How do I handle this one?
My brother's son has contacted me for the first time in 3 years and wants to pick up pictures of my brother and my mother. He says he doesn't have any. I figured after I gave him the money from my mother's estate, it'd be the last I'd see of him, especially since he got married over a year ago (which I found out from his facebook page) and I had no notice, invite or anything else.
Long story and many reasons as to why we are estranged, but among other things, he so often broke my mother's heart, including never coming to see her after he found out she was terminal though he said he would. Also that the only time we ever hear from him is if he wants something...like now. (DH wants nothing to do with him.) I called him to invite him to Mom's memorial service and he just said he couldn't come, and he didn't.
So any advice? Try to leave myself open to a relationship with him? Keep my expectations low? Keep it formal and cordial as with a stranger? I truly believe that the only things I could gain from a relationship with him are negative. He really loved my mom, but abandoned her when she needed him most. There's no way he would treat me any better than he did her.
I don't trust him and as he is my closest blood relative, I fear that should anything happen to me, he'd be the person others would assume would step in and manage my affairs. He hasn't proved able to handle his own, and I'd rather have nothing to do with him and let professionals take care of me. DH and I have done what we could in advance to appoint professionals for handling our affairs and have cut him out of the picture.
Yet part of me wants to perhaps try to understand, heal old wounds and make amends and hopefully get him to understand family relationships from a different perspective. Especially since I have so little family left. But, just like with his mother, I'm sure only a few minutes with him and I'll be climbing the walls with anger and frustration and conclude that no contact is best.
So call me stunned and confused and conflicted.
This post was edited by AnnieDeighnaugh on Sat, Jul 20, 13 at 20:09