What to do? Your opinions please...
The story is too long to go into so I'll try to keep it short.
I live in northern California and my youngest sister lives in Arizona. All my other sisters and parents are in northern California. My youngest sister got married less than 3 years ago. She has a baby girl who just turned 6 months old. They moved to a new house while she was still pregnant. They now live in the new house but they've had problems and disagreements recently. They still have the old house and my sister wants to sell it. It is just sitting empty.
They keep separate money (he wants it that way, not her).
She pays the mortgage on the old house and he pays the mortgage on the new house. She pays for all the household expenses at the new house.
My sister hasn't worked since a few weeks before the baby was born. She has started to go back to work recently only on weekends to make some money since she still takes care of the baby during the week and she also breast feeds. She's had no income since she hasn't been working. She is running out of cash savings since she is still continuing to make payments on the old house.
Her husband is not helping her out.
She's brought up the subject of selling the old house many times with him. Whenever she tries to discuss things with him, he cannot seem to make up his mind one way or another. In the mean time, she continues to pay.
When I say, their old house, it is not really old, old. It is only about 5 years old, in a good neighborhood and is a huge house of about 3700 square feet. The new one is about 4000 square feet. So my sister is paying quite a bit every month.
They don't have a babysitter and my sister wants to go back to work. When she brings up the subject of getting a babysitter, he does not say anything. Now I see this is what he is: He doesn't want to have to spend any money. Money means so much to him that he wants to keep his own money. Now they are both young doctors and they both started their careers right before they got married.
To tell you how cheap he is, they took old dining room table and furniture from his sister. My other sister gave them baby stuff and smaller items. My youngest sister asked for the crib from my other sister but it was too expensive to ship. I know my youngest sister is generous and likes to buy stuff. Her husband gets on her case for buying anything. She went and bought cheap $30 chairs for the table they got from his sister. He got on her case about spending money. The thing is he makes a ton of money!
When he doesn't make a decision and sits on it and sits on it, he gets mad at my sister when she takes it upon herself to do something. And he blames her saying that she's the only that did it, who made the decision to do this or that. She gets blamed for everything.
Right now, he is not talking to her because she went to the old house to clean up their things and she put a bunch of stuff in a pile to give away. Some were his old clothes. Later they went to the house together and he saw his clothes in a pile and blew up at her. Why was she giving away his clothes? Well, if he didn't want to give them away, he could just take them back. There is also another thing, too long to go into right now. I don't want to bore you with my long story.
He's been mad with her ever since and hasn't been talking to her and it's been going on for weeks now. He's even suggested they live separately for a while.
She's trying to hang on and trying to work things out. They have a small baby. She suggested going to a therapist for help. He said that was a waste of money. So she offered to pay for it but he refused to go. He said she's the one with a problem, not him; he doesn't have a problem so he doesn't need to go.
What kind of an attitude is that?
In my opinion, I don't think it's going to work out if he acts this way. He's not willing to try to resolve things. He hasn't talked to her for weeks. He only responds when she asks him a question. He is so cheap that he's not willing to help out his wife who by the way is not able to work because of taking care of THEIR CHILD!
What kind of a husband is that? And he's willing to separate for a while from his own baby? What kind of a husband is that? Does that sound like a husband who cares and loves his wife?
I'm sorry. I'm the sister and I'm getting all mad.
So, I want your honest and objective opinion. I'm not as objective since I'm on my sister's side.
What should she do?
Does she have a chance of making this marriage work?
Can it work? What about in the long run?
My sister asked him, does the clothes matter more to you than your family? His answer: how would you feel if I threw away your clothes? If it gets this bad over something so small, what if it was more serious?
The sad thing is they have a small baby.
I know that if she moved to northern California, she will always have a place to stay and my parents will help babysit. They now babysit for two of my other sisters. But it doesn't mean she will get custody.
She is also worried that because she doesn't have money right now, that she may not get to keep the baby. She thinks she needs to stay with him, go back to work to make money first before deciding about moving out or not.
Sorry, it's long. Thanks for letting me vent.