Health question & answer session

MariposaTraicioneraApril 20, 2007

Celtic, is this another type of mojo? :-)

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the lifeof your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening....Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! !

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

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trailrunnerbiker

Oh my...that is one of the funniest pieces I have EVER read. Thank you for a good laugh this Friday morning. Caroline

    Bookmark   April 20, 2007 at 11:15AM
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igloochic

I'm going to take a Cabernet with me instead of Chardonnay....it's better with the chocolate :oP

    Bookmark   April 20, 2007 at 5:14PM
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celticmoon

Excellent!! Thanks for the laugh.

Hey do you know where that quote originated? I first saw as part of someone's sign off on another board, maybe a travel board someplace? Only with "..martini in one hand, strawberries in the other..."

One of my favorites! Even better with chocolate in there!

    Bookmark   April 21, 2007 at 6:30PM
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eandhl

Mari, you gave me a good laugh. Laughter is healthy!!! And yes, "round is a shape".

    Bookmark   April 22, 2007 at 9:56AM
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emagineer

I love it...and the older I get the better this piece of wisdom will fit. I'm taking a nap....after I have my milk and cookies.

Although, I did hear on the news that cardiovascular exercise wasn't what it has been made out to be. Another one of those scientific changes to what once was and will most likely change again. They were pushing the muscle strength/core balance.

    Bookmark   April 23, 2007 at 8:24AM
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