What constitutes mental or emothinal abuse?
I am afraid that this is going to be very long as I try to explain what my husband does to me. I had my mind made up that he was mentally abusive to me, but my sister has made me doubt myself.She means well and I know she is just trying to help, but she has put the doubt there , by asking me stuff like : are you sure that you don't want to try to make it work? Have you thought about how hard it is to raise kids alone and make a living on your on? Sometimes being with someone is better than not having anyone, so make sure you know what you are doing before you leave. Stuff like that , and this after I have called her many times, crying on her shoulder, and telling her one time how hard it was not to run my van into a tree to try to end it all. She has told me she will come get me but has told me to call her back after I have thought long and hard. So I thought about it and called and told her I was sure, and she starts with the questions again. So, maybe ya'll will be kind enough to help me figure out if this is mental abuse, or if I am too sensitive. I will try to explain and please forgive that it is so long.
Whenever anyone meets my husband they like him right away because hes such a great guy, in front of people. So I am scared that a judge would not believe me, and take my children away. He has been married 5 other times and all the women gave up child support and he gave up visataion, if he would just stay away from them. Okay, this is what he does too me.
He blames everything on me. No matter what happens ,you know just day to day stuff, it is my fault. If the kids get sick, it was because I didn't wrap them up good enough,if it rains I should have told him it was gonna rain so he could roll his windows up, if he has a flat, I should have reminded him to check his tires. This is constant never ending tirade. All day long,24/7. When the boys are bad (they are 4 and 5 ) it is because I let them, and he tells them, "you're just like your mama,lazy, don't listen, messy, late, hardheaded..." Just insert any word into the blank to fit whatever behaviour they are doing, and its because of me.
He has me pay all the bills, take the cars for the oilchanges, call the drs , call and make his appointments and even stuff like if he calls a friend or relative he has me call the number for him. I have come to believe that he has me do everything so that he can blame me if stuff doesn't go right, but really it doesn't matter because even if things do go right, he twists it into something else so that he can holler at me about it.
Also I need to tell you that I am very good to him. I run his bathwater, his meals are always on time and usually carried to him so he can watch tv, I lay out his clothes,bring him his aspirin, the list could go on and on. He has never so much as made me a cup of coffee. Even when I had a c-section 1 week after the last son was born , when he came in the door he said,"Whats for supper?"
He does not take out the trash, or clean the yard or play with the boys. He doesn't read to them, or interact with them except to scream shutup cause he cant hear the tv. If a piece of furniture has to be moved he will hear me moving it and grunting and never offer to help. Our mailbox would not stay standing and I had to get a 5 gallon buckets and fill it with concrete to make it stay up. He watched tv while i did this. I had a hard time getting it back to the corner, because I put the concrete in it at the house , and then had to figure a way to lift it into the truck after (and it weighed a ton). After i had finished his only contribution was to say,"you stupid bimbo, you should have carried the water and concrete to the corner and mixed it there."
He gets very angry if he has to do anything. 5 year old asked him to fix his tv tonight, and he was in the bedroom for a whole minute when I heard him scream, You're just like your mama, you won't _ucking leave stuff alone!" I went to see what was wrong and the problem was that the cable wire was off and he was gonna have to twist it back on. I told him just to go out and I would fix it, which I did.
Whenever we have any problem that he thinks I cant fix, he tells me call a plumber, call so and so, and he knows we dont have the money. Our hot water tank went out and he said call a plumber. The plumber said he would charde 100 dollars to set it. We didnt have the money so I went to Lowes and bought it and read the manual and installed it myself. Which wasnt easy-it was an electric one and I had to hook up the 220 and plus it was so heavy I thought it was gonna breal my back getting it in the house. He never even tries to do stuff. When he came home I was proud and I told him I had fixed it myself and he said, "You ought to do something around here worth a _hit." Oh yes, I forgot to tell you, in adition to having a 4 and 5 year old and doing all the maintenance on cars and house, I also have to work.
I do not tell him the truth about bills anymore as I am scared too. He freaks out everytime a bill comes in (and I am talking about ordinary bills like electric and water ) and screams that he is tired of never having any money cause he has to spend it all taking care of us. So I just try to hide them until I can get them paid.
One time he rans us off the road into another car on purpose in a fit of anger. I do not fight with him anymore because it never helps. I dont take up for myself. I just let him say whatever he wants and hope that he will soon hush and leave me alone. I havnt left because I havnt had the money for a divorce or anywhere to go and afraid he would find us and do crazy stuff like getting the boys in the car and running it off the road. Also, the boys love him and it hurts me to think about being the cause of taking them away from him. They love him because he is their daddy and they don't know any better. We used to go to church but i refused to go anymore because I could not stand the hypocripcy of him going and smiling and everyone ther thinking he was so good and nice and then coming home and him screaming and cussing at us. Oh there are so many crazy things he does I could right a book and you probaly think I already have so I'll try to stop here. All I know is that he makes me not want to live anymore and I love my little boys so much that I cant even put an end to my life to stop this misery. I have no feelings for him but try to do whatever he wants so that he will be happy and leave me alone but it never works. And please do not ask me to talk to him about this because I have tried and all he says is "You stupid *itch, Im good to you" Maybe he is talking about the fact that he does his job for his small ammount he makes, and doesnt drink or smoke. I guess thats what he means. Couseling is not an option either as ther is no money at all for that. He has bankrupcy and they take it straight out of his pay and hardly any left. So with what I make we have about 300 a week to live on. But he insist on cable with every channel, cell phone and a brand new truck. Thats just off the top of my head. Then he hands me his 150 a week and expects me to pay everything and that drives me crazy too because I can't . I have to juggle this juggle that. I told him once that we couldnt have all that stuff that he couldn't have everything he wanted and he said that I had better see to it that he got what he wanted and that everything was paid because that was what I was for. Well I didnt mean to write so much and sorry its so long. Maybe someone can help.............