Teaching a Friend Guidelines of Friendship
I've got a friend who is immature in a lot of ways. I've noticed that she does things like order an appetizer for our table without asking the rest of us if we even want/like it, but she doesn't offer to pay for it when the waiter asks whose bill to put it on. And she never offers to bring anything over if you ask her to come over for dinner and a movie. To a potluck she'd bring something like a bag of coconut marshmallows and pixie sticks because they sounded good to her. (She asked me why no one at the adult party had any, and I did tell her in a nice way.)
I am generous with my friends, but I was not happy when she said that my husband and I know she doesn't make a lot of money. Um, I don't know that. In fact, I thought she was doing really well when she tells me how much money she has in her bank account (another sign of the immaturity to me). My other friends tolerate her, but they would rather I not invite her when we get together. And one friend told me that, as her friend, I should tell her (nicely) to grow up and get her act together. She can be fun, but she doesn't know how to negotiate adult friendships.
So, I have started just telling her what I expect from her. For example, telling her to pay for parking because I bought the movie tickets in advance for us. Or inviting her over for dinner and asking her to bring dessert. (Yes, we might get a bag of marshmallows and pixie sticks, but it is something.) I feel sort of bad doing that, but she just doesn't seem to know better.
Have you ever dealt with a friend like that? Do you think it's rude of me to invite her over and tell her what to bring?