I won't get divorced, but I can't stay unhappy forever
I've been using Gardenweb for about 4 years for exchanges and chatting with others about plants and travel and that sort of thing, but today I just really wanted to talk about something personal and thought this might be a good place to give it a shot. I created a new username ProfessorNiceGuy because my old one has so much personal information about me and I'm really hesitant posting this at all. Also, I chose the name since I'm a university professor, and when I asked my two sisters-in-law to describe me one said I was a "funny and sweet" which would sound vain to post, so I just changed it to "nice." Ok, I'm avoiding the issue.
Here goes: I was really really unsure about marrying the woman I married and I've regreted it almost every day that we've been married, which is over 10 years. I've asked her about a divorce many times, but she really doesn't want one and I don't want to because we have children and because I went through two divorces as a child and I don't want that to happen to my kids.
She has extensive emtional and psychiatric problems and I don't believe she is actually capable of caring about someone else. She is always willing to have sex, but without some intimacy, or emotional bond, it is rather empty for me and I don't enjoy it. I'm told quite often that I'm cute (I look like I'm much younger than I am) and I've had a few chances to have one night stands with other women at conferences or when I'm traveling or something, but that, again, would just be physical with no emotional joy and it would be pointless to me.
What I want is to meet a woman who likes being happy, who likes to laugh, who likes to talk and share thoughts about herself with me. My wife really isn't capable of doing that, and her physician is happy if her medication prevents her from screaming and hitting me, so the goal of joy is not realistic (sorry, that sounded rude).
Anyway, am I being selfish or should I NOT want to meet and talk to another woman? I don't know. I've asked a psychotherapist about it and he encouraged me to since it was important to me. But I don't know. Any advice?