Sexless Marriage 2
In response to the previous thread "A Sexless Marriage"
I think I'm the only one with the worst story. I have been married for 8 years and we only had sex ONCE (that was with medication) on the 4th of our marriage. I feel betrayed because he lied to me about this from the begining and do nothing about this. I didn't know he has problem with sex until I cleaned up his cabinet and found lots of paper from the doctor after a year of marriage. He even panic when I started to touch him or kiss him. The peak is when we reached our 5th marriage.
I went back home to my country by myself. I missed him so bad until I get back home to the US again. I really want to touch him and all but that didn't happen. I was so pissed and frustrated. I tried to talk to him about this matter and he went ballistic. I talked to him nicely but he just gone mad. I cryed and angry for the whole year and maybe until now. I would avoid him to go to bed together at the same time. We are still sleep in the same bed and room. I really dont want him to touch me anymore so I don't have to feel the desire to touch him back.
I feel like he is my roomate and a brother more than a huband. The one I dont understand is why he doesn't do anything. Does he care about me? Does he want to live this way? Im 31 years old and he is 47 years old. Physically, he doesn't look like 47 instead of 37 with fit body and all but all that to waste.
Im thinking about leaving him but I couldn't. I just doesn't have the heart to leave him. I always thinking who's going to take care of him when I left. I know I can take care of myself alone but him? Sometimes I wish I can be so cold hearted and just thinking about myself selfishly.
Nobody know this matter. I just keep it for myself. I can't stand it anymore. I took a very dangerous job to forget all my problem as an officer. I figure, I better help somebody else better than I commit crime. I don't want to cheat on him or betray him that way. I don't know how long I can stay this way. I feel happy when I do my job. In my job, I can forget about the sadness in my life. It's sad how I can help people but noone can help me.
He support me in anyway including the way I choose my job as my career. I can make friends with anyone I like and he never forbid me with anything. This is the reason why I stay in this marriage. Sometimes Im just thinking to have an affair but that doesn't feel right. I have an "almost" moment with my male friend but that didn't happen because it didn't feel right. I have several chances to cheat but I ignored all of it.