I am Married but in love with a married man

CherishD1January 3, 2013

I need advice. My husband and i have just recently married after knowing each other for less than 2 years. While dating him i got pregnant hence the reason for marriage. We broke up numerous times before we got married and he was always very insecure. We fought alot but I always stayed because of my children. About 2 months before our marriage I fell in love with a guy from our church. He is alot like me in personality and gentle and we share the same interests. We tell each other that we love each other with all our hearts everyday. I have told him many times that i couldnt do this anymore with him and he has always told me that he respects my wishes. But I feel like i cant go on the day without hearing from him and i always call him back and i tell him that i would never stop loving him. He never hesitates to take the time to listen to me and is always there when i need a friend to talk to. He confides in me about his wife and says he feels lonely because she ignores him all the time. I need advice, I know that my marriage is not perfect but my husband takes care of his kids. Is security enough to stay in a marriage? I feel like i should be loved back but not like this in this particular way. I always tell him that if we were not already married this would of been easier on the both of us and that i will love him without hesitation and he says the same to me. i know he loves me but is it true love or infatuation?

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What a great influence your church has been on the pair of you. (Sarcasm very much intended.)
I have to ask, if you were in an on-off relationship with your now husband, why the he[[ did you get in a position to become pregnant? Bad idea.
Sorry to be harsh, but your whole approach to relationships seems to be a series of bad ideas:
-Get pregnant in an unstable relationship
-Marry someone you don't love merely because pregnant
-Before marrying get involved with someone else
-Get involved with a married man
-Know you're doing wrong but not stopping
Could this be any more of a train wreck?
Stop. Cut off all contact with this other man, it will only end in tears for two marriages. If he's unhappy in his marriage, let _him_ deal with it, sort himself out and be free to be in another relationship honestly. Change churches if you have to to avoid being in contact with this man.
Get some counselling. Sort out _your_ feelings without the confusion of your infatuation with this other man. Consider carefully and decide if you want to continue with your marriage or not. Only you can decide if security is enough (sounds ATM like it isn't) but having decided, you need to follow through one way or the other. Either fully commit to your husband or divorce, don't sit on the fence. It's not fair to anyone concerned and is a terrible example for your children.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2013 at 9:51PM
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I wonder where are the children in all this? The adults have to BE the adults. Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to act like you're grown up.

    Bookmark   January 4, 2013 at 1:22AM
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Its infatuation.

You are sad in your marriage - you have zeroed- in on this guy sitting on the pew behind you and wham rose coloured glasses popped on.

Let him sort out his life with his wife.

Your behavior is hurting your children.

    Bookmark   January 4, 2013 at 4:18AM
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Thanks for the advice. I really want to do the right thing for the sake of my children. I will stop infatuating on the other man and take my marriage seriously. And yes i agree its time for me to grow up...thanks for the wake up call!

    Bookmark   January 4, 2013 at 6:06AM
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You need to do something else, as well--you HAVE to be honest with your husband. He's the one you owe that to. You just don't treat people the way you're treating your husband.

and as the others have said, what you're doing to your children is absolutely unacceptable--they learn how to be responsible, caring, loving adults IF they are set those examples at home. Do you really want your children to grow up and be cheaters, liars, irresponsible? Do you want them to think that kind of behavior is okay so that they allow themselves to be victimized by someone living as you are right now?

I hope you're sincere, and will make an effort to do the right thing here. And if you ever decide to take up a relationship with another in the future, a decent person ENDS the one their in first--they don't string 2 people along with lies and false promises.

Perhaps that all sounds rather harsh--it's no more than I'd tell my own daughter if she were in your position. I don't believe in sugar-coating things.

    Bookmark   January 6, 2013 at 3:06PM
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I hope you're able to understand the excellent advice people have been giving you here. What you're doing is no way to live. It's unfair to everyone around you and is a time bomb of pain waiting to explode if you don't stop what you're doing. It's so e-a-s-y to have "great talks" and "confide in" someone when it's a between the sheets and on the phone behind someone else's back relationship - and you're never dealing with real life with that person.

    Bookmark   February 10, 2013 at 4:34AM
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"What you're doing is no way to live. It's unfair to everyone around you and is a time bomb of pain waiting to explode if you don't stop what you're doing."

Vrsl, why would you say that to the OP when over a month ago she stated she would stop this behavior and thanked posters for the wakeup call. You seem good at giving sound advice. but what about encouraging people when they've made the right decision? That's a part of Christianity too you know. (you seem to come from a Christian perspective but even if you're not nobody wants to hear that after they already made a decision to turn things around).

This post was edited by wifey1281 on Sun, Feb 10, 13 at 6:37

    Bookmark   February 10, 2013 at 6:28AM
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