I am married and so is he-my heart is broken

praterdJanuary 20, 2010

We are co-workers, he pursued me. We had a short affair, my husband found out now my co-worker will not talk to me and I miss his friendship. Neither of us have kids. Please someone just provide some insight on why all of this happened. Why did he pursue me, did he have feelings for me? Is he just an ass? I am heartbroken without him in my life.

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asolo

Why? Don't be silly. You don't get know. Certainly not from total strangers on the internet.

Make a mental adjustment and move on.

    Bookmark   January 20, 2010 at 10:28AM
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suzieque

Maybe you should ask yourself why you responded to his pursuit, and endeavor to fix whatever is broken in your own life.

    Bookmark   January 20, 2010 at 11:46AM
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western_pa_luann

"Is he just an ass?"

HIM??

I think YOU are for putting your marriage vows aside and sleeping with a married man.

    Bookmark   January 20, 2010 at 11:56AM
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popi_gw

For you to fall for this person's charms means that your were vulnerable. This means you have something crucial missing in your life. Perhaps you need to re-evaluate your marriage.

Are you happy in your marriage, your job, your lot in life ?

Sure you miss him...maybe that attention is lacking from your husband.

Use you head, and think about what it would be like to spend time with someone who sneaks around and cheats on his wife, cause if he did that to "her" he will do it to you.

Draw a line under this whole event, and use your head, and not your heart to plot a sensible future.

Perhaps you should think about a new job, as well.

Time will heal.

    Bookmark   January 20, 2010 at 5:46PM
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marysdottir

Is he just an ass?

Are you planning on trying to rebuild your marriage? If so, you need to get your attention off your loss and onto the harm you did to your husband and your co-worker's wife.

Maybe this guy is an ass but your behaviour was no different than his. You both put your interests ahead of those of other people; if we're counting, you hurt two (your husband and his wife), and he may have hurt three (his wife, your husband and you). Who cares what the numbers are? You both did exactly the same thing to someone who trusted you.

How is your husband doing? Does he miss your friendship? Is he heartbroken? Maybe you have something in common there.

    Bookmark   January 20, 2010 at 11:34PM
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amyfiddler

You're asking some interesting questions, but the answers will not get you any closer to where you need to be - you're asking questions about him, rather than about yourself (as alluded to here already).

It sounds as if you don't want the affair to end. It makes perfect sense that once the secret is busted, that your lover wants nothing to do with it. He's probably afraid his wife will find out, and he's probably had a bit of reality shaken into his fantasy.

What do YOU want? What does your husband want? Are you interested in what's going on with your husband at all?

It is normal to go through a withdrawl when an affair ends. That very fact is abhorrent to those watching - it hurts. But the feelings don't turn off automatically - you have to WORK to end those feelings. That means quitting your job, attending to your marriage, getting to a place where you understand what that affair was serving for you. It's work, work, work. That's the price you pay for your error, and to regain trust with your husband. If you even care to.

    Bookmark   January 21, 2010 at 12:58PM
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scarlett2001

Sounds like your broken heart is a bit self-inflicted.
And jeeze, if you gotta fool around, please not at work. That never ends well.

    Bookmark   January 25, 2010 at 6:37PM
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