So tired..

bmorepanicOctober 20, 2012

One of my brothers died this week. He was a very dear person and will be missed. He was a hemophiliac who couldn't take the clotting factor until just recently when they discovered how to tailor make one that wouldn't set off his allergies. He still couldn't take a lot of it but it kept him out of long term hospitalizations.

As he got older, he became more deformed from the bleeding into his joints and the muscle reactions to the volume of pain inside. Its been really hard to focus on the good he gave all of us - I wanted so much for things to be different for him. He was very frail. He slipped in the kitchen, hit his head which caused an intra-cranial bleed. They tried to save him by doing an operation to relieve pressure but it was unsuccessful. In the end, his standing instructions for not being kept alive by breathing apparatus took precedence.

As a tiny bit of comic relief, he died at a hospital in DC while living in Maryland. The DC Police are investigating as a homicide, so he may in fact be late to his own funeral.

As a second blow, another brother was hospitalized after having a stroke yesterday. He's seven years younger than I am.

I am so tired.

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I am so sorry about your brother and that you are going through this. You can't help but feel worn out.
I am sending positive thoughts for your younger brother and for you to have the strength to get through this very difficult time.

    Bookmark   October 20, 2012 at 10:25PM
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Oh dear bmore, I am praying for your strength! What a rough week.


    Bookmark   October 21, 2012 at 6:11PM
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Oh no. Bmore I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is hard to see your siblings, your family contemporaries, go through health issues. I lost one of my brothers a number of years ago as the result of a brain aneurysm and it was so sudden and devastating for us all. My other brother is going through some heart issues which will hopefully be easily rectified. I have already told my 3 sisters that I refuse to be the last one standing. It would be too lonely.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

    Bookmark   October 21, 2012 at 9:29PM
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Oh, what a week! No wonder you are tired. I am so sorry for your loss and your brother's illness, but do remember to take care of yourself so you can stay healthy and strong, even if tired and emotionally drained.

    Bookmark   October 22, 2012 at 1:47AM
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We used to be 7 and now are 6. The service was fine but caused a lot of intrafamily tensions - sometimes I wonder if that is the norm. I am trying to take care but I need a lot more sleep.

One of my sisters took the lead for managing this and the cremation. We are two funerals each at this point, she also did my mother while I've done my first husband and my father. I imagine we'd both rather not do any more. I told dh that, of course he could do with my body what would make him feel the best, but frankly, I'd rather skip the whole thing.

My only request is to die outside if that is possible, even if its cold and snowing. He sort of understands that I feel the most spiritual outside and would rather hear the birds or feel snow last instead of fan motors and bleeping.

The DC police finally decided that they will release his body as he died accidentally.

    Bookmark   October 25, 2012 at 10:04AM
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Dear BMore:

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I just hope you can find strength and comfort in your memories of your brother. I hope you don't take that as a corny thing for me to say. I definitely concentrate on the happier times with my father and my MIL and FIL and it does help. As you probably know.

I normally don't respond to posts as I am so disconnected from the rest of you (me way out in the middle of the Pacific and most of the gang on the east coast) but you were so kind to respond to my 2011 request for layout help that I wanted you to know I am thinking of you and sending you prayers and hugs.

Bless you and your family,

    Bookmark   October 26, 2012 at 10:04PM
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Thank you. It is getting better.

    Bookmark   October 27, 2012 at 7:33PM
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I am so sorry for your loss. Hoping that your younger brother is recovering from his stroke.

Please take care of yourself.

    Bookmark   November 9, 2012 at 10:36PM
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I'm so sorry BmorePanic! I hope you are doing better! I agree with honu3421...think of the good times. When my dad died, every time I thought of him, I made a conscious effort to remember him in happier times rather than in the hospital or even at home following his surgery which left him unable to speak.

It worked as I would go from tears to smiles-through-the-tears. Now, my memories always seem to go to those happy times!

With the holidays approaching, it will get even more difficult, but keep those happy memories front & center!

I'm praying for you and your family to find peace.

    Bookmark   November 17, 2012 at 2:45PM
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Thank you both. I wish easy holidays to all coping with grief in one form or another.

    Bookmark   November 18, 2012 at 5:25PM
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This is the first time I have ever checked the conversation side of the kitchen forum so I just found this. I am so sorry for your loss and pain. The grief process is not pleasant but is just that--a process. Give yourself time to heal. I've experienced it with parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, and a child but never a sibling. I will be praying for you and your family. Please keep us posted as you walk this road. We care.

    Bookmark   December 5, 2012 at 11:37AM
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Bmore.. Hugs. Please have some tea and make something nourishing. After my dad died, cooking helped reconnect and reaffirm life.

    Bookmark   January 9, 2013 at 3:36AM
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Bmore. - It's been over a year since you lost your dear brother, but I just saw your plaintive comment "We used to be 7, now we are six," and it resonated with me. Did you ever read the Wordsworth poem "We Are Seven"? It's about a man who meets a little girl and asks about the children in her family. She proceeds to tell him "Sir, We are seven..." and she tells where all the children are, and two are in the graveyard. He says that that means there are only five, but she insists that they are seven. He goes on his way, and then he realizes that this young child was wiser than he, because she understood that her siblings being dead did not truly remove them from her family. So yes, it was a tremendous loss for your family, for which you have my sincere sympathy, but still, you are seven. Your brother, after all, lives in your hearts.

    Bookmark   June 7, 2013 at 8:00PM
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I just came across this post and wanted to convey my sympathies in the loss of your brother. How is your younger brother who had the stroke doing? How are *you* doing now?

    Bookmark   July 14, 2013 at 2:42PM
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Add me to the caring crowd. I hope that time has smoothed the edges for you and the good memories trump the crappy sad feelings.

I am sorry that you are having troubles with your stove-as I recall from the appliances forum.

I am an only child and I so wished for a brother or sister and you are lucky to have had six of them. Someone to play with as a kid and to share, as you have with your sister, as a grownup.

You have a wonderful sense of humor and that must be a great help when you have a bump in the road. I admire your humor.

And thanks for hanging out here in this nifty community, bmore.

    Bookmark   September 15, 2013 at 12:32AM
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