The other women was

blueeyeshopefulJanuary 16, 2010

Ever sence he divorced me.2yrs ago(after 23yrs married)Alot started to add up. One of my best friends,sister always flirted,joked around. I thought she just had a crush, but i know better know... How would you handle this ? she don't think i know yet! I don't want to b around her or even bump into her. her sister my best friend don't even know this. I guess it still p sses me off. lied to,betrayed & disscussed.When she dose see me it's Hi! how are you & it takes everthing not to want smake her up side her head & say. You realy think I'm stupid. but i think she would just say.. That never happened or i would'nt do that to you. please some kind advice....

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popi_gw

First of all be very sure of your facts.

What do you hope to achieve by confronting this girl ? Do you think it will make you feel better ?

    Bookmark   January 17, 2010 at 5:49PM
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oilpainter

Let it go!! If he did have an affair with this girl then it wasn't just her fault, but his too. Flirting does not always lead to an affair or even a one night stand. Maybe you are so hurt right now that you are not seeing straight. I think popi said it in a nutshell.

I think you want to ask yourself which is more important--your friendship or confronting this girl and maybe losing the friendship.

    Bookmark   January 18, 2010 at 8:43AM
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sweeby

The other woman was your best friend's sister?

Clearly, she's not a friend to you.
But you might want to ask your best friend if she knew, and if so, why she didn't tell you.

Sounds like that friendship might bear closer examination...

    Bookmark   January 18, 2010 at 5:01PM
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marge727

You have been divorced for 2 years--and it probably took a year or two before you even filed. If your x was smacking new boyfriends of yours around you would be calling the police and he would be sitting in jail. Move on--when you get a divorce they are not required to join a monastery. Even if you married at 20 you are still young enough to find somebody else. Just be happy your ex is not stalking you and you can move on.

    Bookmark   January 18, 2010 at 6:36PM
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scarlett2001

Aw, just "smake her up side her head" and get it outta your system!

I'm KIDDING. It's perfectly normal to have these unpleasant thoughts about your ex and suspicions about who and how many he cheated with. However, you're rid of him, you have a new life, why not let all that poisonous crap go? Be your own best friend, cast those thoughts away and picture yourself turning toward the light, like a big sunflower. The more you practice this, the easier it becomes.

    Bookmark   January 19, 2010 at 12:00AM
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popi_gw

Find some new friends and get yourself away from the people who are distracting you from living a happy life. You have a new beginning, and mulling over the anger and annoyance that people have "caused' you will just make you unhappy.

I like Scarlett's idea of the sunflower, picture that lovely flower, put a smile on your face and move forward.

    Bookmark   January 19, 2010 at 1:27AM
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mara_2008

Agreeing with popi and scarlett -- plus, I would say, learn from this so you won't make that same mistake again. I have a cousin who married the same guy over and over -- just in a different body, with a different name -- for 30+ years of her life.

Finally, she took a deep breath and stepped back so she could distance herself from the emotional upheaval and learn what had caused her to live in such a destructive pattern for so long.

Healing didn't come overnight, but it did come, once she got off that not so merry-go-round. For her, it was the Lord and caring friends who got her through it, to the other side.

    Bookmark   January 26, 2010 at 5:54PM
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vicki7

After my divorce, I received some great advice which, thankfully I did take: Purposefully look for groups to join, classes to take, large churches that have 'divorce recovery' classes, etc. Make it your goal to meet and cultivate friendships with lots and lots of new people, men AND women. I can guarantee you that if you'll put your heart into this, you will feel like a different person. If you're socializing and hanging out with the same old people you did before the divorce, you need to change that, a little at a time.
I am a somewhat shy and reserved person, but it didn't take long till I hardly gave any thought at all to the ex and what he might/might not be doing.
Good luck and God bless!

    Bookmark   February 27, 2010 at 2:40PM
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sweeby

Good advice Vicki --

    Bookmark   March 30, 2010 at 1:27PM
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sunflower723

It takes two to tango. Just be glad you did not find out he left you for a man. I'm joking. But really, that did happen to a friend of mine. So if you have a photo of them both, blow it up, pin it up and shoot darts at it. Joking again.

Really, just let it go and move on. It is will be easier when you are spending time out with someone else doing something fun to see how easy it is to forgive and forget. Yep, it is better to know that once you knew love than to never have experienced it before. So yea, try and move on and start dating again. Or take a class doing something fun that you enjoy. For instance, being lonely myself, I started taking a yoga with laughter class on Saturday mornings. I hate getting up early, but the class is a real hoot! Good luck!

    Bookmark   May 18, 2010 at 8:11PM
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