no intimacy

miaou08January 20, 2013

I am 30yrs old and my husband is 39 we have been married for two yrs but together for 8 yrs. In the begin of our relationship we were sexually
Active now ; i be lucky to get sex twice a month. When i brought to his attention he said he tired. The sad new a yearv ago he did the same thing come to find out he was cheating . He admited that will never happen. Now i am very suspecious because of what had happened in the past. I dont want to cheat on him, but i am lonely specially at night.

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I have a friend whose husband has three girlfriends that he put up in apartments in the various cities he must go to. They are very young. Very pretty. And very well taken care of. In fact, one of them is beneficiary of a nice life insurance policy.

My friend has been in the hospital for an overdose of some kind of pill every time she found the girlfriend. She filed for divorce from him "five separate times".

Me? Been in a marriage for 28 years where I had to ask permission to paint a wall, buy a microwave, use the car...

You know what you need to do. Love isn't cheating on each other. Love isn't not wanting to touch the other.

I am not sure exactly what you have. I stayed for the child we made together. Knowing all the while, as soon as she was grown and on her own "I was going to be free".

The divorce is final in March 2013.

I have been honest and no fooling around with him. I needed to be honest to me, too. I am NOT going to ask his permission any more.

I don't think I will miss him, either.

Good luck. Make good choices. Either he will desire to save his marriage ( mine did not care to) or he too, will want out. Be adults. No silly crazy fights. Just hug and say goodbye if you both want out.

Then, go live your life for awhile. Get to know you. Learn something new about yourself and share it with those that love you. Do something unselfish for others, too.


(post edited to remove "capitalized" words :)

This post was edited by worriedone on Tue, Jan 29, 13 at 12:37

    Bookmark   January 20, 2013 at 9:37PM
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You might consider no longer using all caps on select words in your posts. if you want to emphasize a word, you might try putting quotation marks around it. this way, you get your point across without seeming to be yelling or overly dramatic.

Original poster: If you feel your only option is to cheat yourself, why not consider separation instead? I didn't follow your original post either: "He admited that will never happen." I "think" what you mean is that he promised it would never happen again...? It sounds like the two of you struggle with intimacy inside and outside of the marriage.

Why not ask him if he is happy with the way things are? If he isn't, what is he willing to to do see a change? Therapy? If he is happy, you can explain that your are not.

Sounds to me like there is a lot of talking that is not happening in your marriage. It must be lonesome and painful. Cheating is not the answer.

    Bookmark   January 22, 2013 at 2:59PM
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I meant to say "It sounds like the two of you struggle with intimacy inside and outside of the 'bedroom'".

    Bookmark   January 22, 2013 at 5:15PM
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Yeah I think I need to agree with amyfiddler's response, i.e., "It sounds like the two of you struggle with intimacy inside and outside of the 'bedroom'".

Sex is just the culmination of everything else going on in the relationship. If not it's just a selfish act where each person is using the other to give their own body a thrill. Marriage is supposed to be about a lot more than that. It should be an expression of the love relationship between the two of you. It's going to be hard to pull that off if you feel and act separate from each other in every other room in the house.

Until a marriage is built on a solid foundation of commitment, communication and compromise it will have a shaky support structure. What I'd do is read as much as I could from those who have a successful marriage.

    Bookmark   January 24, 2013 at 4:17PM
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thank you amyfiddler "great" idea! lol. wasn't sure how to emphasize since there isn't the darkening tool to select. I am big on that. does it seem like yelling when it just one word, tho?

    Bookmark   January 29, 2013 at 12:34PM
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"wasn't sure how to emphasize since there isn't the darkening tool to select"

Which is why most people use caps...

Whole sentences is shouting; select words is emphasis.
You were okay as originally written.

    Bookmark   January 30, 2013 at 8:51AM
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I am late to this post, but I completely sympathize. I have been married for almost 7years now-and the marriage is almost on its last leg. Long story short-We met in Jan 2006 - got married in March 2006. Fell deeply in love, everything was great. Then I discovered he had a gambling addiction & low testosterone developed. Consequently sex became non existant. He kept promising that things would get better. We went from an apartment to a house. Then the obsession with money replaced the gambling. Now I basically had a melt down and said that I don't want to live this way. He moved out. He says he still wants the marriage so he is going to try to date me and see if we can recapture something. If not--divorce. I have to say that I love sex. I am 37 and still wanting to rock. This is like a cruel joke! I am not glad for peoples pain, but I am glad I am not alone.

    Bookmark   January 30, 2013 at 1:18PM
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