OT... my youngest boy moved into his own place
I went through this with my older boy... first college, then an apartment, then a move back to NY and again his own place. My younger boy stayed home till not quite 22 and just moved into a townhome with a friend. My house is an absolute diaster. I gave him all the furniture for the apartment since we'll be EVENTUALLY moving to the much smaller house we're remodeling. Couch, large chair, my old bedroom set, kitchen table and chairs, outdoor table and chairs, all my dishes, silverware (I bought all new stuff on sale for us!)EVERYTHING! I don't know what they would have done otherwise.
What a weird combination of feelings. I'm so very close to the boys... maybe cause I raised them by myself. My youngest is "my sweet one". And I know he loves me more then anyone in this world (tells me that without hesitation). I'm so excited for him.... he's been looking so forward to this. I know he feels like he's on top of the world. I know whenever it is he wakes up this morning he's going to experience a feeling of freedom he only dreamed about. But... my mind is playing games with me. I can touch the memory of giving him tubbies, hear the silly songs we'd make up and sing, and kick myself for times I remember I was unduly harse or acted out of frustration/exhaustion. I find myself driving or writing (like now) and even though I'm not actively "crying" tears are streaming down my face. And yet... I have this comforting feeling that he's safe. The last year or so, he'd get home from work and half the time run out. I'd worry sick cause in the past he gave me reason to. And now I know he'll stay home cause he has his own space. He told me I'll probably see him more then I did before. And in the end I told him "No one will ever love you like your Momma "Ti" (childhood nickname)and it's been a great ride." And he told me, "I may have made the road a little bumpy, but you're the only who really matters Momma". and then he kissed me up like I did him when he was little (and not so little).
So I'll to HomeGoods and the like today and look for the perfect rug for his place to match the chair, couch, etc I gave him. To go with the new comforter, towels, floor mats I bought him yesterday. I've already "food shopped" in my pantry and filled an extra laundry basket with staples. And then I'll clean all the dust bunnies which now roam freely since half my furniture is out, rearrange what I have, run my new dishes and silverware through the DW, and smile like a fool when he walks in later today to gather another load of "stuff" and eat Sunday dinner with us.
I'm ready for this. I look so forward to this next stage of my life, fixing our "retirement" home, my dream kitchen, watching my puppies run in the huge backyard I love at the other house that we'll get maybe by the end of this year. I dream about how some day my boys will settle down with a lovely girl and give me chubby little babies to adore. And that's when I know he'll look at me and understand the absolute all encompassing over whelmeming totally consuming love I feel when I'd say to him, "I love you bigger then the moon Ti".
OH man... I got alot of cleaning to do...