How often do you have sex?

kg44January 10, 2007

My husband I have been together for 14 years and our sex life is almost non-existent. I can take it or leave it and really have no desire--I am 45, no menopause, periods are regular. My GYN has run hormone tests and everything is normal. When we do have sex we enjoy it, I just don't have the desire.

Are other women my age like this or is something wrong with me?

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asolo

Everyone is different at every stage along the way. Men and women both. And most change as the years go by. "Normal" is meaningless because almost anything/everything is "normal" for some folks. Compatibility and/or acceptance is more important.

Are you concerned for yourself only or are you concerned your husband may be disappointed? Are you afraid you're missing something?

My neighbor's a golf nut. Plays every day. Very enthusiastic and encouraging. Really like him and his wife. I play a couple times a year at a much different level. I enjoy those games. However, I have no desire to do it more often. I don't wonder if there's something wrong with me. I don't think you should either.

    Bookmark   January 10, 2007 at 5:27PM
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popi_gw

Maybe you could work on making YOUR life more pleasant.

Get a new haircut, new clothes, new perfume, new sheets, new bed even ! Lets face it at 45 (and I am too), its a bit like being at a crossroads in your life. Are we now old ? Are we still young ? Are we moving slower ? Have we put on weight ? It a minefield of mixed emotions. The children are teenagers or older and they are exploding with their emotions. Its draining.

For me, I get great comfort in being creative, and have started meditating, and burning incense that creates a lovely fragrance in the house. I know this sounds nutty, but for me, its really relaxing, and I feel very happy and feminine. I guess I am paying more attention to myself and what makes me feel good. I am also teaching myself the guitar, its only half an hour but I am pleased with my progress.

Maybe you could investigate such things...if you feel happier in yourself you might just feel more amorous !

A difference perspective for you to ponder.

Popi

    Bookmark   January 10, 2007 at 6:40PM
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coolmama

I heard somewhere that one to two glasses of wine acts as an "aphrodisiac" for women. Of course,any more then that does the opposite.

I agree if you did more things to make you "FEEL" sexy,maybe you'd have the desire.A good haircut,getting nails done,a sexy outfit.And then take a bath and smooth on lotion,add some perfume.It's like foreplay for yourself to get you in the mood.
There is no doubt that when I feel sexy,I'm more opt to want sex.
14 years is a long time to be with someone,and unfortunately,with those years comes being a little "too familar" I've been with my husband 10 years too,and our sex life goes through "spurts".(like any normal couple)

Also,try to spice things up a bit.Go to a swanky hotel instead of just at home in your room or something.You know what they say,people who are on vacation have more sex because you're tricking your brain into releasing those feel good hormones.

It may seem like alot for sex,but after once or twice those feelings will stick with you.You'll have the fond memories of the good sex and perhaps desire it more.

My husband and I are constantly doing things to spice ours up.Because if it gets "same old same old" who wants it?
It could be something as simple as watching a movie that we think is sexy.

I think when you it boil it down though,no woman wants it as much as her husband/boyfriend does,LOL.So we have to do other things sometimes to make us want it more.

Good luck,and dont give up.There are lots of things you can try. I even heard that doing a few pelvic exersices like hip thrusts and sit ups gets the blood flowing "DOWN THERE" and can get a woman in the mood.(from my point of view,this DEFINITELY WORKS!)

    Bookmark   January 10, 2007 at 6:58PM
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popi_gw

LOL Coolmama....we will all be doing those hip thrusts now, what a great idea !

    Bookmark   January 11, 2007 at 12:52AM
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coolmama

It really does work,popi! I saw it on Strictly sex with Dr. Drew.

    Bookmark   January 11, 2007 at 1:47AM
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emmhip

We have sex about once a week. Sometimes twice. I am 28 though. We have two kids and work opposite schedules, so sometimes we go through "spurts" like some of the other posters. I have found that excersising regularily has helped me. After baby #2, I wasn't feeling so hot about myself. Totally overwhelmed, body not where I wanted it, etc. Once I started feeling better about myself (and, not perfect, just more confident), things started heating up again!!!

    Bookmark   January 11, 2007 at 11:33AM
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smiley_1

There is no normal or not normal for how often to have sex. But I think women blame themselves too much. In my first marriage, I had a strong sex drive but didn't enjoy it with my husband. He was really, really awful in bed. I've been married 6 years to someone else, and we do it most days. The kids are grown and gone, he's retired--it's a refreshing way to start the day at this point in our lives!

    Bookmark   February 11, 2007 at 6:45PM
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deniseperracini

Hi! I can totally relate to your post.
I am 42 and I've been married for 8 years, and for the past 2 years gradually lost the desire which is now non-existent.
It happened during my first marriage too, around the same point - 6th year of marriage and a toddler.
My husband is convinced that I bond so strongly with my kids,that feel no desire for intimacy with anybody else.
I guess he could be right, but the fact is that I would be pretty happy to be the way I am, if that didn't bother my husbands.
Often I think that I am just not "marriage material",unless I could find an non sexual husband!

    Bookmark   February 17, 2007 at 3:37PM
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second_wife

I am 41 and he is 47 we have been married a little over a year and we have sex once a week. He has a high stress job and needs down time during the week, so weekends are when he and I are intimate.

    Bookmark   August 8, 2007 at 10:41AM
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