Anybody know what the deal is here?

sam3996February 23, 2008

My husband drives a truck, but usually gets home on the weekends. He spends alot of time on the computer and is always looking at nude/naked women and porn. It makes me feel resentful towards him because I dont feel attractive since he does look at other women all the time. Most of the time I get sleepy cause it's late and I just go on to bed and fall asleep.

Even at 1:30 am or 2:30 am, he is still online looking at naked women. Whenever he does get in the bed, he wants to have sex. I dont want sex when that happens because he is turned on looking at other women, NOT turned on at ME.

Other times, he just isnt interested or initiates sex at all. He sleeps on the edge of the bed, watches tv or pets the dog. The only time he touches me is to do something I HATE like nipple pinching. Its so agravating that I just want dont want to be around him.

Whenever we do have good sex, it was because I started the whole thing by forcing him to lay down while I do all the work. I dont feel that he is attracted to me at all because he never "starts it" unless he's been looking at porn.

I feel that porn is disrespectful to your spouse. I dont have pin ups of guys or have to look at naked guys on the computer.

Is this just me ? or what in the world is his deal! Anybody else with this problem?

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asolo

Sounds to me as if you're married to a serious jerk. Nobody likes to be treated this way -- at least not every single time. Total bummer!

I'm not there, of course, but from your description, I doubt it's "just you". Have you shared your observations/concerns with him? What is his response? Is his relationship with you purely sexual and nothing else?

    Bookmark   February 23, 2008 at 11:33AM
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sam3996

The only thing I can think of is that he is just addicted to porn and naked women. I guess I have myself to blame for marrying a truckdriver. I have dicussed all of this with him. He says he is attracted to me, he say's he enjoys the marriage. But he says that if another woman is showing, he's gonna look. HE says that other women is just eye candy and thats all. But here is my point of view... I dont need any eye candy. I dont even notice other men nor am I a bit distracted if a guy walks around in a pair of speedos. If a women walks by my husband in bathing suit, he cant take his eyes off of it and also expresses out loud to me how HOT that woman is. Seems to me that he is still window shopping. Sometimes I feel really tempted to do something to make him jealous.

    Bookmark   February 23, 2008 at 11:49AM
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asolo

Men are typically visual and "attractions" are all around all the time. Fact of life. However, what you're describing is consistently bad behavior combined with an unreasonable amount of time spent in pursuit -- at the expense of his relationship with you. IMHO, this is both immature and extremely inconsiderate. The degree you seem to be describing is quite unreasonable. Your man has a problem. If doesn't/can't recognize/acknowledge that, you certainly do have a problem.

    Bookmark   February 23, 2008 at 12:04PM
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sylviatexas1

Someone who doesn't have any sexual interest in you unless you're asleep & he can wake you up & treat you badly is not interested in your feelings or your sexual fulfillment;
he's using you for his.

& his sexual fulfillment depends on causing you pain.

Doing something that causes your partner pain, unless the partner likes pain, isn't just inconsiderate, it's aggression.

You need to research sadism & passive aggression (sleeping on the edge of the bed & petting the dog);
this kind of thing usually escalates, it doesn't get better, it gets worse.

When pinching your nipples (don't know any woman who likes that) doesn't get him that excited any more, what's next?

swatting, slapping, biting, cutting...

    Bookmark   February 23, 2008 at 12:33PM
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asolo

"....using you..."

This is what's happening. In this way, you've become a sexual surrogate rather than a wife. His fantasies seem to be moving along without you....except for your being an unwilling partner in it. I call that "using" rather than sharing.

Different people have all kinds of different sexual proclivities. As long as its mutual, that's fine. However this one-sided behavior you've described is extremely inconsiderate.

    Bookmark   February 23, 2008 at 1:04PM
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sam3996

On my husbands cellular phone he had a picture of a nude woman sprawled out on top of a car. I asked, "why do you have that pic on your screensaver, looks like you could have found something else." He replied, "I didnt download the picture because of the naked woman, I just liked the car."

So I went on my cell phone and put a really sexy naked man laying on a white sofa for my screensaver. (I didnt say anything about it, just let him find it.) He asked, "You dont like me looking at naked women and here you are with a naked man on your phone."

I said, "I just liked the white sofa".

Ha Ha Ha He He He He Ho Ho Ho

    Bookmark   February 23, 2008 at 5:30PM
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vicki546

Have you checked his computer out to a tee? I mean, history, harddrive, secret emails ect? I wouldn't trust that he's just looking at porn late at night, every night. There are too many chat-rooms, single sites, messagers, and he has the whole house to himself to do whatever he wants to do.

I have to agree with the others here.... He sounds like he's just being a jerk. I mean, I understand the visual thing, believe me, but to look at other women right in front of you, and to make those type of comments? Wow!!

You said you were thinking about doing something to get his attention? I think I'd do it, and do it fast... He don't deserve you in my opinion....

    Bookmark   February 24, 2008 at 8:12AM
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finedreams

what a moron

    Bookmark   February 24, 2008 at 10:15AM
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Jonesy

I have put up with a lot in my marriage of many years, but that is one thing I won't put up with. I am lucky my husband was a very kind man. He brought a porn flick he bought at a garage sale, I watched a little of it and wouldn't watch anymore. He never watched it again, unless it was while I was away. I think it is degrading to all women and I understand that some men may need more stimulation than others..... But I still would not put up with it. My Sister and her husband only wanted two kids, when the time came for birth control, he said abstaining was all his beliefs allowed him. She found out a few years later, his computer was full of porn, she deleted it all and left him. He decided he had rather have her than the naked ladies. I told her his computer would have been in pieces on the driveway when he comes home if I had been married to him.

    Bookmark   February 24, 2008 at 1:18PM
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