Raising Boys.... a chuckle

lobotomeJune 27, 2006

I've raised 4 of these creatures, and I can tell you that I know where this lady is coming from :D.

Some of you have probably seen this email, but some things are just worth repeating.

RAISING BOYS

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.

house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with

roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded

restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not

strong enough to rotate 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and

a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint

can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a

few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a

long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball

hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's

already too late

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though

a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year

old boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still

can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV

commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do

not

like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms

dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake

fluid.

Those who pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or

without boys do it because:

a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!

b) For those who already have children past this age, this is

hilarious.

c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control

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sue36

People I work with are wondering why I'm laughing out loud and blowing iced coffee out my nose! Why do parents insist boys are easier?

    Bookmark   June 27, 2006 at 10:36AM
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cupofkindness

I have always wondered the same thing! I've heard that for years! I think that those moms who have only sons trying to either: 1) Convince the world that boys are easier to raise (which is not always true), or 2) Supress their disappointment in not having any daughters, 3) A little of both. My daughters are easy, whinny sometimes but generally they can be reasoned with. However, my sons are a lot of work. I find them more demanding and harder to please. The adolescent male is very difficult to understand. I keep telling myself that my boys are trying their best and do love their family and do want to lead a good life. Yet I still am puzzled by their behavior. Testosterone is a very powerful hormone. I thought that having a husband plus being a Cub Scout Den Leader would provide some insight and wisdom into males, but I've not yet acquired the understanding I long for.

In spite of this, my sons are a blessing and they bring out the very best in me as a mother.

    Bookmark   June 27, 2006 at 11:30AM
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momcat2000

raising 5 boys here, all teenagers.
1. never put a ceiling fan in a boy's room, it's just a challenge waiting to happen
2.a spray painted white stripe down the dog's back does not make him look like a skunk.
3. count the tater tots on your plate if you have to visit the bathroom during dinner
4. learn to hide your food
5. old microwaves make great containers to blow up fireworks
6. pro wrestling is fake
7. there are sports that do not involve bodily contact and broken noses.
8. he who smelt it, delt it
9. no small superheros are allowed near the toilet (see #7 above)

  1. yes, there is food in the house, it just won't be ready in 5 seconds and jump on you plate
  2. if it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down
  3. run the water after you pee in the utility sink
  4. "AXE' deoderant is not a substitute for taking a shower.
  5. if you are not home for dinner, don't expect you brothers to leave you any leftovers.
  6. have some watermellon, not 'A' watermellon.
  7. the little brother you have been beating on all these years will eventually grow to be 30 pounds and 4 inches taller than you.
  8. a mexican street gang is not suitable costumes for halloween.
  9. koolaid tastes just as good as an expensive bottled drink
  10. when the windows are not open, the house smells like a locker room
  11. empty those gym bags every evening (see #19)
  12. no, we don't need a hot tub, hummer, jaguar or street rod.
  13. no, we cannot get a ferret.
    Bookmark   June 27, 2006 at 12:15PM
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lobotome

mom, I KNOW what you mean :D Aren't they fun creatures?

Everyone,

I honestly think that some people do better at raising one sex over the other. I'm a no-nonsense mom and I found my boys much easier than I do my daughter. I've been compared to the mom in Malcom In The Middle... and she IS my "hero" LOL!

It might be that I had my daughter last and I'm just not used to the whinning and moodiness that comes with girls. I love her dearly, and I prayed for many years to have a daughter... but darn, if I'd known it was so tough raising a girl, I would have prayed for another boy! Also, she's the odd (wo)man out as well as the baby of the family... that's probably a factor too. She DOES think she's special (actually she knows she is) as the boys all coddled her as a little girl, now we pay the price. Previously coddled "princesses" does not make for an easy teenaged daughter/sister.

    Bookmark   June 27, 2006 at 2:14PM
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lilathabit

Wow, things to look forward to! My baby boys are only 1 year apart!!

My cousin had twins one boy and one girl. She came up with this analogy: boys are like dogs, and girls are like cats.

I often wonder how my kids they'll turn out. I mean, even now with my youngest at 9 months old, I get into wrestling matches with him while changing the diaper or trying to cut hisnails. I'm physically exhausted after every poopy diaper. My first was a challenge too, but nothing like this.

I can't imagine how energetic he will be once he gets old enough to wrestle around with his older one.

    Bookmark   June 27, 2006 at 8:29PM
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skiddie95

I was a boy and am now a dad (and lilathabit's DH). I'll offer up both my own memories and a grain of salt:

- The right mix of red, black, and a slight touch of blue tempera paints can resemble blood. The effect is best pulled off by applying while making construction-like noises using power tools in the cellar, then screaming and running up the stairs. Make sure to wave your arms fast enough that your Mom only sees an impression of the blood-like mix.

- The electrical ignitors for model rocket engines often fail. Instead, shove a wooden match head-first up the engine and then light the end of the match and run. Best done in the small back yard, using just the engine and without regard to whose house you aim it at -- it will fly in circles and bounce off every house anyway.

- Never read the label on anything -- especially not that fiberglass repair kit you found and decided to use to patch the spot on Mom's car. BTW, Mom *will* wait on you during the days that it takes for the hardened resin to slough off your hands -- she'll have to when you tell her how much you really wanted to help her by fixing something for her.

- If you are told that you can't get a dog, use your allowance to buy dog biscuits and then sit out front calling to any stray dog you see. Pretty soon they will keep coming by on a regular basis.

Some grains of salt:

- He may get so muddy that he blends in with the backyard, but when you do go out to look for him you will find he's lined up mud cakes that he made "for you, Mommmy."

- A son will more likely be there helping you clean up when the basement when it leaks. And he is more likely to be able to know that you need a shop vac, not a regular vacuum.

- Properly channeled, your son's interest in paint can save you money on home renovation and decoration. (My grandfather taught me how to paint a porch when I was 5.)

- Properly channeled, his interest in fiddling with electricity will save you money on simple electrical work. (My grandfather taught me how to replace an outlet when I was 10 -- and my Mom encouraged me to learn basic wiring during my teen years. I passed the homeowner's electrical test in my county.) Okay, so the first time he forgets to turn off the breaker, he may blow the circuit and complain of an interesting ache in his arm -- after that, he won't forget again.

- Have you seen that T-Mobile commercial with the chatty cell-phone girl who loves bubble gum? Girls can do that for hours (imagine not just the cost, but the mind-numbing effect of listening to it.)

- A boy is not as likely to want a bedroom so pink that it makes your eyes turn pink with soreness from looking at it. Okay, so he'll want to paint it with glow-in-the-dark paint; you'll save money on the electricity that you would have put into a nightlight.

- He may wear out his clothing quickly, but at least he will wear each thing more than once!

That said, does anyone have any tips on how to keep our 9 month old calm during diaper changes???

PS -- I hadn't heard that brake fluid and bleach thing before, but now that you've got my curiosity...

    Bookmark   June 27, 2006 at 9:42PM
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blsdgal

Mt twin boy animals turned 4 today (also my 26th anniversary). I already raised two girls and they were sooo easy. They would just sit in the corner reading books or play quietly in their rooms. I would have never dreamed that boys could be so different.

I laughed so hard when I read your post. This is so true--boys are an entirely different animal.

I was folding towels in the kitchen today and my boys had gone to the laundry room for just a minute. Something told me I had better check on them--NOW. One was in the dryer and the other one was about to close the door on him.

I love my boys but honestly-if they had been born first---my girls woudl have never been born ;-)

Thanks for posting this.

    Bookmark   June 27, 2006 at 10:54PM
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andreagb

I just read these out loud to DH. I was laughing so hard that reading took a long time (and I still have tears in my eyes) --thanks for posting these!

    Bookmark   June 28, 2006 at 12:47AM
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bill_vincent

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

THAT WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT!! ROTFLMAO

    Bookmark   June 28, 2006 at 1:52AM
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lobotome

Well I figured I should tell you guys the things I've learned from my own boys. Not too many as they've grown into young men and mom tends to wear rose coloured glasses when remembering her baby boys.

1. Punching someone in the mouth will knock out someone's stubborn loose tooth.

2. Laundry baskets make great stair tobbogans

3. Filling a hole in the back yard with water makes for hours of muddy fun.

4. Clothing is optional for 4 yr old boys especially when company is over.

5. A Marble CAN fit inside a 5 yr old's nostril.

6. A Marble does not dislodge from a 5 yr old's nostril as easily as it went in.

7. Dinky cars CAN fit down a toilet

8. Dinky cars do not dislodge from a toilet as easily as it went down.

9. You only notice missing dinky cars AFTER someone has decided to have a BM and the mess overflows in the bathroom.

  1. Bunny rabbits do not like bubble baths

  2. Lipstick will stain skin for several days.

  3. Using vehicles as trampolines will leave permanent craters in hoods and roofs.

  4. Sheets tied together can support a 10 yr old's weight as he climbs out a second story window.

  5. Peeing on the electrical plug will create sparks and smoke.

  6. Barn windows do not hold up to stone throwing boys.

  7. Vomit can reach a distance of 7 feet

  8. Dirty, busy, and devilish boys turn into rosy cheeked angels when they are sleeping.

    Bookmark   June 28, 2006 at 1:57AM
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reno_fan

Oh these are hilarious!

One boy, 2 girls here. I too think boys are easier. Not physically, as they are more prone to injuries and the like, but emotionally. They're very straightforward, and there's not a lot of emotion to have to deal with; hurt feelings, cliques in middle school, etc. Then again, I was big tomboy, and all of my best friends growing up were boys. I suppose I relate better to them.

I'll add:

-If an object is taller than say, 8ft, boys consider will consider it to be a personal climbing challenge.

-If it has wheels, it will be ridden.

-If a crash follows riding something with wheels, it will be ridden again and again and again.

-Blood from a crash will not stop a boy from finishing what he was trying to do.

-Boys will gravitate to the "XTREME" version of any sport. If jumping into a pool is fun, jumping off the roof is even MORE fun..... If riding a skateboard down the driveway is fun, riding it down a 200 ft hill is even MORE fun.....

-The smell from one teenage boy's shoe is strong enough to clear a room. It also makes an effective pesticide....

-Boys' olfactory senses do not develop with the rest of their bodies. They WILL NOT notice said smell from shoes, or the smell of their bodies after riding things with wheels in the hot sun for hours.

-Bathing can be torture for boys

    Bookmark   June 28, 2006 at 10:43AM
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pecanpie

DS was infinitely easier than his sisters because there were no mood swings involved. As long as 'their hormones' don't spontaneously combust with 'my hormones' (or lack thereof...), that's an easy kid, regardless.

Things I learned from my rocket scientist-

- Plastic snakes that glow in the dark after exposure to light do not glow brighter, nor for longer, when draped over a halogen lamp. They do, however, catch the ceiling and bookcase on fire.

- A wood roof burns really fast when the winds come sweepin' down the plain...

- A magnifying glass and a southern window can burn holes in a 110-year-old persian rug in whatever design you choose if you have patience and a steady hand and mom takes an afternoon snooze.

- Sugar cookies placed under the bucket of the bread machine smell oddly like burning insulation, even to the firemen.

And no, DS's name is not "Blaze".

    Bookmark   June 29, 2006 at 9:34PM
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sugarbreak

5 girls (19,17,13,2.5), 1 boy here (16). My son is a piece of cake. I am wishing that each of my daughters have at least 4 daughters of thier own. Well except for my 2.5yo twins. They are too little to be of too much trouble but the whining will drive me to drink sooner or later.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2006 at 1:58AM
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momcat2000

one good thing about having my boys all about the same age, "it's a fair fight"
years ago, i was in the back yard and heard a fight break out between my twins. my first thought was to break it up, but then i thought of the movie "the parent trap" and figured that they would HAVE to learn to get along or they were going to be very miserable for a long time. and , being the same size, one didn't have a physical domonation over the other.
Today, they still don't see eye to eye, but they have learned to egnore it when the other trys to press their button.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2006 at 9:02AM
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mjsee

I'm loving these!

If you have a walkout basement, a basement refigerator, and BOYZZZ---eventually beer will appear in that fridge that YOU DID NOT BUY. (We call ours the "magic fridge.") If it is good beer--it gets confiscated and DH and I drink it. If they went for "quantity over quality" it gets used to bait slug traps.

No, I don't for one minute think I've caught them every time.

And then there's the recycling--should we be PROUD that they recycle their cans (instead of throwing them away so they won't get caught) or ticked? (We end up being both...)

Thak goodness he's off to college at the end of the summer!

    Bookmark   July 3, 2006 at 4:33PM
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