just confused about my marriage situation

zairaJanuary 22, 2007

Hi,im just married for 5 months & seems that my marriage is not normal than others. I love my husband so much but things were different for the past few weeks.He is not as sweet as before.Usually early weekend we make love and now its not anymore.There are times i felt that i want to make love to him but hesitated that he would deny me again for reasons that he is tired from work and that he needs some rest...I guess we only have once a week sex & sometimes he comes so fast than i do & this disappoints me sometimes coz im already thinking that he's finish and should so am i....i tried to initiate one time but didn't work and that i just find myself crying in bed. because he has to take shower right away and do some office stuffs. now i don't know what to say to him...i am sad and hurt with this. also that whenever has worked during weekends,when he arrive home he don't usually eat dinner.He always tell me that i don't need to prepare for him coz he's already eating at train with his packed fruits in the morning and that he has also heavy lunch.He said he would like to do other things like dancing, or work out when he arrives home.The reason he don't want to eat at night coz he has to go to bed early and wake up early as well.so sometimes just find myself eating alone too. not sure if this is normal in a marriage couple.can somebody gives me an insight about this. my husband also told me that he loves me but sometimes it didn't fit on his actions.now confused? thanks

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sohurt

Hi Zaira- I understand your frustration and hurt.. your spouse seems to be different but not disclosing to you what is "going on" with him. I don't think anyone here is going to be able to tell you what is happening, of course, but there are some things you can think of...

What does your gut tell you? Is there something going on with your husband that is related to job stress, other-members-of-your-family stress, home stress, etc? Did the two of you live together before marriage or could he finally be reacting to the tremendous life change that comes with living with a person (beloved wife though you may be) for the first time? Does he suffer from depression? Is it realistic to think he is cheating? I certainly don't want to put any upsetting thoughts in your head but your post is fairly vague... Absoloutely nothing could be going on with him: perhaps he doesn't even realize his actions have changed. Have you talked with him at all about your concerns? Don't jump to conclusions without at least attempting to talk calmly and honestly with him. But address it soon because the longer you wait the greater the divide between you will grow. Trust me. My husband and I made that very mistake and we are paying for it now. Best of luck to you.

    Bookmark   January 22, 2007 at 10:10PM
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zaira

thank you for the advise. yes he when he arrive home most of the time he felt not happy with his job. He always told me that he wanted not to work one day. we only live for 3 months before we got married. well, i don't know what would be the proper way to start and talk this things. I don't know. The other night I just cry in front of him because I don't know what to say and he was also worried about me. He don't know what to do...does this feeling something to do with weather change?

    Bookmark   January 23, 2007 at 9:06AM
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zaira

also another question, is that also normal to a couple not having dinner together. the reason of my husband is that, if he eats late then he cant sleep. usually he's home by 6pm or 6:30pm and he don't want to eat anymore rather he wants to do things like work out.Last time he called me that he will be late and that I have to have my dinner ahead not waiting for him. just dont understand this kind of behaviour...

    Bookmark   January 23, 2007 at 10:42AM
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popi_gw

Zaira

Do you live in Thailand ?

Perhaps you could try talking about how you feel. Do you know about your feelings ? Do you feel lonely ?

Ask yourself how you would like your husband to behave ?

Do you go to work ?

    Bookmark   January 24, 2007 at 2:12AM
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zaira

yes, i do but now i move with my husband in EU. sometimes i feel lonely. I don't go to work.

    Bookmark   January 31, 2007 at 3:14AM
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popi_gw

So you have moved from Thailand to the EU, do you mean Europe, I assume.

This is a big cultural change for you.

Try to go out and mix with other people, find some friends, perhaps you will feel happier if you do this.

Whatever happens in your marriage, is okay, if you are HAPPY. Talk is good, always be good at saying how you feel, and think about how you would want things to be.

Lots of changes for you.

Take care.
Popi

    Bookmark   February 1, 2007 at 2:19AM
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zaira

thanks for the reply. we just had a big discussion with my husband. i asked him if a personal question if he's masturbating if im not around,he said that sometimes at his office if he feels stress and he needs to release. after he admitted it, i felt that maybe its the reason why he don't want to make love to me because he already masturbate by himself during the day. i felt so sad:-( and that affronts me.
but he told me that it has nothing to do w/ me. its just that normal for men to do this and he needs to release it.
i felt hurt about the situation coz i felt that im of no use and i cant satisfy him. he told me that he will try not to do it anymore and he felt like a little boy that a mother told him not to do so.
i dont want him to have that feeling, but i dont like him to that either. i dont know what do we do? i dont know how to move on now. im sad:-(

    Bookmark   April 5, 2007 at 1:47AM
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zaira

thanks for the reply. we just had a big discussion with my husband. i asked him if a personal question if he's masturbating if im not around,he said that sometimes at his office if he feels stress and he needs to release. after he admitted it, i felt that maybe its the reason why he don't want to make love to me because he already masturbate by himself during the day. i felt so sad:-( and that affronts me.
but he told me that it has nothing to do w/ me. its just that normal for men to do this and he needs to release it.
i felt hurt about the situation coz i felt that im of no use and i cant satisfy him. he told me that he will try not to do it anymore and he felt like a little boy that a mother told him not to do so.
i dont want him to have that feeling, but i dont like him to that either. i dont know what do we do? i dont know how to move on now. im sad:-(

    Bookmark   April 10, 2007 at 6:23PM
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asolo

Sorry to inform you that it isn't "normal" for adult males to whack at the office. You're married to a little boy. He's treating you poorly and he's not telling you the truth about any of this. Please don't have any babies with him.

    Bookmark   April 11, 2007 at 12:23AM
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carla35

Ditto... and I wouldn't be so sure there wasn't a misses at work helping him out. Where on earth does he work?

    Bookmark   April 11, 2007 at 12:34AM
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