How do you deal with the silent treatment?

laydeebug72January 1, 2013

My dh and I had a small argument Xmas eve over gifts. No big deal to me but here it is 8 days later and he's still not talking and giving me the silent treatment. This to me is so childish and cruel. It's not the first time but after being married for over 14 years I'm seriously TIRED of it and ready to just call it quits. I'm trying to act as though it's not bothering me but it's making me sick inside. I'm almost at a point where I'd rather be alone. Am I being to whiny about this or how would you feel? He has to have the last word about everything, wouldn't dream of apologizing if he's wrong and certainly doesn't like it when I express my feelings. ( normally I don't to avoid arguments)

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RuthieG__TX

It is such a childish thing but also very draining.....I also am one that tries to avoid issues and keep it to myself...but it is very draining......Maybe he will "grow up" soon...

    Bookmark   January 1, 2013 at 10:08PM
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colleenoz

I'd let him know how close you are to calling it quits. My DH was like that (especially on the apologising thing), but I had a serious talk with him and it convinced him to change. If your DH isn't willing to change then I guess he's not as into being married to you as he should be........what you do from there is up to you but at least you'll know. Otherwise you can look forward to a lifetime of the same.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2013 at 10:29PM
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pudgeder

The "silent treatment" is a form of emotional abuse.
He seems to have it down pat.
He knows it irritates you and it's done intentionally.

I think I would seek out a marital counselor. Even if he won't go with you, you will learn a great deal about yourself and your feelings.

I wish you well.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2013 at 10:39PM
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mary_c_gw

What...are you both 14? Childish behavior!

Tell him to speak up, voice his grievance. If he doesn't, then DO tell him how tired you are of his childish behavior, and how close you are to leaving.

But you have to give voice to your feelings, too, or you are just as bad as he is. If you are given to the "I'm so wounded, long-suffering, I'm so hurt," sighs in the very audible silent space, then you are just as guilty as he of prolonging the problem.

I have told my husband, on occasion, "I am so angry right now - do not speak to me for an hour!" Honestly, if neither or both of you can't communicate reasonably after an hour, well, you both need some help.

8 days is ridiculous, and a complete waste of everyone's time.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2013 at 10:53PM
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Tally

Sorry, I have to agree with the others. He sounds like a 6 year old in a pout fest, and you come across as a long suffering enabler.

Sorry to be blunt, but I think you both could use some counselling, and I don't mean marital. It sounds like you are ready to make a change in your life, and I would encourage you todo so. Stressing you out to the point of making you ill is abusive.

Find a counsellor who can help support you, and give you the strength to move on. There's more out there for you than living with a manipulator.

Good luck to you.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2013 at 11:07PM
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YogaLady1948

As my Good Friend Dr Phil always says 'you tell people how to treat you' speak up Girl! Being passive agressive solves nothing. Go to counseling with or with out him. Marriage is not always easy but it should not be hard or hurtful.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2013 at 11:17PM
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terilyn

Passive aggressive behavior, if you both put up with it for this long, get some counseling. Life is way too short for this kind of behavior in adults.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 12:32AM
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ravencajun Zone 8b TX

Would you put up with it from your child? There's your answer.
Pack a bag and take a few days away, at least one of you would be accomplishing something, and you might be surprised at his reaction.

When we got married the priest that married us and counseled us, told us something we try to apply to this day, never have a serious discussion when you are really hungry, and never go to bed angry or not speaking. I have found that to be extremely valuable information. I mean we are talking about adults here!

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 2:27AM
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amyfiddler

Definitely passive aggressive - and one of the most painful things a human can do to another.

"Here is what I would recommend. Something like this: You have been giving me the silent treatment for 8 days now. This is no longer going to be OK with me. I do not know if you are punishing me, or if you are simply uncomfortable and don't know how to resolve the issue, but regardless, you need to know that I am ready to talk to you when you are done withdrawing. I also want to go to see a counselor because there is something that happens between us that causes this dynamic, and I have to be honest, I am pulling away from you emotionally because this hurts too much. This may ultimately destroy us. I need to learn what I can do to make it safer for you to talk to me, and I need you to learn how to eliminate the silent treatment as an option for you to communicate your feelings.

One cannot NOT communicate, and what you are communicating to me is total rejection and it hurts me deeply. It cannot continue and us be healthy."

If you have to, write it in a letter form that he can read when he feels safe himself. Childish? Maybe, but all of us are childish when we feel threatened. If he won't talk to you, you must communicate to him some way. Don't make him talk to you, just let him know that you are available "when he is ready." This is what we do with children. "when you are done throwing your tantrum in your room, you can come out and talk to me and I'll be there for you." :)

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 2:38AM
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amyfiddler

PS sometimes I go to bed angry - because at midnight, nothing good is going to happen. Get good night's sleep and resolve it tomorrow is my motto! But 8 days - no way.

PS just to show you how damaging silent treatment is - I was on the road with my band two years ago - the lead singer was very irresponsible, and disappeared one night with strangers after the show - the next morning we had to hit the road and he was no where to be found. We would be late - wanted to leave him but he was the lead singer ! I was new to the band - the were used to his antics and used to yelling at him and beating the crap out of him. I suggested a psychological twist, and told them that when we found him we should just remain silent for the duration of the two hour drive. We found him and did just that, and within 30 minutes this guy was bawling.

Bawling.

And I'm not sorry for it. He deserved it, and didn't give us crap for the rest of the tour. Till the next trip, anyway Haha!

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 2:42AM
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Cynic

I see something others seem to have missed or intentionally overlooked:
"My dh and I had a small argument Xmas eve over gifts. No big deal to me but here it is 8 days later and he's still not talking and giving me the silent treatment."

OK "small argument" "No big deal to me" Quite obviously it IS a big deal to him. No idea what the argument was about, but without knowing more I won't condemn either. Sounds to me like you're contributing to it just as much as is he and so I suspect the childish and cruel aspects are quite possibly both sides perhaps?

To be blunt, when people give part of the story and look for support for their position, a rational person has to suspect there's more to the story. One thing's for sure. The lines of communication need to be opened up. To me, it seems strange someone would want to, or be advised to break their vows and destroy a 14 year marriage for something they classify as no big deal.

I'd suggest talking to him but hold the silliness so far suggested of threats and claiming passive-aggressive and other childishness. Find out the problem before making wild claims and threats. You're both hurting and instead of the suggested hunt for vengeance it seems to me that a little communication would be far better in the long run. Tell him your problem, in a calm and rational manner and LISTEN to what he has to say. You might both be surprised at what you discover.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 4:28AM
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Cynic

And to answer the question how do I deal with it, it depends on from whom and about what. I'm getting the silent treatment from some and enjoying it tremendously! (Silence truly can be golden at times!) Others, I ask what the problem is, if I don't know. If I do know, it depends on what I want to do about it. Sometimes I'll acquiesce to their needs, and other times I hold my ground if it's a strong issue with me. I've had the silent treatment from family members since I wouldn't condone committing felonies. Nope, I don't give on that!

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 4:32AM
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kayjones

I've been in your shoes. Here's what worked for me: STOP being the Domestic Diva until he speaks! He will speak up when there are no clean clothes EXCEPT yours. He'll be willing to talk when there's no meals prepared, except FOR YOU.

Tell him, right up front, that if he's going to shut you out, essentially forcing you to be alone, so be it - consider yourself ALONE.

Let him know that when he decides to be half of the relationship, your services will start again. Believe me, he'll speak up!

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 7:48AM
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rob333

(((laydeebug and hubby)))

I like Amy's advice. It's seems even keel and well stated. It'd get my attention. I wish you well on your journey. I hope you end up where you want.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 8:32AM
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fran1523

There's a lot of good advice from the others here. It's unfortunate that you have to start the New Year with the prospect of a failed marriage, but as other said, life is too short. You deserve better. Please get some counseling for yourself and do what you need to do for yourself and your children if you have any.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 9:00AM
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hounds_x_two

I''m agreeing with cynic on this one.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 9:41AM
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chisue

Would your DH write down his grievances if you promised to take them seriously? In my experience some men are afraid to talk about their concerns. You can't *know* with certainty why he is upset if he won't tell you.

I think every adult can benefit from a little talk therapy as an individual and as a couple. Often it is some very old hurt that needs to be resolved; it was just triggered by the Christmas argument.

You may not be the only partner considering a divorce.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 9:48AM
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dedtired

I agree that it is very childish of him. Just how long does he plan to keep this up? Forever? You both need to confront the problem and work it out. I would be hurt and angry if someone treated me that way.

Not to make light of your situation, but I remember an episode of some tv show where the wife used the opposite treatment to "punish" her husband. She talked at him constantly and nearly drove him nuts. I think that is a far better way to torture someone than not talking. The other person may actually enjoy the silence!

Time to bury the hatchet but not in each others heads. Good luck.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 10:34AM
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morz8

When my sis was deciding whether or not to end her first marriage, she presented her then husband with a list of things she would need to stay.

The first condition on the list was that she would be spoken to. She was willing to try counseling if necessary, but she wasn't willing to go through punishment by silent treatment any more, wondering what she had done, how to fix it, being made to feel responsible for it. She didn't want their children to witness that any longer, have them think it was a normal way to treat someone you professed to love.

It's controlling, and emotional abuse. They did divorce, even though that wasn't the outcome she had hoped for - she just couldn't continue in that example for the kids even if she had been willing to cope with it herself.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 11:21AM
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katlan

I'm also with Cynic on this.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 11:44AM
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gibby2015

If it's someone I want to continue to have a relationship with I confront the issue within the first day and try to work through it. DH and I never go even 24 hours with the silent treatment over anything. However we're both willing to empathize and apologize when warranted.

It sounds like you have some deeper underlying marital issues that might benefit from professional counseling as others have suggested.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 1:46PM
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marie_ndcal

Post removed.

This post was edited by marie-ndcal on Thu, Aug 1, 13 at 18:14

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 4:20PM
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Cassandra

marie, she only posted last evening so why get on her case? Some people do work, you know, and are gone from early morning to dinner time.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 4:47PM
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ellendi

Since this is a forum, basically of strangers, sometimes the etiquette in real life doesn't have to apply here.
Yes, it is always nice to get a reaction from the original poster, but sometimes these threads take on a life of their own and we all get something out of the responses that have been contributed.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 6:21PM
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YogaLady1948

I did not know there were rules that you have to Thank people for responding to you??? Maybe all of the responses have been to much for her, whose to judge, maybe she regrets posting??

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 6:40PM
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amyfiddler

Settle down now. Not everyone lives eats and breathes online. In fact, I'm going to go use the bathroom now. Hope that's ok....lol kind of.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 6:54PM
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laydeebug72

Wow! You guys are awesome and fast! Sorry for not responding sooner but I had to take DD back to college today without dh of course because wd are now on day 10. I just got in to check the forum and had no idea I would get so much NEEDED advice. Thank you all so much. Here I thought I was just venting but you all gave me si much to think about. I'm not at all against Counselling though I'm more than sure he won't attend. I tried talking yesteday but he just simply ignored me. I'm really sick of being ignored and disrespected this way. To add a bit more info, this is a man who has spoken to his son ( from 1st marrige) in over 11 years b/c of a truck! Who also hasn't spoken to his family in the 16 years that I've known him, so he's a pro at cutting people off ( who don't "comply") guess while I'm typing this a light is finally coming on in my head! I do love my husband but I didn't grow up this way. My family communicates this to me is SO disfunctional.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 8:54PM
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sylviatexas1

'he's a pro at cutting people off ( who don't "comply")'

Since people don't have to be forced to 'comply' with something that they want to do, a control freak can be assured that he (or she) is *really* in control only by making people do something they don't want to do or by keeping them from doing something they do want to do.

The person who's being made to comply *never ever gets what he or she wants/needs*.

Control freaks are like 2-year-olds;
no matter what the question, the answer is always no.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 10:24PM
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frugalwallflower

You are living with someone who is a "pro" at cutting off people who do not comply with his ways and that is so sad. After all you've expressed, it leaves you one choice: Do YOU want to live this way or not?

If he can excommunicate a son, then he can do it to a wife. He's selfish and immature. He might have Narcissistic Personality Disorder or another personality disorder and that will NOT change. But you can change your quality of life by getting out of there.

I've reached my 40's and won't take half the garbage I did 20 years ago. You have a limited time on earth. Why waste it with poisonous people?

Best wishes for a better life of your own making!

    Bookmark   January 3, 2013 at 7:15PM
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dedtired

Why don't you say "Well, I'm going to go buy myself a new Mercedes Benz. If that's not okay, just say so." and see if that gets a response.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2013 at 8:48PM
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marie_ndcal

Sorry, I was having a bad day

This post was edited by marie-ndcal on Thu, Aug 1, 13 at 18:17

    Bookmark   January 3, 2013 at 9:00PM
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colleenoz

He certainly does sound dysfunctional, laydeebug. If he's not spoken to his son in 11 years and his family in 16 who's to say he hasn't embarked on a similar plan for you?
Whether he goes to counselling with you is somewhat irrelevant as you can use it to clarify in your mind whether you are up for a lifetime with this kind of treatment or whether it's time to throw in the towel and call it quits.
I recall another poster on a different GW forum who phrased it to her husband, something along the lines of, "I'm going to counselling. If you come, I'd like to discuss how we can save our marriage. If you don't, I'll discuss if I want to save our marriage. Your choice." She's happily divorced now.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2013 at 10:24PM
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ellendi

I agree with counseling . The fact that he couldn't put his disagreement aside to help drive his daughter back to college, is very telling.
I am so sorry you are going through this and whatever is wrong with your husband it will probably get progressively worse.
Men think differently than women. They need their space differently than the way women do. But clearly even your husband can see that not speaking for all this time is hurting your marriage.
You say you love your husband but I wonder if he loves you. I am also wondering if he wants to still be married. If the answer is yes to both these things than his behavior can't continue.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2013 at 11:02PM
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rob333

Sylvia you always say something that just sticks with me. "Control freaks are like 2 year olds, no matter what the question, the answer is always no."

YEP! You're so smart! You just make me smile and nod.

    Bookmark   January 4, 2013 at 4:25PM
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joyfulguy

What a great Christmas present to hand to one's spouse!
________________________________

"I'm heading for the bar - want to see whether I can find a nice person/(man) who'll talk to me."
________________________

How would he react to teasing? That'll lower the blood pressure for some ... but just exacerbate it with others.

What about putting a piece of duct tape over your mouth? No, that wouldn't work, as you'd want to do it for a while, more than likely, and you'd want it off when he's not around. How about wrapping a cloth band, perhaps with elastic in the back, around that part of your face?

No, that wouldn't work - just make things worse.

He's become addicted to this kind of behaviour, it appears. And not about to change his course easily.

Are you needed at your place? How about taking off for an unreported visit to Mom, or a brother/sister, for a while? Seems as though you're about as valuable around your place as the year before last year's unused Christmas present.

I agree with the others that you need to talk to a professional counsellor ... do you have a conection with a faith group? Do you know whether someone there has some skill in this department?

I agree also that it's unlikely that he'll be willing to touch anything like that with a 10-foot pole.

Also ... apart from this, and perhaps other, instances of emotional abuse, I wonder whether he's inclined to be abusive physically, as well? Probably not, if he can get his way by meanness.

ole joyful

P.S. Think that he might yell ...

... were you to stick a thumb tack on his chair at the breakfast table?

(just kidding)

o j

    Bookmark   January 4, 2013 at 5:32PM
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kayjones

O.J., I agree - stick a carpet tack strip on his chair and see if he has anything to say - heck, he might actually laugh!

When my late husband would occasionally 'bull up' (as my mother would say), I'd crack really corny jokes until he laughed - worked with him and he was soon over it. My first husband, on the other hand, would just get madder at me if I tried to get him to speak, using jokes.

    Bookmark   January 4, 2013 at 5:49PM
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joyfulguy

Hi Kay -

Yeah - making a joke of it works with some ... with others it doesn't: just complicates the problem even further!

The trick is - to know when it may work - and when it won't!

I think they call it playing with fire.

o j

    Bookmark   January 4, 2013 at 7:36PM
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cheerful1_gw

I'm getting the silent treatment now from my husband. His issue with me is, he feels I don't think when I speak, and I do not communicate well. Not the first time this has happened.

laydeebug72 - how are things going?

    Bookmark   February 20, 2013 at 2:07PM
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breenthumb

Sometimes it's almost welcome.

    Bookmark   February 20, 2013 at 6:55PM
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YogaLady1948

My good friend Dr Phil~~says you tell people how to treat you. I believe that~~I also agree with 'breenthumb'. I'd reather not talk with anyone that is mean to me.

None of what I say helps, but if you have been married several years now, this must be your way of communicating, if you do not like it change the way you communicate~~

    Bookmark   February 20, 2013 at 7:14PM
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chisue

cheerful1 -- You 'don't communicate well', or you don't say what he wants to hear? I suppose you could write it down. He can read it and show you what parts he doesn't understand.

These silences are death to relationships.

    Bookmark   February 20, 2013 at 7:25PM
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katlan

So cheerful and laydeebug how are you both doing?

I really hope things are better for you both. Life is so short to spend it on unnecessary unhappiness.

Best of luck.

    Bookmark   February 22, 2013 at 3:34PM
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joyfulguy

((Duct-tape his mouth shut when he goes to sleep??))

ole joyful

    Bookmark   February 26, 2013 at 6:09PM
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cheerful1_gw

I'm not doing so well. Things were ok for a little while; I did something dumb yesterday (more like a "brain fart" for lack of a better word). Had the silent treatment all day.

If it was just a matter of taking each problem as it comes, then we could get past. He sees every problem as a part of my personality that won't change.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 7:00AM
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colleenoz

Why do you put up with it? It is a form of abuse.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 7:40AM
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YogaLady1948

Cheerful, Colleen is right it is a form of abuse~~you need to go to counseling. Counseling does not mean the 'D' word. It can help you stand up for yourself and learn to communicate how you do and do not want to be treated.

I do not know your age~~if you are a senior maybe you can go to your local Senior Center and they may have someone you can talk too. Maybe the YWCA or your church or another church may have something.

You do not have to put up with this!

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 1:29PM
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chisue

If you are so *awful*, why doesn't he leave you?

Have to say I wonder about your user name here: "Cheerful One"? Is it ever OK for you to be grumpy? (I once worked with a man who was on meds for his clinical depression, but was always 'down' anyway. He once said he "liked a 'girl' to be pert and upbeat". Gah.)

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 3:07PM
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cheerful1_gw

The name is from something my old boss wrote about my job description, basically do this, this, this, this,etc., be cheerful about all the above. I referred to him as my "20 years of hard labor".

I think I need to change my username. Don't feel cheerful at all.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 4:58PM
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pekemom

My husband never gave me the silent treatment but once, early in our marriage (it's going on 43 years now), I didn't talk to him for 4 days....he refers to it as the "happiest" 4 days of his life....laughs...then I smack him...

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 5:04PM
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kacram

You both need counseling. People that supposedly love you should not act this way. If the one husband has cut off family, even his son, that is a clue. I say counseling and possible divorce, sorry, but the stress of this is not good for either of you.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 8:58PM
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cheerful1_gw

chisue: I think he wants me to make the first move, so he can say that I walked out, without anyone thinking he "pushed" me out. His pride and ego get in the way of a lot of things.

That being said, I don't want people to think I'm completely blameless; I just feel the "punishment" doesn't fit the "crime".

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 11:33AM
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chisue

STOP already! Of course you are not perfect. We assume there are two sides here, but...this 'sulking' sounds like he's an overgrown spoiled brat. Was he one? (There are also people who have so little self-worth that they keep pushing others to dump them, just to get the 'waiting' over with.)

Anyway...you'll have to make your list of pro's and con's about continuing to live this way, then take action. Can't waste your life hoping someone ELSE will change.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 12:37PM
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lily316

Cheerful, what is the something dumb you did that made him start the silent treatment? Okay if you don't want to say. But this is a form of mental abuse almost as bad as him doing the opposite and yelling/cursing you.

I have been married for many years and this has never happened . But my parents once didn't talk for a day, and it traumatized me as a young child. They had the happiest 50 year marriage I ever saw ,so this was such an anomaly, so scary. Seek counseling or leave him.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 1:44PM
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YogaLady1948

Cheerful, you may be 'Addicted to the Drama' goggle/bing it. Through my counseling I have found, the situations I was having the most trouble with, had become my addictions~~I put up boundries, and walk away when it becomes more than I want to be involved in. If I could I got rid of toxic people from my life, if I could not X them out for what ever reasons, I just limit my time with them.

This is my one and only life and I refuse to spend it with people I do not care for or do things that are way out of my comfort zone.

Are better off with him or without him?? Do the pro and con list~~~communicate your feelings with him~~not when you are fighting but when things are calm talk!

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 1:48PM
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ellendi

You are afraid of the unknown. Right now you have a familiar place to live and a lifestyle that you are accustomed to. It is so very difficult to make a move.
As so many suggested, try to get therapy for yourself.
Even if we play devil's advocate and "blame' you for the reason your husband is upset, this is still not how to treat another person, especially a wife.
I think once you have the tools to deal with your situation, your answer will become more clear.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 2:14PM
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cheerful1_gw

lily316: I had emailed him to tell him about some money I was getting at work (I call it a "finders fee"). He asked me a question that I misunderstood and I answered accordingly. He said "that's not what I asked", and went on about how I don't know how to communicate.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 2:25PM
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lily316

Wow! That's such an non issue to get him upset. I think he is the one with problems, not you.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 2:43PM
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sjerin

I would guess that the individual things that are making him upset are not the problem, just red herrings. He's obviously miserable and taking it out on you, but there are some people who just won't open up, even to those whom they love the most. Can you go to a counselor alone? She/he may help you find clarity. I'll say a prayer for you, Cheerful, because you're in a tough position.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 3:38PM
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cheerful1_gw

Thank you all for the great responses and insight.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 3:52PM
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pkramer60

Could your husband be suffering from depression and not admitting it or aware that is his problem?

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 5:31PM
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pudgeder

"went on about how I don't know how to communicate."

Rather ironic to me the one using the silent treatment to punish you is the one accusing YOU of not knowing "how to communicate."

It's been stressed over and over, GO to counseling. WITH or WITHOUT.

In fact, I suggest you go with out. You need to learn how to stand up for yourself.
No one can make you feel inferior without your permission, and you are giving him permission to stomp all over you.

Please get some help.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 9:29PM
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colleenoz

So what if he can say it was you that walked out? If anyone asks, just tell them you has thought you were marrying a man instead of a sulky child and had finally concluded after all this time it was unlikely to happen.

    Bookmark   March 6, 2013 at 11:43AM
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ellendi

Only two people who are in a marriage really know their marriage. But, when a marriage is not working, it is difficult to hide. Would anyone really be surprised if you decided to separate?
Sometimes couples can love each other but not be compatible. For whatever reason the two of you do not communicate well. If we take a physical problem like depression out of the equation, it could be that your DH just doesn't think you understand him. At this point, maybe after many, many years, he is disgusted and withdrawing.
This is why a therapist can help the two of you. Giving your spouse the silent treatment as he has done is not acceptable in a marriage.
I would b e curious to know what your DH would say if you asked him, "Do you want to stay married?"

    Bookmark   March 6, 2013 at 12:01PM
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joyfulguy

"He sees every problem as part of my personality that won't change", huh?

??

Horsefeathers!

ole joyful

    Bookmark   March 6, 2013 at 4:32PM
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wantoretire_did

I think that laydeebug72 post has been hijacked. She and Cheerful both have problems, but let's not lose contact with laydeebug72, the OP.

    Bookmark   March 6, 2013 at 6:53PM
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joyfulguy

Hi cheerful one (who'd like to have a second such around the house),

What would you say to the suggestion that you start your own post?

As there may be differences/nuances in your situation which we might tend to get mixed up with ladeebug's, the original poster.

I don't mean this to be critical of, and certainly not dismissive of, your presenting here, in any way.

It just seems to me to be a good idea to keep each scenario separate. While there are similarities, no doubt there are substantial differences, as well, which may have an effect on the ways that we might choose to respond to your need.

ole joyful

    Bookmark   March 7, 2013 at 2:38PM
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cheerful1_gw

It was never my intent to hijack this post; my apologies to laydeebug72.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2013 at 4:37PM
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wantoretire_did

Oops, hijack was not the right word. Should have said something like 'the post has taken a different road'. So sorry cheerful1.

You are both hurting and I wish I had a magic answer.

    Bookmark   March 8, 2013 at 5:19AM
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joyfulguy

Sorry if you felt that I was accusing you of hijackijng, cheerful1.

It is natural for someone to speak of his/her own similar experience, as you did.

When there was a substantial discussion relating to your situation, I felt that it would be preferable if that discussion could well take place elsewhere, as the circumstances, while similar in some ways, might well be different in others, and there could be confusion as to which scenario was which.

I tried to explain that I did not intend to be critical of you: guess it was inadequate.

I didn't have a feeling within myself that you were hijacking, let alone not having said as much.

Good wishes for at least some small successes in getting the issue resolved ... and we hope that it can be fully resolved, in order that your life can be more satisfactory.

ole joyful

    Bookmark   March 8, 2013 at 3:36PM
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joyfulguy

Looks as though these words of mine ...

... have resulted in ...

... some shut mouths.

Sorry about that.

Please don't take your dolls and dishes and go home, gals ... this was a nice party ...

... well, maybe a "helpful" one, would be more accurate.

At least, I hope that each of your felt some understanding and empathy, as well as some good ideas, being offered.

ole joyful

    Bookmark   March 11, 2013 at 7:48PM
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angiepangie

I read amy fiddlers advice and didn't read on. What she said was spot on.

    Bookmark   August 1, 2013 at 2:14PM
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JeanInWa

Here's something I found and will try to live

    Bookmark   August 1, 2013 at 2:59PM
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sjerin

I wonder how laydeebug is? It's sad when people experiencing much pain never get back to say how they're doing. We can only hope and pray things have improved.

    Bookmark   August 1, 2013 at 5:49PM
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katlan

I have been wondering also sjerin. I hope she can check back in just to let us know how she's doing.

I also hope cheerful1 will check in.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2013 at 9:50AM
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