Husband says he's not happy but does not know why.

johpeJanuary 26, 2006

My husband says he is not happy but cannot tell me why, say's he does not know what is wrong. I asked him if there was someone else and he says no and I don't believe there is as he is home when not at work. Unsure what to do or think this has been going on for some time as there is no passion when we make love and he has problems with that as well. What can I do if anything.

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Take him to a doctor. He may be depressed or have another illness making him feel this way. Especially if this has been going on for more than a couple of weeks. We all get the blue funks every once in a while, but it shouldn't last that long. He needs medical attention.

    Bookmark   January 26, 2006 at 4:29PM
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meghane is right. First you need to rule out depression, because even in mild to moderate depression...people function fine (get up , go to work, eat, and do the things they normally do) only they no longer find joy in anything, even in the things that they used to enjoy. They sometimes feel as if they are detached from others, looking in. They can see life going on around them, but they may not really feel apart of it, nor want to be.

2. In addition, take a good look at his life. How long has he worked at his job? Does he enjoy what he does. Does it fulfill the dreams and talents and interests that he has, or does he feel "trapped" in a job to pay the bills, watching his life and opportunites pass him by?

3. How long have you been married? Do you have children? Is he involved in their lives and appreciated?

4. Sometimes, when we are in a rut, and bored with the way our life is, it may help to find something that he is excited and passionate about, so that he does not turn to "someone else". I see couples make different things a passionate hobby. Like restoring old collectable cars and showing them, or ballroom dancing, or buying an historic house and bringing it back to its old glory days. Sports that he hasn't played like tennis, or basketball, etc with others his age.

5. Does he have a group of male friends to get together with once a week and just talk? Like breakfast once a week like clockwork?

6. Does he excercise? Or you could plan a trip together to someplace you have both dreamed of going to. Sometimes a vacation gives us a fresh perspective when we are unhappy.

7. What kind of climate do you live in? Sometimes, winter, and short days bring out the blues. Then take a trip south.
8. I have a friend whose parents went out and bought a Harley with a sidecar. They also rented an RV and just got away for awhile.

Anyway, just a few ideas off the top of my head that may give him a fresh outlook.

    Bookmark   January 26, 2006 at 9:23PM
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He's has read this and says non of this applies, says I feel more like a sister when it comes to love making and that is why there is no compassion. What can I do, I am so confused and he says he must work it out himself as it is his problem.

    Bookmark   January 30, 2006 at 6:51PM
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Perhaps this is his problem, but it does involve you, too. Don't let him shut you out. Urge him to see a marriage counselor with you.

    Bookmark   January 31, 2006 at 12:16AM
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What kind of job does he have may I ask???? Does he work with a lot of women???

    Bookmark   January 31, 2006 at 1:29AM
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He does work with some women but men also, I just feel like I am not attractive to him anymore even though he says that I am. Again he says its him and not me but I feel there must be more to it then that.

    Bookmark   January 31, 2006 at 1:47PM
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Unfortunately sometimes our gut feeling is correct. I'm sorry you are in this situation - it's not fair to you, not knowing what's really going on. Keep us posted!


    Bookmark   February 1, 2006 at 12:18AM
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On one post you say that he says that you feel more like a sister to him, and in another, you say that you told him that you do not feel attractive to him, but he says you are.
How long have you two been married? Approx. what age group are you each in? Do you have children and what ages? If you take a good hard look at yourself, what do you see? Do you take care in your appearance? If you asked him to be honest with you about things you could be doing that are bothering him, what would he say? (you do not have to share it if you don't want to...I am just asking you to think about it. ALSO, I am not saying that you are doing ANYTHING wrong...sometimes, how someone feels has NOTHING to do with us, it is something within themselves, that they are wrestling with. Sometimes, someone can be a great spouse, and be really loving and thoughtful, beautiful/handsome and be a terrific person...but the other person just does not respond to them in body chemistry...and it has nothing to do with them, or how attractive they are.

Other times, you will hear a woman say she doesn't know why her husband is not attracted to her, and she will be 290LBS and 5'2 and is yelling at him all the time, or on his back picking at everything he does.

    Bookmark   February 1, 2006 at 3:48PM
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We've been married 25 yrs and I don't knick pick. I really do not know what to think anymore, I do not know if it is a problem he is having with his mechanics down there and does not want to admit it and is using this as an excuse. He says he is staying in the marriage no matter what he says sex is not everything but I told him what about the intimacy, I have needs also. I guess we will have to wait and see what happens.

    Bookmark   February 1, 2006 at 6:33PM
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My husband just moved out last week after we got home from our cruise and told me he wasnt happy and he did not know why. I was just curious what happend with you and your husband.

    Bookmark   October 10, 2008 at 2:54AM
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Sorry, Tammi. Unfortunately I think when husbands tell you that they are not happy but are moving out, there is somebody else. Its awful but I think they do care about you and don't want to hurt your feelings because there is another person. It isn't always a person that they marry in the future.
I wish you well--you have a tough year ahead.

    Bookmark   October 12, 2008 at 11:00PM
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It's hard enough trying to manage your own happiness without trying to guess what is wrong with everybody else, too. Happy pills for everybody, bring 'em on!

    Bookmark   October 13, 2008 at 8:43PM
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He may think that the things listed above do not apply to him but he is WRONG! People with depression do not realize it or see the symptoms. He needs to see a doctor now!!!Make him go.

    Bookmark   October 20, 2008 at 11:55AM
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Your husband isn't being honest with you.... He's probably cheating on you with someone from work, and I'm sorry to say this, but the things he's said, and the way he's acting is too much of a clue.. It's like his guilt is coming out right now, but he's making excuses for himself as to why it's okay.. Please don't be naive about this because it's probably not going to be long before he hits you with the "I love you, BUT I'm not IN Love with you" speech...

Make an excuse, and tell him you have to get out of town for a day or two.. Stay somewhere that you can watch him, and give him the rope to hang himself.. THEN, when you figure out what's going on, don't tell him you know.. Instead, first figure out if you want to stay with him, and if you do, then you have a lot of work to accomplish in a very short time...

Read up on everything you can about what to do to save the marriage when another person is involved... I know, I went through the same thing as you... There is still hope..

    Bookmark   October 21, 2008 at 12:38AM
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I have been with my fiance' for fours. Well, broke up 4 times but always got back and worked things out. He recently retired and he was alright at first, then started to change.

Yes, we fuss off and on, but couples do. However, from the beginning he told me how much he loved me and one day I will be his wife. Always told me everyday how much he loved me. Now I noticed that stopped as well.

He went to his mothers one day and changed his password on his comp. He has never done that before. We haven't had sex in a long time.

His daughter just got herpes and I know you can't get herpes but only by sex, but in my mind and what I have been through in my life having arthritis, I'm scared.

I tried to tell him it's in my mind and I apologize not wanting his daughter near me. I have been been through a lot with medicines, shots and surgeries replacing both knees and my left hip. I have never kept him from his kids and never will. I love his kids and we get along great . I told him to visit his kids like I do mine. It's a 2 hour drive but well worth it to see their smiling face. He said, he shouldn't have to drive that far.

So, he moved out. I'm still upset remembering the I love you forever and never leave you.

Him changing so fast and told me I'm not happy anymore.
Moved in with a family member he said. He told me he wanted to be alone to think.

I feel like it's all my fault

    Bookmark   November 22, 2008 at 1:11AM
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I lived like for for over four year...we'd been married over 20. (I knew he had affairs-uch) but didn't leave because of the children. But when they left I felt so alone. The worse thing is feeling lonely when "someone" is there, and the brother and sister thing just hurt more. I left-suffered the estrangement of my children, but other than that I am happy. Look, with an open mind-I also agree there is someone else. You deserve more. Good luck and I am sorry...I know it hurts.

    Bookmark   November 23, 2008 at 11:10AM
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babynemo, you cannot get herpes from a person who simply sits by you or hugs you or talks to you. it is rather ignorant of you to think otherwise. although i do feel sorry you marriage did not work, i would not stay wiht the person who treats my daughter like that either. i am not surprised he left.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2008 at 6:47PM
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my husband says hes happy but he doesnt seem like it. i think it has to do with the loss of his car, my ex blew it up shortly after my husband and i got together. my husbands car was his only taste of freedom, or so he told me. has your husband lost something?

    Bookmark   May 16, 2011 at 11:49AM
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Say it isn't so ..... :-(

    Bookmark   May 16, 2011 at 1:51PM
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I don't know what to do ,he's drinking too much and hanging out with his boys.??

    Bookmark   September 25, 2011 at 2:12PM
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Obviously, for what ever reason, he doesn't want to be with you anymore. I see that you have been going through for some years now. Are you still with him or did you finally move on?

    Bookmark   September 26, 2012 at 6:14PM
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He's not interested in you because he is still very much in love with his first wife. He loves her dearly. He only married you because when he found out his first wife was marrying and having a child by someone else, he finally realized that she is never going back to settled for you. He is never going back to you. So you must forget about him and move on..AND...most important...stop harassing his children and family on facebook, and stop calling ACS on his family. Move on with your life because you are making yourself to appear to have some type of mental disorder....and pitiful...

    Bookmark   September 26, 2012 at 6:49PM
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This thread is 6 years old!!!

    Bookmark   September 27, 2012 at 3:07PM
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She posted her last comment last year. And if I want to comment on it, comment I shall. If she no longer want responds then she should take it down. Good day to you.

    Bookmark   September 28, 2012 at 1:20PM
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