affairs as I wanted, even love affairs, if possible, for I don't enjoy sex without love, that I wasn't going to inform him or tell him anything at all and not to ask. If he didn't like it, then "man up" and be normal or otherwise get a divorce. I wasn't going to live like that anymore.

We had a long discussion. He wasn't upset. He said, "Just don't tell me, and I won't ask. Don't let me know, and I won't be upset."

Since then I've had several sexual affairs and one love affair, on-going, with a man who already had a long-term partner (not married). I'm as happy as I can be and certainly not sexually frustrated. On the contrary. I still love my husband, but I cannot believe he would pass up the delights of sexual love for close encounters with his t.v., hunting rifle, fly-rod, and wood-working tools.

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suzieque

Thanks for sharing, I guess.

    Bookmark   March 2, 2013 at 4:52PM
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mkroopy

Yeah, suzieque's response pretty much sums it up for me too...

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 3:47PM
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amyfiddler

So you have a roommate with tax benefits.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 5:33PM
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zzita

I'm glad you two found a solution that works better for you than the alternative. I hope it keeps working out :).

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 8:15PM
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Patty_N

How can a man not want sex!!?

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 10:00PM
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LuAnn_in_PA

Maybe he does... but not with her!
That MIGHT be why he's okay with HER affairs...

    Bookmark   March 6, 2013 at 8:29AM
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mkroopy

LuAnne, I was gonna go there but you beat me to it. I guess if the situation works for both of them and they are happy, so be it.

    Bookmark   March 6, 2013 at 10:19AM
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amyfiddler

Patti, lots of reasons.

Gay men who marry women often will stop wanting to have sex.
Men who were sexually abused may have sexual issues.
Men who are having affairs often change their sexual behavior in a marriage.
Depression will inhibit sex for men.
ED will increase anxiety about sex and reduce desire.
Men who are treated poorly by their wives will sometimes withdraw sexually.

    Bookmark   March 6, 2013 at 1:04PM
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lee676

or your body just stops working in your 40s and you completely lose interest.

I'm about ready to deal with it the same way babylonia's dh did. (but minus the rifle and fly rod)

    Bookmark   March 7, 2013 at 5:28AM
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kanchu

As reading your post, its seems that the attraction of your both has been nearly to decreased. you have to find out the reason behind it. as you said u still love him,and that's a very good point to stay together.

    Bookmark   June 17, 2013 at 1:49AM
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scarlett2001

There are more marriage "arrangements" like this than you think. At least she is honest.

    Bookmark   June 26, 2013 at 1:26AM
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gardeningisbliss

There are also many medications (anti-depressants, high blood pressure meds, etc) and other medical conditions besides depression that can reduce sex drive, especially as one gets older.

To each their own. If this arrangement works for the OP and her H, then good for them. I think many people buy into the "fairy tale" of marriage, the idea that you will meet your "soul mate" in young adulthood/barely older than a child, who will fulfill all your needs for the rest of your life in perfect monogamy. It's ridiculous.

Life is a lot of things, a fairly tale it is not.

    Bookmark   July 3, 2013 at 5:41PM
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scarlett2001

Amen to that.

    Bookmark   July 5, 2013 at 1:44AM
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