Help, I'm desperate
I am a migrant in Australia and I've been here for five years. In these five years, many things changed. I've lost my beloved grandfather and mother, who loved me dearly and gave me a lot of mental support. My grandmother, who used to love me a lot, has a dementia and doesn't know what's going on around her. My father walked out on us before my mother died of cancer and is now living with another woman. After my mother passed away last year, I feel like a virtual orphan, and hope that I can have support from my husband, someone I feel not reliable at all.
Let's meet his family first. His father migrated to Australia more than ten years ago alone and has had two other children, a boy, 9 and a girl, 7. His father is never a responsible person, who used to abuse his mother. He gambles a lot, and doesn't care for his current wife. My parents-in-law got divorced as soon as my husband's family got to Australia. My mother-in-law isn't a nice person either, she's very unfair, and she treats my s-i-l and her bf like queen and king and treats me like a nobody. She shows the unfairness in even some trivial things. (I am good to her; I work hard, earn reasonable salary and buy her a lot of things) But now I hate her. My s-i-l and bf are very unreasonable. We live together and havent been talked to each other for over 6 months. Home is like hell!!
Well, what about my husband? He doesn't smoke, drink or go out a lot. He cares for me sometimes. He gets up half an hour earlier every day to drive me to the station; picks me up there and reminds me of things I should take with me. But other than these, he's a mess:
1. He's untidy. He doesn't shower everyday, which makes me sick. I've bought him a whole luggage of new clothes, yet he still looks terrible in some days.
2. He's violent; he hit me four times in our six-year's marriage (We were geographically apart for two years). He didn't hit me too hard, but I called the police once, and got him into cell for four hours. He's an extremist; he would do things without caring about the result. Last time, he fought with his sister's bf with a knife.
3. He never wants to give me any surprise. He never buys me any birthday present even after my reminders. He never wants to share or celebrate special days for me. He's cold and impulsive; sometimes he's only good to me when he wants too.
4. We don't have regular sex. Usually I withdraw myself when he's mad, untidy or pathetic in some way. I hate him heatedly sometimes. He doesnÂt often have the libido, either. He claims that I don't give him any liberty (in terms of worrying about his clothes, behavior, taking bath or not and so forth. For god's sake, I think that he should worry about all these, not me! I just have to worry because he doesn't care).
5. If I ask him to help me, he would seldom do that because he canÂt be bothered. He makes 10% efforts when I ask him to help me. And he knows that when he asks me for help, I am always there.
Anyway, I am not sure what to do. If my mother was alive, I might walk out of this marriage and start a new life. Now I am stuck. I donÂt have any one to lean on in this foreign country, and I am unhappy most of the time. I remain in this relationship because I donÂt want to be miserable and unhappy all the time. Am I right here?