DH does not seem to know how to make love.
My DH and I have been together for 14 years married for 2.5 years we have 2 kids together, and I have 1 from a previous relationship(I was very young). We are both 35, kids are 17, 8, and 6. He works on the Great Lakes Freighters and is gone for about 7 months out of the year. He is always home from around Jan. 15 to March 15, with vacations throughout the year. I am a stay at home mom.
When I first met him I fell head over heels for him. He too seemed to like me a lot and we spent so much time together. We moved in together 6 mo after we met.
2 months into our relationship we started having sex. He could not "last" very long when we had sex. I thought well he has not "done it" for a while and we just need to do it more often for him to get back into the swing of things. This has improved some but not much.
By the time I realized that he was a "quick shooter" (about a year into the relationship...I know I know) I was already in love with him and thought this is just something we need to work on together. (neither one of us had many partners/experience before). I enjoy having "sex" with him but it does not bring me to an orgasm.
The problem is we never "make love" all we ever do/have done is have sex. The difference IMHO is sex is quick without a lot of foreplay. To Make Love - a lot of touching, passion, kissing, and just all around enjoying and connecting with each other.(OK not the best description but I think you get my point)
Don't get me wrong I do enjoy "just having sex" but sometimes I need more than just that.
I have(VERY carefully) talked to my DH about this. He said that he agrees that this is something we need to work on but when it comes down to it nothing changes. He also seems to be less and less interested in me.
When we start, anytime that I gently tell him that I would like to have foreplay he seems turned off by it. So I learned to just start giving him foreplay and just hope that he will get into it and give some back. But that does not seem to work either, he just keeps jumping to the act of having sex. If I persist at trying to have foreplay he gets cranky with me and no longer wants to do anything. If I am ever the one to start it by touching him and kissing him, he wants NOTHING to do with me! So I always have to wait for him to want it!
So should I just cut him off until he can be understanding to my needs too? I have tried this before and after about the 4th or 5th day he gets really cranky in just everyday life, so I end up giving in just to shut him up. Also this seems to be borderline with holding sex to get what I want and I don't want to be that kind of person.
I realize that people treat you the way that you let them treat you. And I have let him treat me this way for many years. But I don't know how to break the cycle!
We generally get along well. I still have other complaints about him but this is the biggest right now. and I will save them for another post. for right now we need to work on making love.
Oh and one more thing. we both seem to be very attracted to each other.
Hopefully I have given enough info on us. But feel free to ask questions.
I just want to learn how to get my husband to "make love" to me. Or maybe I need to learn something!
Please Help! I am sooo frustrated.