Did you marry 'the love of your life'?

Carlotta_BullFebruary 26, 2002

When I was getting my haircut the other day, I read a magazine article. They interviewed women who had lost fiancees on September 11, at WTC & on the planes. Many of them had wedding dates set & one of the guys had bought the girl an engagement ring, which he had given to his parents for safekeeping. The overwhelming feeling of these women was that they had lost the love of their life.

Most of them will recover, marry and have successful marriages at some point, but it won't be to "the love of their life" because that person is lost forever to them.

That got me to thinking, how many people actually marry the "love of their life?"

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I did marry the love of my life... but not my first one. LOL! I had another one, but we both knew that we would never "work" as a couple. He was too troubled, and I moved on with my life. I always had the feeling that if he ever came to me and needed anything, I would give it to him. I had a special place for him in my heart. When he died two years ago, I felt a little piece of me go with him. But my husband is the ONLY person I have ever completely trusted, and the ONLY person I think I could live with on a daily basis, and I DO love him with all my heart... so in more ways than one, he is the love of my life. I think everyone has that one special someone ("the one who got away"), who lingers for the rest of your life. But I don't believe that that would prohibit you from having just as great (if not better) a love with someone else.

    Bookmark   February 26, 2002 at 7:36PM
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IMHO I married the love of my life. I had dated several guys in high school but all of them were inmature and didn't know what love and romance was all about. I was introduced to my DH and we hit it off right away. So much so that he proposed two weeks after we met and I accepted but we dated for a year before we married. We will be married 26 yrs. at the end of May. We both can't imagine what life would be like without the other.

    Bookmark   February 27, 2002 at 3:19AM
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I'm with Mausie. I am married to the "real" love of my life, but not my only love. It scares me, because I was "madly in love" in my early 20s to the wrong guy. If he had proposed, I think I would have said yes at the time, but it would have been a mistake, we were NOT compatible, but I adored him! My current husband is such a good "mate" for me, I can't imagine meeting anyone else who's a better match, so I feel very lucky. But I do remember ending the first love and thinking, "I'll never love like that again." I am so glad I waited until later (30) to get married.
My heart goes out to those women. Also the ones who've had babies with missing fathers. That is true heartbreak, without their choice in the matter, I'm sure they'll have a harder time getting over those lost loves - I hope they believe they can love again.

    Bookmark   February 27, 2002 at 10:52AM
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Carlotta-I can't think of anything sadder then having your fiancee die before the wedding date. It will always be a "what could have been" I think that along, with my grief would really just kill me. There are two guys that I wonder what might have been if I stayed with them, but I know DH is the one that is truly "right" for me!

My Dh is the love of my life. It's not a mushy gushy/soap opera love with fireworks everyday, but definitely love. He is my best friend and I can always count on him. We love to just spend time together-doing something or nothing at all!

    Bookmark   February 27, 2002 at 11:00AM
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i'd always believed in love at first sight and once read something about folks having 3 great loves in their lives, the third one being "it" and i remember feeling that reasoning applied directly to me. There were two other men i thought were the love of my life, yet at the same time i knew they weren't. The first moment i laid eyes on DH i felt my world change forever, it was like being hit with a sledgehammer only it didn't hurt, and my first coherent thought was, ohBOY! am i in trouble! Not long after he told me he'd become interested as we spoke over the phone (he's a mechanic and actually i had too because he didn't laugh at my attempts to describe the noise the car was making) and when he saw me for the first time that day he said he definitely felt the connection, said it was electric heehee! so yes, i do believe i've married the love of my life and my heart aches for those women who've lost theirs

    Bookmark   February 28, 2002 at 9:07AM
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I did! I still fondly remember my first real "crush" (which might be borderline obsessive, now that I look at it LOL) in junior high - I pined away for that boy for three years! But there was something totally different about DH from everyone else - I still remember the first time I saw him - at the salad bar! - and what I was thinking: "This guy in front of me is so tall I can't see around him. But he has great hair!" I still remember doing the double take when i first saw him up close. And I didn't even know him. For him to make those impressions on me when he could've just been another face in the crowd says a lot, I think. He is so gentle and sensitive, and never rushed me or expected anything of me. I knew early on that he was "the one" (which kind of scared him, I think) and my feelings never changed. When he told me awhile ago that he loves me more now than ever, I couldn't exactly understand: but now I do. It's truly indescribable.

    Bookmark   February 28, 2002 at 10:53AM
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Yes I did. He accepted my daughter as his own, and is (usually) wonderful. Of all my friends, he's the one they all envy, won't say he's perfect (far from it), but he is the love of my life.


    Bookmark   March 1, 2002 at 2:44PM
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I can't imagine getting married for any other reason. I believe that I definately married the true love of my life. Though we live in a small town, I had never noticed him, mostly because he is older than I. I remember the first time I met him and the feeling I had right away. After that, fate took over and come to find out his best friend was a good friend of mine's brother. I was 14 then and knew waaay before I graduated that he was the one. We will be married 8 years this Oct. He is my best friend and a wonderful husband and Dad to our 2 year old DD and the one on the way. Though he is not perfect, he is my Prince Charming.
I almost lost him 4 years ago in a hunting accident and it really makes you understand what it could be like without them.
My heart goes out to those women.
Thanks for a great post.

    Bookmark   March 1, 2002 at 4:04PM
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Hmm, Vickey said it all for me! He must be his brother - lol.
It was even the closest thing to love at first sight for me. And I am 8 years older than him. Together now 8 years.


    Bookmark   March 4, 2002 at 11:34AM
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Yes definitely! Not only is DH the love of my life, he is also my best friend.

    Bookmark   March 6, 2002 at 10:24PM
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My answer will vary from the above. YES I did, but we
are having relationship troubles. Last week I told her
I am ready to end it all. Spent 3 weeks trying to decide.
This threw her into a panic and we've decided to work
on things a bit harder. But the strangest thing is that
I knew I would miss her forever. I now believe we can't
always be with the love of our life. Though I'm grateful
to have found mine. And after I heard how she felt about
me leaving, maybe I'm hers.......

    Bookmark   March 7, 2002 at 6:23PM
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Can't say. My life isn't over yet. Ask me when I'm 90. I could say he's the love of my life so far. Honestly - I don't think I could ever love another man like this, but as I see my friends losing their husbands to various diseases and circumstances at young ages I see that they can start over again. I don't think I could but that will remain to be seen. So much effort goes into a new relationship. I'm too set in my ways to start all over.

    Bookmark   March 15, 2002 at 5:27AM
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Yes, I absolutely did, but, also, it took me twice to get it right.


    Bookmark   April 27, 2002 at 12:50AM
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Yes... I do think I married the one who was meant to be my soul mate forever.. Sometimes I think we marry the wrong soul mate.. thinking that it was the right one... THEN, by some fate, we figure it out and correct our mistakes... ...

Okay..okay.. maybe not?? .. but, you must admit.. it sounded good huh? haha!!

    Bookmark   April 27, 2002 at 2:51PM
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i did marry the love of my life

the reason i think i know is that i said 'yes' to another guy, a guy i loved very much (and still have a little room in my heart for) but i knew it would never work because he is American, i am British and one of us would have had to give up everything, it was just no good.

My dh and i were going in the same directions, to the same places, and i guess we decided to tag along with each other, LOL. he is the love of my life because we share our lives and i have grown to love him more and more as time has gone on.

hang on a minute tho...i would have given everything up for my DH, moved to the moon if i had to...so i guess i didn't love the first guy as much as i thought i did!!

i think you know you've met the love of your life when there's no question of what you will do to be together...

Ed xx

    Bookmark   April 29, 2002 at 8:41AM
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I haven't posted here before (I don't think)

My answer is no...I didn't...

BUT...I have loved my husband most of my life...36 yrs this month.

And am glad I found him...he's much better for me that the guy I thought I wanted so bad.

    Bookmark   May 2, 2002 at 11:01PM
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no , neither time the love of my life lives in the next town with his wife that he cares for but dont love. We could just never get it right he was single i was married to my ex when i met him he said that i would never leave my ex due to the kids he was wrong by the time i got rid of my ex he was married to someone he cared for .... sigh maybe one day

    Bookmark   May 5, 2002 at 9:13PM
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Yes, now I would have to say I did. We were high school sweethearts and got married at age 19. After 25 years (last year) things got rocky and we separated...I realized, then, that he was the love of my life and also my very best friend. We've been back together 7 months and are more in love than ever! Yes, I married the love of my life.

    Bookmark   May 13, 2002 at 9:03PM
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NO! But I wonder if I new what love was at 20 years old? Took me a long time to get over my first love.
I'm married now to a wonderfull man and can say that if I had to do it over again. I'd Choose the man I'm with now. .

    Bookmark   May 28, 2002 at 2:07PM
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Love of my life, Best Friend and Soul Mate!

    Bookmark   June 6, 2002 at 9:48PM
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NO.But I've matured alot since then and even though I have never really cared for anyone in that same whole-hearted,selfless,completely trusting sort of way I have learned alot from the experience.I was crazy about the person and I still have dreams about him from time to time but I know what kind of person he truly is now but it still took a long ,long time to get over.I even still have a real hard time being anywhere in the same vicinity of this person.

    Bookmark   November 15, 2002 at 9:43AM
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Unfortunately, no.

    Bookmark   November 20, 2002 at 2:30AM
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Not the first time, but I don't think you know what love is when you are young. If you get it right when you are young you are probably in the minority and very lucky.

I had been divorced for about 5 or 6 years when I met DH. He was married. I had to be content just to talk to him as a friend at work every week or so. I made sure he never even guessed. I said to myself that if anything ever happened to his wife "He belongs to me." About 7 years later he lost his wife whom he loved very much. We were married a year later and he is definitely the love of my life and my best friend. He is the finest person I have ever met in my entire life.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2002 at 12:50PM
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My husband is definitely the love of my life. We knew each other NINE days before we were married. We were absolutely positive that we were perfect for each other. After 20 years I still want to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming!

    Bookmark   December 18, 2002 at 6:00PM
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Yes, I married the TRUE love of my life. My DH is a sweet, loving man and I have never loved anyone the way I love him or been loved by anyone the way he loves me. He is my true love, my best friend, and my soul mate. I cannot imagine being without him and would go to the ends of the earth for him and with him.

But he is the second love of my life. The first love of my life was my first love. I met him when I was 16, he was 16, we were young, but I knew I loved him and it wasn't just a crush. We had a great relationship for about a year, didn't "date", but we courted. ( he was living with his cousin, who just happened to be the pastor of our church! So a courtship it was! ;) Then we split, he moved away, and we didn't talk for a while. I graduated from high school, dated other guys on and off, thinking of him the whole time. I heard from him every now and then... We got back together during my first year of college, but it was a long distance relationship and we didn't see each other very often and it killed me. I loved him very much, but I couldn't take the pain of not seeing him. So I told himn we would be better off as friends. It killed him, and me, but I went on with life... and one day I met this wonderful, handsome man... and knew that my life had just changed forever. DH said he felt the same way about our first meeting - he stepped out in the hall after meeting me for the first time (we were at the college I attended), leaned against the wall for support and kept thinking "She's the woman I'm going to marry!"

I am still friends with my first love, he knows that I have been happily married for 5 years now - I know his sweetie-pie of a girlfriend, and I'm glad he's happy.


    Bookmark   January 9, 2003 at 8:32PM
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The love of my life had took off for the west coast, but when God closes a door, He opens a window........and in came "Mr.Perfect"

    Bookmark   October 25, 2006 at 6:15PM
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I don't really believe in one "love of one's life". I think it has more to do with how willing you are to work at a relationship and be flexible and understanding. I expect that most of us could be married to other people (if we had met them) and we'd be quite happy (if we worked at it). And I don't think ANY relationship is maintenance free. If you sit back thinking "I married my soul mate!" and don't make any effort...well. Hope you got a good lawyer.

Personally, I married one guy I thought was heaven sent. I was green as a gourd and he was SO wrong for me. We made each other miserable for 16 years and then I left. Then I married a guy who is very reasonable. And we work through things. And life is pretty good. Not perfect. But pretty good.

    Bookmark   October 26, 2006 at 9:52PM
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No! Still waiting! I was married for 13 years to my best friend, had two beautiful children and have been divorced for almost 20 years. I think when you are young, you can confuse love with many things. We were best friends from 4th grade all the way through high school. We dated other people and were even engaged to other people. But we were always there for each other through good and bad times. I guess it felt safe, stable, etc....

No regrets! But have always wanted to find "the love of my life".

    Bookmark   January 7, 2007 at 5:36PM
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I don't believe in "soul mates". I think it is all about timing and how hard you are willing to work. My xH and I had a real bond. But there were serious issues with his family (MIL from hell), and we just didn't have the guts to get through it (we were young and thought if it was right it would be perfect. We were stupid.). I bumped into him years later and he told me his family did the same thing to his second wife that they did to me (she is the opposite of me in most ways, but they discovered a whole new litany of flaws) and he saw the pattern and basically cut ties with his parents. He and I almost moved cross country at one point. I still think if we had we would still be married.

    Bookmark   January 7, 2007 at 9:40PM
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The first one I married was the devil.

The second time around, I knew what not to look for. I met DH through an online dating service about 3.5 years after my divorce. I was alone for most of those 3.5 years because I had to figure myself out. DH took me totally by surprise. I never expected that I would love someone so much and that someone would love me back, the way I deserve to be loved. He is the most wonderful man I have ever known.

    Bookmark   January 8, 2007 at 7:40PM
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I married "the love of my life" in the early 70s. He was the love of my life, but we weren't able to live together and it ended many years later.

For husband number two, I married someone who is smart, interesting, even-tempered, gentle, kind, and sensitive. I love him but for this marriage, I decided it's okay to ask your heart AND your head if you're marrying the right guy.

I think it's more important to find someone you can live with than to find "the love of your life."

    Bookmark   July 31, 2007 at 10:15AM
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No....I did not.

    Bookmark   September 3, 2007 at 12:56PM
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I thought I did. I seriously thought I married my soulmate. I realized, after marriage, that he is not the good communicator that I thought he was........he was just more of a talker. His whole family is like that, with him being the least like that. There are so many differences between us that I really thought didn't matter because we loved each other so much. The chemistry was unreal. Just a lesson to everyone. Don't ignore the differences. Look at them very closely before marriage and decide whether you can really really live with them. When the chemistry starts to fade away...do you really respect them as a person....their character. I once read............Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half closed after. I think those are wise words!

    Bookmark   September 5, 2007 at 6:01PM
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Yes I did. We got togather when I was 15, married when I was 18, still going strong almost 14 years later:)

    Bookmark   September 9, 2007 at 11:40PM
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I am envious of those who did!! Like I said .......I thought that I did when I first married him. I thought he was my soulmate. Honestly! Turns out I was wrong. Those who did are so very lucky ---don't forget that! Keep things going strong and don't take each other for granted!

    Bookmark   September 12, 2007 at 10:34PM
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When one is young and idealistic and falls in love - and then the object of their love dies, like the 9/11 people, that lost love begins to take on huge proportions and they become so perfect, so wonderful that nobody else could ever, ever fill their shoes. I'm speaking from experience here. I never had to deal with the thousand daily things that kill romance, and my lost perfect love will aways be a clean, noble, shining hero. But that is not reality. It's not a healthy thing to stay in love with a dream and ignore real life.

    Bookmark   September 17, 2007 at 9:08PM
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I did...we have been together for almost 10 years, have 2 kids, have been through very rough times and difficulties and he still gives me butterflies. He sent me a text message today, out of the blue, that said I LUV YOU. The butterflies are still fluttering !!!

    Bookmark   September 18, 2007 at 3:44PM
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