Husband is watching porn because my menopause zapped my libido

tazmoanaJanuary 29, 2011

I have caught my husband more then once doing his thing awhile watching porn on the computer. He is self employed and is home a lot. I work 9-5 M-F. Our house is a mess. He has ADHD ( adult) and I have had a series of major illnesses - cancer, Hep C, RH, I was in a car accident and have neck disks bulging, two lumbar disks bulging, and a torn meniscus that needs to be operated on. I have ZERO sex drive. My husband seemed to be ok with it. Little did I know that he was doing this porn thing...

I am devastated because all of my health issues ate not my fault. I am doing whatever my doctors tell me to do. I supply him with all of his health insurance and I have managed to save quite a sum of money so we can retire and live well. And now tis... I am 1-2 years away from retiring.

What should I do? He will not talk to me about this. I am so hurt and embarrassed be use I have stuck up for him over and over again when others (mostly my single women friends) would tell me that all men are pigs and all they think about is sex, etc... I would say "not my husband" he would never hurt me that way. Well it is a bunch of garbage. He has, and i feel like i have been punched in the gut. My priority is to get healthy. If that means no sex because it hurts, i dont have the desire and other reasons, what am i expected to do, fake it? Any advice out there? I think I should get a divorce because he is not helping me. I know men have "needs" but is that all there is for them? Get their orgasm no matter what the cost is to the relationship?

I am devastated because all of my health issues are not my fault. I am doing whatever my doctors tell me to do. I supply him with all of his health insurance and I have managed to save quite a sum of money so we can retire and live well. And now tis... I am 1-2 years away from retiring.

What should I do? He will not talk to me about this. I am so hurt and embarrassed be use I have stuck up for him over and over again when others (mostly my single women friends) would tell me that all men are pigs and all they think about is sex, etc... I would say "not my husband" he would never hurt me that way. Well it is a bunch of garbage. He has, and i feel like i have been punched in the gut. My priority is to get healthy. If that means no sex because it hurts, i dont have the desire and other reasons, what am i expected to do, fake it? Any advice out there? I think I should get a divorce because he is not helping me. I know men have "needs" but is that all there is for them? Get their orgasm no matter what the cost is to the relationship?

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
tazmoana

Sorry the initial message has double sentences and mis-spelled words. I think you all get the gist of what I am asking. I am so hurt. Crushed. I don't know what to do. If I say I still love him, which I do, you will all think "why"? But I do love him. He has many good, wonderful qualities. But when it comes to tis, he is the worst. I am not speaking to him right now. I am looking into divorce. And I will continue to take care of myself because that is what I must do. Obviously he is not the partner and soul mate I thought he wad. He is very selfish.

    Bookmark   January 29, 2011 at 7:53PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
cube1067

You really feel that he should give up his desire for sex because YOU don't want sex any longer? He owes you his libido because your job gives him all the benefits.
Hubby should find a discreet other woman who has no desire to take him away from you. He should build "away" time into his schedule so as not to cause you any alarm, have occasional discreet visits, and come home to you a more happy man, willing to do housework.
Or are you saying he should not find a way to make himself happy sexually? His sexual pleasure should be a thing of the past, since it is a thing of the past for you. He owes it to you to suffer too, is that what you are saying.

    Bookmark   March 9, 2011 at 5:57PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
Weird Adrenalin Rushes
I'm brand new to this wonderful forum, and wondering...
Robbie_WY
spotting after menopause
Hi, 53 1/2 yrs old, started spotting this week. Had...
clyo
question about estrace cream
Is estrace cream a bio-identical hormone? Is it safe...
cindy_pond
All the symptoms I've experienced!!!!!
Well Ladies, Where do I begin to tell you of all the...
pudd
Cramping, but no periods
I'm just wondering if this is a common part of entering...
dee_can1
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™