Please Someone Advise
I have been married over 24 years and in the beginning it was good until we started having kids and that's when the problems really hit hard. It seemed like she didn't want to take responsibility for my children while I was working and she was home. Meals were never served (no problem there, I cooked) Laundry was done only when clothes were all dirty and then were left in the dryer for hours, sometimes days. Gardening eventually became her escape. There was obvious neglect in the marriage and for the children. Some of this neglect was horrifying. Meanwhile I became more frustrated as the years went by and it became a habit on my part to gripe and complain. We even tried counseling and after 13 years on and off things never changed. The counselor did say I was put in a double bind. I guess my biggest issue was I married a woman who I thought was affectionate and nurturing only to find out the contrary, at least to me personally. Many issues have not been resolved and I cannot go into some of these because it would horrify you or maybe you simply would not believe me because you may think I was bashing my wife or fabricating a story. Fast forward to here and now; she has this idea that I am verbally abusive and she may be right, but then again I have never threatened her or insulted her. As I admitted before I have complained a lot about things like food being left out, a dirty house, all the lights being left on, laundry not done and when it is done it is wrinkled. Money being spent without saying, she comes and goes without saying and allows the children to follow in her footsteps. Whenever I confronted these issues she undermined my authority in front of the kids. A few years ago I went around the entire house and took pictures and emailed them to our counselor and he was stunned. I feel dis-respected and dis-honored as a husband and a father. And yes, I have tried with my kids to teach them respect and honor but that got refuted and dumped back in my lap by her. So whenever I say something it automatically gets turned back to me. Sexual intimacy has been a problem since the beginning and after an evaluation one counselor recommended she go for sexual counseling. She refused. She has been on Prozak for 13 years now and some might say that may be most of the problem but we have had these issues before the Prozak. Yes, there is her side of the story and she has people believing that I am some kind of head case and it really hurts deeply because I consider myself a very fair and passionate man who thought he had a real partner in a wife. The only regret I have is I wore my emotions on my sleeve and I can never do that again with anybody, period! I have seen an attorney and when asked about the dynamics of our marriage she gasped. But if anybody ever met my wife you would think I was a liar. I never physically abused her, instead I adored her and worshipped the ground she walked on. Back in 2009 I was laid off and this was the keeper for me. She never once offered to get a job to help out the situation. Meanwhile, it took me 20 months to find a job and we almost lost our house. Am I losing it here? Is this what some marriages are like? So when I complain about these issues why is she throwing it back at me and not admitting anything? Please, I'm not asking for any sympathy or abuse, just some sound advice and input.