Marriage - a light hearted look....

quiltingbunnyJanuary 30, 2003

Okay, so I don't fit in - NEVER HAVE!!!!

I love cooking, don't care about doing dishes, laundry. I don't sweat the small stuff. I also work full time like hubby.

(MY VIEW ON BEING MARRIED TO A MAN 101)

Laundry - I did his when doing mine (still do when I feel like it). He started taking things for granted so I stopped. He came down, half dressed for work wanting to know if I saw his underwear. I said yep. Didn't you do laundry this weekend? Yep, along with the vacuuming and toilets.....Didn't you say you did laundry? Yep, mine. Didn't have time to do EVERYTHING. Your underwear, last seen was standing at the bus stop heading for the laundry mat with a box of soap. Have not had any laundry problems since.

Underwear - if 2 threads are still attached you can still use them. Ha, not if I get my hands on them (reason number two not to let wife do your laundry). He was flabbergasted this xmas - my family and his sent him new underwear. He thought something was up. Santa got a very special list from me this year. Glad to report if he gets into an accident the hospital staff will know he is married for sure!

Dishes - we all have our own way of doing them. I rinse, he doesn't. He moans the water tastes like soap, I remind him he last did the dishes. The best part is, I can simply throw hot water in the cups and glasses, swirl them around and use the suds to wash the MIDDLE of the pots (ya know when you swirl the cloth around the pot and toss it to dry the middle washes itself). This area is always interesting. I now declare weekends, starting Friday, my TIME OFF from kitchen duty.

Live in maid - every couple has one. I know her very well. When I don't feel like playing 1950's housewife - I just tell my love I will get the maid to do it - he takes the hint.

TV remote - you can get TV remote jammers/over riders on the internet. Go on, have some fun next time you are in the kitchen doorway. He wants to watch girly chat shows and gardening anyway. He just didn't know it.

Toilets - I just live to replace the last sheet of toilet paper with a fresh roll. Heck have some fun, don't replace it, live dangerously, carry your roll with you.

Vacuuming - you only do where you walk. Saves energy. Say no more.

Cooking - you can fry anything.

Don't sweat it. I am terrible, really. I only get him to do stuff because both my mother and his told me not to let him treat me like a 1950's housewife. He has to pull his share. If the dishes are soapy, the pots dirty in the middle, who really cares anyway? The house gets dirty again, the laundry will eventually return and I will be soaking in the bathtub with all the smelly stuff I can get my hands on.

McPeg

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bulldinkie

Im kinda feeling that way though ,only my husband does nothing in the house. He cant even pick up his own clothes today was the topper. we were sitting at the table, My son came down, I made us all a sandwhich, He was done before us I said hey theres another one on the stove if you want it. He basically ignored me. He waited till I was done mine to tell me go get it for him.Imagine too lazy to get up himself.Ive noticed lately hell play stupid asking me where something is when He knows because he figures Ill just go get it.Im angry today.

    Bookmark   February 1, 2003 at 3:45PM
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Meghane

I married a saint by comparison. Dave does all the housework, grocery shopping, balances the checkbook, writes books to pay my college tuition, and not once complains. I cook and do the dishes, help with housework when I'm not in school or at work. I also take care of the yard. The animals' health care are my responsibility which makes sense since I'm the vet-to-be (hopefully). He won't take care of the iguanas at all, though. They're all mine. So if he wants to make a video arcade out of the garage that's perfectly fine with me.

    Bookmark   February 1, 2003 at 5:03PM
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granitehead

I started using that idiom from tv ad(with a little twist) while looking at them(sons, husband, daughters no problem) dead in the eye and continuing with my activity: "It's a long, slow road to maturity". Gets them every time ;~) However, I'm still amazed I have to repeat it :~0

    Bookmark   February 1, 2003 at 5:32PM
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quiltingbunny

Hey, Bulldinkie,
STOP - tell hubbie how you feel! Tell him you are not a live in maid! I don't mind humour in the relationship but I DO NOT TOLERATE BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED!!!!
Just stop.
Don't do anymore. Let his laundry pile up, let him get off his arse and fill his own plate - ever see that HBO movie called 'Mom's On Strike'???
RENT IT - and PLAY IT EVERY NIGHT FOR A COUPLE OF NIGHTS.
POST A SIGN ON THE CUPBOARD. If my Dave did not help, even after asking I think I would seriously consider telling him I don't want to live like this and tell him it is threatening the marriage.

I don't know. Sometimes you just have to stand your ground.

MERLE HAGGARD even has a song called - You Take Me for Granted...

my legs and my feet have walked til they can't hardly move, from trying to please you....

it's breaking my heart.

Best of luck,
McPeg

    Bookmark   February 2, 2003 at 6:13AM
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nookie

What a GREAT post!!!!!!! I need to take this to heart and do this stuff.

nookie
who is SICK and tired of my couch being used as a laundry hamper, coat closet, computer magazine wasteland and trash can :o

    Bookmark   February 2, 2003 at 8:47AM
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kris_mi

I love doing things for my husband. He takes care of me. I serve him. Although he serves me more!
I stay at home, we decided on that when we had kids. Although if I did work I could make as much money as him. I'm much happier being taken care of and he's much happier taking care of me.
He's my best friend and I am his. When I think about all the stomping around he does in dirty shoes, etc... I think would I want to be married to a man who is cleaner than me? Would I want to be married to someone who concerns themselves with what colors I want in the bathroom? Would I want a man who takes more time on his hair than I do? A resounding NO, so I am much more easy going about the heavy footsteps..they're men they walk heavy!
I think if someone is thinking about getting married, make sure you marry the right person...and if you marry the wrong person, you have no right to complain. You married him. I realize this is the marriage forum and as such it is a place to release some frustration) but don't make the mistake of striving with your mate.
When you marry you are putting yourself under this man's authority and you better be sure he won't abuse that!
We need to remember that this man is not our opponent, not our foe, not someone to strive with. He's our other half. (Maybe our not so clean other half) but a part of us nonetheless.
Marriage isn't 50/50! Sometimes it's 1/99. But things aren't always fair and Love is not a feeling it's an act of your will.
Do you look forward to seeing your husband at the end of the day? Do you wait for him at the door? Do your kids wait for him at the door? Does he rush home after work to see you? Does he talk well about you to his coworkers?
Oh life can be so wonderful with an attitude adjustment...believe me.
Men love to spoil you when you think they're the greatest thing in the world. I'm not kidding!
Signed...Gal that strived with husband that loved.

    Bookmark   February 2, 2003 at 1:02PM
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maddie_in_ky

Hmmmm... I am very happily married to a wonderful guy who does seem to take me from granted occassionally but...

I do NOT "serve" him (I am not his slave)
He does NOT "take care" of me (He is not my daddy)
And I d@mned sure do NOT subscribe to: " When you marry you are putting yourself under this man's authority" What "authority" is that? He has a penis? Please.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2003 at 3:17PM
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rotny

Just because we're men is no reason for us to behave like bafoons. C'mon ladies, we know better. Don't let us get away with this cr@p! You all work hard in everything that you do...doubly so for those of you who are mothers. You all are precious and to be cherished.

I do everything I can to make sure my wife is getting what she needs from me - because I believe marriage is a 100/100 percent relationship. Both spouses making a full effort to make the partnership work. Either party only half-steppin' aint gonna'get it.

Yea, I've asked her to do things for me, but never anything that I wouldn't do for myself or for her.

It's time we stepped up to the plate and started treating you ladies like the queens you are.

Rotny

    Bookmark   February 3, 2003 at 4:15PM
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kris_mi

I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I thought this forum was about marriage and discussing ways to make it work. I just wanted to share with you what works for me. I thought that if it could help someone in their marriage it would be worth getting flamed. I definately didn't mean to sound harsh though.
Maddie in KY, serving doesn't mean slave.
You're always under someone's authority, whether you realize it or not.
And again I'm not trying to offend, just to explain why I'm happy and what works in my marriage.
Kris

    Bookmark   February 3, 2003 at 4:59PM
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maddie_in_ky

Then how are you using the term "serving"? That particular term conjures up a mental image of a woman serving her master (i.e. a serving wench in the 18th century)--if a person "serves" anything (spouse, family, community, church), then it puts that person in a subserviant role--not one that I personally will stand for.

And you are right about the authority, except mine is G0d and the court system. Not my husband's.

And if this works for you, then fine. I would just suspect that a lot of women (and men, too) don't cotton to the "yassir, master" routine in their relationships.

    Bookmark   February 4, 2003 at 9:27AM
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akaDenise

Let's not forget that we all have very different world views and religious beliefs. Some people take certain epistles from the bible very seriously and they base their ideas on how husbands and wives interact on those directives. That may be a little hard for the rest of us to emphasize with.

So my point is simple, let's do the "honor each other's diversity" thing and not be offended by a lifestyle that seems unfamiliar or even odd.

    Bookmark   February 4, 2003 at 9:58AM
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