Husband tslking to women on the internet

lane76January 2, 2009

So my husband has been a member on this private forum for about 5 years now. It is a bunch of nerdy computer guys who talk about problems they have. They also talk about personal life and the topics are endless. He has become close with a bunch of them. Over the last 5 years there have been 2 women members. I had a problem with one of them about 2 years ago because not only was she posting nude pictures of her self but I caught my husband commenting on them and ask for more. I don't care about my husband looking at porn and members will post nude pictures of people and that doesn't bother me but when he starts talking to a girl about her pictures and asking her for more that is going too far. We talked about this and he understood my feelings and stopped talking to her. After a year she has stopped posting on the board all together. well apparently in April another women joined the group. So the other night I get woken up to my husband talking into a microphone with headphones to his friends on this forum. I asked who he was talking to and he tells me 3 people and doesn't mention this new girl. he is laughing and the others were all drunk. This new women posts things why won't your wife let you play with us? Does she think we are going to hurt you? Coming from a bunch of guys I don't care but have a huge problem with girls flirting and joking around with him. I know I am jealous and insecure. I am pretty confident my husband would not cheat on me. We have a good marriage. My question is am I being irrational not allowing him to have women friends on the internet? He doesn't want me to join this group because he wants his privacy. But I am uncomfortable with it.

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right or wrong i would have a problem with it. i think it shows a complete lack of respect for the wife and if the situation were reversed the husband wouldn't like it either.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2009 at 11:20PM
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I think the term "friend" needs to be explored and discussed a little more indepthly. IMO, if she were a true friend, she wouldn't be behaving as she is with him.

The problem though is with your husband, not her. He owes you the respect, she really doesn't. He needs to see the situation as it is, and remove himself from it. You can not control the other women that may come and go from his group -- He needs to learn when and how to draw the line. Some men get it, some don't -- I personally think many get it and know what is going on, but simply don't care, and will turn the tables all they can to it being about you and your insecurities and jealously when in reality, it is really all about their disrepectfulness (and sometimes even unfaithfulness) to you. I think it's time to drop the nerd friends and slu^s. He either doesn't get it and never will, or he gets it and is just being an a-h. Either way, life's too short to have friends that cause trouble in a marriage.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2009 at 2:50AM
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I'm a bit of computer geek myself and I've been there & done that. Let me say this isn't a good sign. No matter what he tells you it isn't the truth because that bit of information comes from someone who knows...

It might be a terrible thing to actually feel as though your husband is talking or getting intimate with another woman online. Even good guys get hooked on it. It's like a drug so watch him carefully. Now this isn;'t the end of the world.

You need to talk to him .. not in an attacking manner or else he'll take his online thing even to another hidden level. Try to get him share some of what's going on in a fun way then steer him in a better direction.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2009 at 10:57AM
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I tried posting our conversation we had last night but for some reason this forum will not let me do it. i am not sure, maybe I just don't know what I am doing.
But things our better. I talked to him about my feelings and he insists he loves me and she is just a person who is on their forum. I just know girls like her our looking for more then friends.

    Bookmark   January 4, 2009 at 2:15AM
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My husband plays alot of online games. We have had minor issues with women that are seeking more than friendship trying to talk to him outside the game. He has been very upfront about it. He has just to prove his innocence given me every email address and password and all the sign ons to all the forums he is a part of. I don't mind talking to other women but there is a lot out there that don't care a man is married. So we draw a line if they start flirting they are told to stop or he stops all communication with them that way it does not offend me or disrespect our marriage.
In turn though I do the same thing.

    Bookmark   January 6, 2009 at 1:44AM
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