This is a continued thread for anyone that cares to read.
Here is a link that might be useful: Custom Cabinet Fiasco Thread #1
I'm glad you started another thread on this topic. I nearly did an hour or so ago, but thought that it should come from you (meaning that you should have the right to decide if you want to continue to discussion or let the topic retire). I'm so sorry that this decision is such a monumental let-down. This terrible outcome is objectionable in so many ways, morally, practically, and everything in between. It sounds like this judge was just clearing his desk off at the end of the year. Can you pursue a criminal case against CFG on the basis of the forgery? Maybe the DA's office can be more productive and bring CFG to justice. A friend of mine took this approach. The route that she took the first time around (lawsuits) failed miserably, because the GC changed businesses. I'm sorry that this has happened to you and your family. Please know that you are in our prayers as you and your husband discern what to do next.
Oh Sheri, I just read the ruling on the other thread. I'm so sorry. The ruling could have been worse though, if you think about it. And I do agree - consider this your "hump day" and start on the road to moving on from this. I wish I lived in FL - I'd come help you finish those doors. Maybe you can have a door painting/finally got a ruling party and get a bunch of volunteers to come help you guys get it all done? If I lived near you, I'd be there in a heartbeat to help you guys out.
I'm thinking the judge just figured CabFiascoGuy wouldn't have the money to pay you anything anyway. I know it's a disappointing ruling, but you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip, and CFG sounds like a dud turnip. If you can't realistically get any money back from him, then you got about the best ruling you could...
Word of mouth. You've got the judge's statement of "shoddy workmanship" to back you up, and statements of opinion aren't libelous. So just pass on the word of mouth advertising.
Well....the best I can say is that perhaps now the worst is over for you and your DH.
It is so easy to say just "put it aside" or "move on" but living it is quite another matter.
I lived the opposite side when I was stood up by a customer when the final payments came due. Anger, frustration, disgust, and rage are just a few emotions which come with it. Not at all easy to just walk away. Not at all.
Perhaps a copy of your court judgement sent out to the decorators/contractors in your area (CFG's business area) would help get the word out. (Enclosing copies of other legal actions taken against him... since they are public information... might just come in handy too.)
I know that word of mouth is more important than any other form of advertisement. I spend zero dollars per year advertising. All of my business comes from word of mouth.
As to the legal matter of the forgery, you should persue that with the local police dept. See if you can get a detective interested in your case. It is possible that because your judge was evaluating a civil matter that is why he passed on the criminal portion.
I may be wrong, but that is my guess.
Good luck with whatever your next step is.
OH My! Sheri - I just checked in (I've been traveling) and the first place I went was to your saga, and I must say, I was quite surprised (but alas, not shocked) to hear how wimpy the judge was in this case. I can also share that my experience with judges lately has certainly been more whimsical than just.
I am so sorry this did not turn out better for you, BUT, as others have said, I'm very glad it didn't turn out worse. You can move forward now, and you have NO obligation to CFG... and that must be a relief.
You have been such a support to others through all your trials, that I just hope for the best for you, your family, and your kitchen in 2006!
I just finished reading everything - I'm sooo sorry to hear that this jerk got away without punishment for what he put you through! I'm hopeful that you can get your kitchen put back together soon, and put this whole mess behind you.
It's just a thought but...could you perhaps take the doors and drawer fronts to a refinishing shop and tell them to strip them and that's it? I know the stripping part must be awful, and I thought maybe one of those shops has better equipment and a quicker way..and wouldn't charge too much to just strip them.
My heart goes out to you Sheri, and I want you to get back on the road to a finished kitchen that you dreamed of. Maybe once all the doors are stripped and ready for painting a contractor would be more willing to take on the paint/glaze part of the job?
I know it's hard not to be very angry and bitter right now - I know I would be - this judgement was not fair to you. Just remember, you've got great kids, a husband who loves you, your health, and a stunning home in a beautiful area. Keep focusing on the positives, and, if some day you see CFG on the street...RUN HIM DOWN WITH A TRUCK! (just kidding...!)
Yep, the judge split the baby on this one. It happens all the time. He probably figured it would be difficult to collect from CFG anyway. What did your expert value the completed work at?
At least it's over and the lien will come off of your house. That was the major goal all along - - the monkey is off your back now. I'm glad you've gotten at least that satisfaction.
I just want to chime in, too, with my condolences that you didn't get the judgment that you wished for. At least you are vindicated by the verdict in your favor and the judge's statement that the work was shoddy. That's a consolation, and maybe it can be useful, too, as suggested upthread.
I was involved in a legal action against a tow truck company that had damaged my car. The dispute, mediation, etc, dragged on for 5 years. My insurance co. led the fight and paid for the lawyer. When we finally went to court, the verdict was in my favor, but, as the lawyer had warned me, there was no way to collect. I don't understand why the court can't enforce payment, but apparently it can't (at least when the damages are below a certain threshold). So, if your situation is similar, even if the judge had ordered CFG to make restitution, you might never have actually seen the money. My DH just commented that the law is not set up for the little guy.
I am just wondering: with regard to the stripping/repainting problem, what about homeowner's insurance? If the cabinets were already installed in your house, wouldn't damage to them be covered? (I'm sorry I'm not knowledgeable about this; I hope somebody else will know.)
Good luck, Sherry! I hope you can put all this pain behind you soon!
Sheri - that sucks large (sorry I can't help it - it does).
I have been following your saga and there really are NO words for what you and your family have been through.
I am a stranger but I am going to beg you anyway - LET IT GO LET IT GO LET IT GO!!!!
You can't control other's actions but you can control your reaction. Please don't do this to your health and your family. You are too good to let that happen. Stress and anger can be killers. Free yourself. I know you have so much going on with your mother. Again, we don't know each other and I know it is easier said then done but for your own sake move on and don't let the jerk-o@$/jack-a@* do any more damage to you and your loved ones. Renew your spirit and teach your children the best lesson you can ever teach them by moving on and enjoying life in the moment.
Wishing you a better 2006.
You've gotten so much good advice here...some of what makes the most sense to me is that you probably couldn't have collected anyway, which s*cks but which is probably the truth. Considering that the judge doesn't really give any good reasons why you shouldn't have gotten your $$, I can't help but wonder whether he thought it through and decided not to put you through the wringer for nothing. Although he's still a big jerk.
So I'd put together a little "publicity kit" for the CFG (NOT to be confused with the BFG :)) to share with local folks in the business. All you need to do is share *facts* with people, no libel at all. The work is now officially labeled "*shoddy*", and the pictures speak for themselves. Think of how much business that website about fireslate lost that company, and the people who put the site up were brilliant enough to use only positive phrases throughout, so they could never be sued...
Think of it as a short term public education project you're undertaking for the benefit of those who may come after :). You can do that while you're getting your kitchen in order...although now that I think about it, you might want to get your kitchen in order *first*, before you do the public education project, in case you might scare off some tradesfolk who wouldn't want to take the chance they'd end up with their work being "publicized" in the same way. Make sure you get your happy ending first, then take care of others...
Here it is pushing 2:45 AM and I cannot sleep. I have so many tangled emotions over these cabinets. My irritation at my DH's attitude towards me and shouldering the blame game he has been nagging me with for months has almost broken me. I've had a horrible weekend and it's taken all I can do to just not pack my DH's bags for him. His threats don't phase me. After all we've been through over this, he just is like a broken record about these cabinets. He finally pushed all of my buttons at once and I just laid it out plain as you can: I'm so SICK of hearing that ALL of this is MY fault and "when are you going to finish the cabinets" that I've had it. The weather here is cold one day and hot the next. Overall, it's not suitable to finish doors in right now. He is going to have to wait!
You know, for those of you that have been here dealing with the legal system, even though our lien is dissolved and I technically 'won', the end result is not equitable at all or satisfying. I am not happy in any way, shape, or form. I'm trying to be, but it's not working. You would have thought that the papers would have been a real relief. I believe somewhere, under all of this disgust, I am appreciative for the outcome. However, it's not like I "won", I just got what was right. I promise you, I would have gone to jail before I ever paid one red cent to CFG. I mean it, too.
I was really trying to just let all of this go but DH has turned into an evil NAG about all of this. He's managed to wipe all smiles and joy flat off my face about this mess. He's ruined New Year's and the whole weekend over this. Knowing how irritated he is, he went out and did something that he is telling he did 'for me', but alas, believe me, he did not! In angry, passive retaliation he wend out and bought a 37" flat screen LCD TV. He chose it without my input, ignoring all of my research. He also came home with a receiver for our sound system. He did this without me because he is angry and is going to do whatever he wants to irritate me...because I am irritating him because these doors aren't done! I can't believe it. I have no one to tell this to either. If I tell my mother or father, it will upset them. I just won't tell my sister or brother because...well...it isn't ....me. I'm just so depressed. I hate all of this and how deeply it has affected us. The receiver is NOT what I wanted. I specifically mentioned a name brand to NOT purchase, and what did he do? He bought the brand I did not want because he wanted to show me that he could. Well, bully, bully.
So, I know you're right about letting this go. I just don't know how to do it if my DH won't SHUT UP about the cabinets. I laid it on the line this weekend: if he doesn't drop it, I'll pack his bags .... and have them waiting for him one day when he least expects it. I'm telling you, if either one of us ever gets that far, we won't go back. I'm not playing games here. I'm sick of the misdirected anger. I think that's half the reason I'm angry: because my husband has blamed me from the get go about CFG. He keeps trying to play reverse-prophet and says, "I knew he was a cheat and I told you, too, but you hired him anyway." Well, he's WRONG. He never said that and we both agreed why keep looking since my sister's kitchen turned out so well!
Also, for clarification and correction: since I've had my kitchen modified, I have about 65 doors to refinish there and ten in my master bedroom. All in all, there are now 75 +/- doors, not the 84. I had 84 in the beginning. I had to have cabinets modified that caused me to have to repurchase 34 new doors to fit the modified doors. Even after modifying, I STILL have more doors than I ever wanted because I could not afford to modify four of the bases with drawers; so they still have four drawers in each base vs. three drawers.
I've TRIED to find someone to strip the doors. They wanted $45 a door for the smaller ones; medium~large would be $55. Once you do the math...averaging, 75 doors @ $50...is $3,750. That does not count 'detail' stripping/finishing as in ready for paint. No, that is just a dip and scrub down. On top of everything, I can't afford to do that. Right now, I have about 12~15 doors not done at all. The rest are ready for detail cleaning. The door that CFG ordered (mis-ordered) is a detailed profile with many ledges. It's tedious to clean, paint, and of course a true pain in the wrist to strip.
Up until I threw down the gauntlet today, he said he wasn't going to do one thing to help finish these doors. After our little "chat" about packing, he's singing a different tune. He said he will help me strip. This is the first time, too. I *do* want help, but his type of help is irritating. He's not detail oriented when it comes to cleaning so I really don't want him to get involved. Then he started muttering and actually boldly uttered his second mantra, "nothing's perfect so why sweat doing a perfect job? No one will notice." Well, I notice. I do the BEST job I can or NOT AT ALL. If I'm associated with it, then it will be done the best to my ability. If he had it his way, he would leave trash, bubbles, and all and try to sand it down, prime over it, then paint. There's NO WAY I'm leaving that green mess on those doors. It's off the majority of them and it's coming off the rest. Is he trying to get me to just say, "Forget it? I don't want your help?" I pointed out to him that his manipulations won't work. When the time come too strip the rest of the doors, I'll expect him to work with diligence and a pleasant countenance on his face. I'm not listening to him b*tch anymore about it!
DH is a bossy, retired Lieutenant Colonel looking for someone to push around and I'm not taking it...even though he really got to me more than ever this weekend. He is a pain in the fanny right now. If it weren't for signing online tonight...early AM, then I would have just really been so alone. I've had the hardest time this weekend. I've cried like I've not cried in a long time. It's all so very, very sad. I have to 'shake' this depression off. My mother and Dad will be coming over in the morning to do her hair and I don't want her to pick up on any of this.
FWIW. Truly, I know this could have turned out worse. I'm thankful the Judge wasn't a thorough cad and made us pay CFG. I was concerned about that possibility, too. I just can't fathom right not being done. My soul is the type that aches for right to be done.
Ladies...and Gents, please, though I'm not calling each of you by name, please know that I "love" you and cherish your friendship. I've just had the hardest time...and it's really hard having all of these unresolved emotions and feelings that I thought would be settled once the judgment came back. After reading each post slowly and a couple of times, I am genuinely going to try to stay positive and just do other things until it warms up enough to paint and do these doors. They're going to have to be done in the garage, so it needs to be early spring...if DH can wait that long. Anyway, thank you for listening and for your encouragement. May each of you just be so blessed this year!
I'm going to truly try to just 'be normal'...and hopefully faking it will make things seem OK....doors or not. I'm going to make up a song with Maggie's words...sung to Winter Wonderland's tune. "Let it go! Let it go! Let it go!"
Your post breaks my heart, the sorrow and depth of confusion and anger.... Sheri, this is where you start praying intensely. You must place those doors, the absence of perfection of your dream home, your all-too-human husband's bitter feelings and inadequate support, the injustice of the verdict, all of that before God. Give it over, Sheri. In your mind, put each door, put your house, put your marriage before God. Offer it up, and walk away. This is far heavier than you can carry. You know that. Grace will carry you through.
Sheri, please don't give your husband ultimatums. These are words that I know you will regret and are causing so much pain for both of you. No kitchen, no house, is worth a marriage. Especially yours, the most important marriage in the world. Try to understand how your husband feels, he too is out thousands of dollars and even worse,you seem lost to him as well. How sad for him, to see you suffer so much! He loves you and undoubtably would do anything to erase the anguish you are experiencing. But he can't do the work for you, which must leave him feeling hopeless. Let him buy whatever he wants. Even if it runs counter to what you want. He needs to feel some control over his finances and choices of material things. If buying these things helps him release some bottled-up feelings, then it might be a good thing. Don't take it personally, let it go. Don't spend the energy trying to control these small things. Do whatever you can to show him that he is more important to you than cabinet doors or unjust verdicts. And I know that he will do the same for you in time.
Pray that you will be detached, that you will understand what lesson you are being taught right now. Know that I am praying for you too. Many of us here are doing so because we know how difficult it is and how hard it is for other to understand. You have been through so much at the hands of CFG. He ruined certain aspects of your home, don't let him ruin your marriage as well.
Your house is still breath-taking, even if the cabinets aren't perfect. You have built a gorgeous, classic home that still can be the source of many happy times together. Sheri, you will not regret being kind and loving to your husband. You will regret being divorced. If necessary, see a doctor or a counselor. Take long walks every day. Go to church more often. Spend quiet evenings alone with your husband, even if it's just in front of the fire. Invite your friends over for a door refinishing party, even one friend over to help can lighten the load. Put on a pot of coffee, some upbeat music, and some chocolates on a platter to sustain you as you work. Take care, Sheri. I'll be thinking of you all day, my friend.
Just so you know I'm not totally pathetic, after just a few hours sleep, things feel more normal today.
I also have to add that my DD, 20, is putting me through the wringer. Still living at home, she's running around till all hours. I **understand** New Year's, but four nights in a row and having one of those 'stick with our guidelines or you're moving out' conversations, is a drain, too. I just can't put up with her rebellion and attitude. She's not a responsible adult, doesn't pay her way, and takes advantage of us. I snipped those umbilical cords this weekend. There IS a new day dawning.
Wow. Sounds like I was just about ready to show everyone out the door, doesn't it? I know this, no real sleep to speak of in four nights...two until at least 4 AM...the other two til 3 AM, really can throw you. As for last night...she came in around 12:45 AM, but I still couldn't sleep.
Any who...she waited until the last minute to finish registering for school yesterday, as did her 25 year old brother (living here, too, going to school after Iraq tour). It's just all of the unnecessary delay drives me bonkers.
Procrastination: no, that is not why our cabinets are not done.
And so goes life! =] Today, is a new day. I'm opting for a better conclusion. I also have to retrieve my documents from the Judge's office. I need them for tax purposes. I think I'll delay this visit a few more days...
Have a good day. OHOHOH...just thought of a 'dream' I had last night. Someone asked either here or writing me if I could appeal this judge's decision. Yes! I can appeal it. However, as already pointed out, as flippant and shady as CFG is, the law is the law: He is incorporated and is now doing business under a new name. IF I got $$$, I would have had a heck of a time proving assets conveyed to his new business in the same location.
My hope was that somehow, the judge would have had the ability to yank his chain for his lying and manipulating the contract. DH said that since he never had the original drawings or contract, our case was really 'not' as strong as it should have been. He could have thrown out all evidence.
Mark my words: If any newbies are having drawings made that are 'hand drawings'....make sure everyone SIGNS each drawing. Write "final" and the date next to your signature or initials. Any changes should show date & initials of both parties.
I understand completely how profound exhaustion feeds emotions. And I didn't mean to sound so serious or judgemental, I'm sorry if my post caused you to feel badly about yourself. I just want you to be happy. You have so much going on in your busy life.... Please know that I think that you are an incredible person. You are so strong and steadfast, both are qualities that I admire so much, Sheri. As for me, its time to start breakfast, I'll check in later!
Thank you for your post, Cup. I sincerely appreciate it. You're right on all counts. All of this is just STUFF.
I'm throwing out stuff left and right and STILL unpacking from our move. Can you believe over 20 boxes were in our upstairs hallway. I only have a few more left to unpack there. I've made a lot of headway this weekend.
For the last two days I've had to look at that TV and the peripherals on the hall floor. Some Best Buy salesman told him this reciever and some gizmo he sold him can handle 11 speaker locations. I say, uh...maybe so, but everyone would have to listen to the same station with what he bought. At the end of the day, it WILL go back because it is not what either of us want. He just doesn't realize it yet. When he gets ready to install it, I'll point this fact out. I know the reciever would handle the surround sound (which I could care less about), but it was also to control muzak, too, for several rooms downstairs and our outdoor speakers. I don't think someone outside will care to hear TV commercials. We already can use our radio/intercom speakers on another system on porches. This was to control the environmental speakers, too. Anyway, he'll realize it. I just hope he is calmer when that time comes.
By the way: I printed out two types of recievers that would work. He knows that if he wasn't going to go for the Bose Lifestyle 48, then the Onkyo was next in line. He **knew* this, too, because he kept saying Yoko Ono.
I'm seriously asking this: Does anyone know of ANY company that would sell me even new doors and paint them? Anyone have any contacts? If it were reasonable, we would consider this route.
I forgot to tell you this dream. I dreamt that CFG appealed this decision and I had to deal with the judge again and got to point out every single flaw in his judgment. Silly, isn't it?
I've been following your saga - and am nuts for you!
I bought our (beautiful!!) cabinet doors from www.maplecraftusa.com - we bought them pre-primed and sprayed at home using a high volume low pressure sprayer we bought from Rockler ($100 - a steal!)...but maplecraft will paint for you - matching zillions of name brands. I've placed a couple orders with them now - for our kitchen, family room and a bathroom - buying primed and unfinished hardwoods and have been super happy each and every time. I'm not sure the upcharge for painting - but their quoting process is easy and you could ask...
Thank you for that website. I'm going to call them and make inquiries. Who knows? My brother is a General Contractor and ordered my last doors through his business. Had he not, I couldn't have gotten them! I just hope this place is reasonable.
I emailed you a couple of days ago but have not heard from you. I also live in NE Florida and would like to help spread the word that no one should use the CFG. I know lots of people in the construction industry. I also just finished a kitchen and can apprectiate your frustration. I own my own business and one unsatisfied customer tells 10 people where one satisfied person only tells one of their experience. So let's get it out there. I assume there is no chance of a libel suit now.
I haven't been too into email this weekend. I read your email this morning and reconsidered telling his name. As for a libel suit, the Judge surely knew from what CFG has said that he intended to sue me. He TOLD the Judge he was going to sue me for the rest of his money and that there was "...nothing the Court can do to me." Well, the Judge seemed to agree in spirit to what CFG had to say about the law.
Well, the law is for the innocent, too. If a Judge is too lazy, uncaring, etceteras to protect the public, then what in the hell are they good for, really? Paperwork push and to collect a salary? God knows he may have been appointed, but if he ever comes up for election, his vote is toast in my book.
I sent you court case links, my case link, the guy's business name when we contracted from and his new business name at the same location. I thank you, April. I've been in a 'word of mouth' business my entire working career. I **know** the value of a good reputation and the damage a bad one can do. Sometime this year I'll go back to work in a new field as a Realtor. I most certainly will warn everyone I can away from this hideous experience.
FWIW, since you're in the area.....in the Jacksonville area, there is a very well known interior decorator that usually works at the beaches. J.T.I. (see link below). This couple, now in their 70's, manufactured cabinets they designed at one time and CFG worked for them when he first moved to the Jax area.
I delayed a few months contracting with CFG because of the hood design. He had an issue with some windows over my cabinets that have NOTHING to do with my hood. I wanted a chimney type of a hood to go through the ceiling, but have an arch over the range. This was a no brainer. He had other hoods in his shop like what I wanted. This was a very important issue with me. At one point, I was fed up with him and he gave me some story that he had consulted (out of his own pocket) with this interior decorator as a lure...claiming he was consulting with her over the hood design. So after handing over a deposit, I did not have a contract until the hood design was finalized!
I wanted to find out (after the fact), if CFG truly did consult with this interior decorator. I didn't hire her, so didn't call her until the day before we went to court. I just wanted confirmation one way or another as to if he told me the truth; and he had not. Well, the judge didn't care that he used this woman's old business name on our contract! I counter sued this guy in like seven names. So, the Judge conveniently ignored gross lies, insults, and facts. He just sweep our case out of his life to clear his desk.
Well, the day before court, when I called her business, I ended up talking with her partner, her DH. He told me he got out of the cabinet making business and CFG took over the location. CFG then took out a business name similar to the interior decorators name...all easily found on the www.sunbiz.org web site. CFG still does some work for them, but apparently DH was waiting to see the outcome of this case before he made any more decisions. I asked the DH if he would know CFG's hand drawings and 'work'. He said, "Yes! Of course!" I then sent him a copy of CFG's drawings and photos of what he installed in my home. He was appalled! The DH told me he couldn't believe it until he saw the drawings.
The next day, waiting to go into court, CFG said to me outside the judge's chambers, "You, Sheri, are an evil woman. God will get even with you for what you've done to me. How dare you call an old man and upset him. I will sue you for libel and defamation when this is through. You will not get away with this." I told him as low toned, yet audible to only my DH and CFG could hear, something like, "CFG, you need to be quiet, now. You should have thought twice about the consequences before screwing me." He was shaking he was so ill and upset. Now that I think back on it, I can't imagine him letting this go. He's a tenacious devil.
There's nothing like seeing the finish in person...and I just might take a drive to the beaches and show him. Surely, he may be able to help find another local painter that is more reasonable than $6,800.
Any who...please feel free to call me. I put my numbers in the email. Also, to 'see' what kind of work this guy has done, check out June's web site. I didn't hire someone that I hadn't checked out well. I think people quit on him and he just did a shoddy job himself on our cabinets. Look in the Gallery on the site below. The first kitchen you'll see IS one of CFG's kitchens. It's lovely.
Here is a link that might be useful: well known, reputable local interior decorator
I'm sorry this happened to you. I had a feeling this would be the outcome. DH and my BIL have been asking me if I am going to sue my floor fiasco guy (similar situation as yours. I hired him, he did a crappy job and I had to hire someone else to fix it. He threatened to sueb because I refused to pay the balabce). I told them about your story, and how you were waiting to hear. The longer it went on the more I thought the judge would do something like this.
I told them that I am afraid to sue floor guy because he would just pull the "I'm a poor immigrant with bad English trying to make a living, the problems were from poor communication, I so sorry", that the court would view me as a rich, white woman (in fact, he is quite well off, but they would never know that) who can afford to take the loss, while he cannot. In fact, they could ignore the expert's opinion and say I still owe him the balance I didn't pay.
I bet the judge in your case figures you can afford to take the loss and the cabinet guy cannot, so he said, "let's just call it quits". Basically, you got screwed.
Sue, that is the just desserts of it all. Let me show you something. I'm just listing what was posted online today. You just 'see' that everything listed came from US. I don't know how the judge could not consider the evidence. How many times did CFG say in court something to the effect, "I don't know these things." He was so full of BS I could read the judge like a book. I wanted to shake the judge and say, "Don't be deceived! He speaks great English! He's reeling you in like a fat cat." CFG even ADMITTED that he agreed to repurchase the cabinets and uninstall them and give me all of my money back in the beginning. He pulled a classic Ricky Ricardo statement like, "She never said when to come pick them up or ennyting." Sheesh he made me sick. The Judge would say, "CFG, do you understand what you just said?" He said, "I admit to nothing bad. She is bad and stole my cabinets." I'm telling you, I WISH I had a jury. I just WISH it.
As for being white and having money. Good grief. The only money I have is what we've saved over the years. I worked as a hair dresser for goodness sakes. I don't have a silver spoon, nor have had anything given to us.
Don't get me talking about money. The FIRST thing out of CFG's mouth when I told him I stopped payment on the check was, "I'm gonna' sue you for everything you have! I'm gonna' live in your house before you do! I'm gonna' own everything you have! You just wait until you see what the law will do with you for stealing my money!" that's a close rendition, minus the accent. Read those words. He didn't drop an article or misplace a noun. "I'm gonna' live in your house befor you do!" will ring in my ears forever.
I want to own his house. Yes, sirree, I do. You know, I was so hoping that CFG brought more witnesses. He brought only one, that was more helpful to my cause than his. See what all of my work got me....
12/30/2005 1 FINAL JUDGMENT/RECORDED AND DISCHARGE OF CLAIM OF LIEN
12/30/2005 1 FINAL JUDGMENT/RECORDED DC
12/30/2005 2 EXHIBITS FILED INTO EVIDENCE DEFENDANTS EXHIBIT #1-LETTER FROM CHASE TO WOOD CREATIONS,
12/30/2005 2 EXHIBITS FILED INTO EVIDENCE RETURN RECIEPT FOR CERTIFIED MAIL RETURN
12/30/2005 2 EXHIBITS FILED INTO EVIDENCE PLAINTIFFS EXHIBIT #1-CONTRACT AGREEMENT, COMPLAINT FILED
12/30/2005 2 EXHIBITS FILED INTO EVIDENCE WITH BBB, LETTER FROM CHASE TO SIDNEY E. LEWIS, ESQ., RETURN
12/30/2005 2 EXHIBITS FILED INTO EVIDENCE RECIEPT FOR CERTIFIED MAIL RETURN, LAYOUT OF COSTS FOR JOB
12/30/2005 2 EXHIBITS FILED INTO EVIDENCE MATERIALS, WORK EXPLANATION LIST, COPY OF LICENCE, COPY OF
12/30/2005 2 EXHIBITS FILED INTO EVIDENCE CHECK, LAYOUT OF PLANS, PACKAGING RECIEPTS, COPY OF CHECKS
12/30/2005 2 EXHIBITS FILED INTO EVIDENCE AND RECIEPTS, LETTER FROM MR. MARTIN, INVOICE FROM SECOND
12/30/2005 2 EXHIBITS FILED INTO EVIDENCE PAINTER, COPY OF CHECKS AND A RECIEPT, MISCELLANEOUS FEES
12/30/2005 2 EXHIBITS FILED INTO EVIDENCE DC
12/30/2005 3 MISC/COUNTY/ACTION ONLY COPIES OF PHOTOGRAPHS AND INVOICES THAT ARE LOCATED IN TWO
12/30/2005 3 MISC/COUNTY/ACTION ONLY SEPARATE BINDERS (NOT SCANNED) DUE TO THE LARGE QUANTITY AND
12/30/2005 3 MISC/COUNTY/ACTION ONLY INABILITY TO REMOVE THEM ALL FROM THE BINDERS WITHOUT
12/30/2005 3 MISC/COUNTY/ACTION ONLY CAUSING DAMAGE
12/30/2005 3 MISC/COUNTY/ACTION ONLY DC
Note: I see an error above. It says: "EXHIBITS FILED INTO EVIDENCE PLAINTIFFS EXHIBIT #1-CONTRACT AGREEMENT, COMPLAINT FILED"...NO, EXHIBIT #1 IS DEFENDANT'S COPY OF THE ORIGINAL CONTRACT, NOT THE PLAINTIFFS! HE DIDN'T PRODUCE A CONTRACT until Day #2, which he forged!
Sheri, I'm so sorry that you aren't getting any satisfaction or peace yet. It will come. It will. Just takes time and you are strong and confident and capable.
BTW, I was spitting mad at my dh last year for similar type of circumstances. Finally I got past it by talking to myself about reconnecting with the things I love and appreciate about him and letting go of who is right and who is wrong. We got past the money stuff and the other conflicts and this has been the best year ever. I'm not saying I just rolled over and played dead, it did bring up important things for us both to think about and talk about what we really wanted. It got us moving toward the future instead of trying to re-write the past. You've been married a long time, you've probably gone through similar in your past.
Re: the doors. DH sanded the cabinet doors on our old house and I would never want to go through that again. Very tedious. I like the idea of just starting over on the doors. Maybe it'll be like buying back your sanity. (not meant literally, just saying this situation would drive anyone bonkers). And maybe someone would buy your existing doors on Craigslist b/c they want to prime and paint them? Yeah, that's not likely, but maybe give them to Habitat for Humanity and take a charitable tax deduction?
Anyway, take heart and take care. Your kids and your dh are home safe with you and that's what is really important. Think ahead to the summer, when you will have an attractive, functional kitchen and a calm and happy family who has a calm and happy wife and mother. I know I sound like a broken record and I don't want you to think I don't understand your justified anger, because I do. It's just that, well, the old cliche, the best revenge is a life well lived.
"As for being white and having money. Good grief. The only money I have is what we've saved over the years. I worked as a hair dresser for goodness sakes. I don't have a silver spoon, nor have had anything given to us."
Sheri, I am not *accusing* you of having money (if someone can be *accused* of such a thing!). I think it is more about perception. An assumption that someone remodeling a kitchen has more means than a poor immigrant from wherever. As I said, you got screwed.
You may not like to hear this, but I think the issues between you and your husband might have worked against you. If someone has not experienced first hand the stress of dealing with a remodel or build they might not understand. DH and I have almost come to blows many times. I kicked a hole in a wall. I don't know how many cell phones he has gone through (from slamming them on the ground, I learned to buy him the cheapest replacement ones). He might have thought you and your husband were *difficult*.
You should feel somewhat vindicated in that you won the moral case, even if not the monetary one.
Sheri, I am so sorry to hear how upset you are. Living through construction is extremely stressful for everyone, and your experience is especially difficult.
I think you should speak to a marriage counselor, clergyman, psychologist, or a friend. You need to vent and work out your feelings. Your kitchen WILL get finished and WILL be beautiful, but YOU must be happy first!
Adult children living at home only add to your stress right now.
You must be happy with yourself. You must reconnect with your husband- find your common ground.
Jfrorelo is right- family is most important. The rest is just things.
Most marital fights are over money, and we all know how expensive new kitchens are!
Put your energy into finding peace for yourself right now.
You must feel good about yourself first. Then deal with everyone else. Get help! Talk to someone!
Then ask your DH to come with you for counseling.
You can get through this! We are all rooting for you!
Sue, you make me laugh! I didn't take you wrong. You hit the nail on the head with CFG. He implied/stated on several ocassions that he thought we could afford more than what I was paying him. Thanks for sharing about the cell phones. DH went through two while building. I believe I've thrown a set of keys myself.
To all of you that may be reading this and you're just starting out: I cannot express how difficult and straining building or remodeling can be. It affects each of us differently. May I suggest you purchase a "one free night away" card at your local motel? It will get used.
I want to thank you all for your amazing way with words. I can't tell you how insightful and accurate your discernment has been. I've whined and waled for months....and it's come to this. Thank you for "restating the obvious", as my 14 year old likes to point out, and setting me on the path of healing past it all. Letting it go is a skill! It's not happening over night.
jfrorelo: I've been doing the positive imaging all day. It's a habit I've fallen short of late. I'm making every effort.
I am so thankful for your posts. I just can't tell you how helpful you have been for me. Thank you.
Sheri, I suddenly have an image of Scarlett O'Hara at the end of Gone with the Wind, everything is lost, and she's standing there at Tara, determined - "After all, tomorrow is another day!"
Of course she lost Rhett and the house was a shambles as was the entire South, so I think you have a leg up on Scarlett, LOL.
Aren't you the riot this morning! The smile on my face at the image you see... has made my late night headache feel so much better this A.M.! =]
Today, IS a better day!
Really, you have to get over it. Nothing is going to change except how you react to it. The important things in life is your family, healthy and being together. Don't let that a-hole tear you two apart. Stuff happens, we all make bad decisions altho yours was costly. Get over it, its ruining your life because you LET it. You'll get sick if you don't stop fixating on it. don't take this wrong, I wish things had went different for you. But its over...or it sure needs to be.
Now posted online is the Final Judgment and Discharge of Lien! I would just like to say again, Thank you again for being here when I needed support the most.
Here is a link that might be useful: A special thanks and final judgment
Wonderful link, though of course I was sad to see the judgement. In any case Sheri, where did you learn to make the fabulous web pages that you create?
Sheri, As far as I'm concerned YOU WON! and CFG's work got labelled shoddy and out of contract. By a court. After everything that CFG said in front of the Judge, including his "poor immigrant worker" act, he is not going to collect another penny from you. Its too bad that he won't have to pay for actually finishing them, but, (a) he's not going to get the amount you two contracted for and (b) his work has gotten labelled shoddy and not per contract.
This *is* a victory. You know that too. If you're not happy, may I just say that what you're feeling is not any different than all the various posts you see on the kitchens forum where people say "I'm done but it doesn't look the way I pictured." or "Its done but I don't feel satisfied.". There is an inherent feeling of a let-down when you get to the point that you have anticipated for ages and ages and ages.
I also think that you probably know that the Judge could not have ruled much differently. Afteral, to a third party who is only being shown the last stages of the project, he sees that you "accepted" the cabinets even though they were not as per contract. This is evident because you even had the counters installed and whatnot. Someone who's been through a construction project will know exactly why you accepted them at that stage - exhaustion and fatigue at having to fight yet another battle: its easier to accept and modify and try to make them work. I've accepted all kinds of somewhat bad installation jobs during our remodel with the agreement that they will shore it up in the next step (GC always promised that the next step will "of course" make up for the error I spotted but I can't even say that that agreement was adhered to in good faith) so that I wouldn't have to take a giant step backwards. There were only 2 instances where I had them actually uninstall and reinstall. There would have been two more if redoing wasn't a matter of calling back more than 1 contractor. But that's what it is. You (and I) accepted a certain product - that is evident. So the Judge can't give you something without you paying for it at all - even if it was just the cabs and the bare doors. So, basically, unless he decrees that your entire kitchen is going back to the four walls, I'm pretty sure he could not have decreed that you could keep the kitchen (including the cabinets) and not have paid the blighter anything.
So, all in all, I'll wager that you know all this but that it is a bit of a let-down and I bet you see-saw everyday. I know I do with our contractor. Actually I've let the blighter go - after we discovered another (I don't even know what number) MAJOR error where something was installed completely COUNTER to manufacturer instructions, we told the guy that we were done with him and that we were going to have to get someone else to fix the job. We also told him that we were not going to use his guys to repair the misinstalled and cracked floor but that we'd find our own. We told him to present us with a final bill, that we'd deduct the costs of the replacement guy and then pay him the balance. After 3 formal requests, still nothing. Strange. Anyhow, we're now going through our attorney to request a bill from him so that we can be rid of the specter of this guy from our lives. I'm hating even thinking about it because it angers me that we paid this guy not just for his contractors, but for HIS time too, for him to do nothing but cut his teeth on home remodeling projects. We paid with our money and with our house.
But, getting this guy out of our lives - even THAT much would be victory. May I congratulate you on having gotten that? :-)
Happy New Year, Sheri. Its a brand new day.
Mindstorm. Thank you. I'll tell you, I know you must remember that post where you really caused me to get it together and focus on my 'stuff' for court. Well, if it weren't for that post, I would probably be writing a check to dingle-fritz. I couldn't sleep two days before the trial. I was so sure I could win, but wasn't sure if I would win. I have to agree that since I had a 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th party help fix my cabinets, I probably did do as well as I could. I just don't understand why the judge didn't do something about him forging the contract. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.
The other day, I went to the courthouse to make a Motion to Release the Evidence and to Seal all copies of my reciepts, checks, etc. I have my account numbers, cc #'s on a couple of receipts, checks with DL#, SS# on them and account numbers. I did not know the judge would enter all of this into "permanent evidence" and gave him the originals because I thought it best to bring originals to court. Little did I realize, I didn't make a copy of everything...and it is a bunch!
The Judge sent us an Order to Show Cause today that basically states that CabFiascoGuy has 30 days to put into writing why I shouldn't get my receipts back (a copy will be put into the file) and why my receipts should not be sealed. If he doesn't respond, then I get to call the shots on our evidence and his (he didn't have anything the first day and the 2nd day was all bogus!) I want the drawings to be able to be viewed as well as if he has his drawings there. If CFG has any issues, we will have a hearing. So, we shall see what happens.
I've been able to get so much done this week. I'm feeling like I'm in control again. It's nice.
I have never posted to your before, mainly because I felt like it all hit too close to home for me.
I am very happy to hear things are moving in a positive direction for you. I hope I get there soon.
I hope it offers some comfort to know that you are certainly not the only one who has had to deal with these creepo businesses who keep getting away with shoddy workmanship and unprofessional conduct. It is digusting.
I am having major issues with my granite, but I don't think I could handle a lawsuit. You are a strong, brave woman and I commend you on fighting that ^&^%$% in court.
The evil side of me wishes them nothing but heartache and grief... but then my good side says "don't be like that"
In any event, I wanted to let you know that I really do empathize with you. With the frustration and anger. With dealing with the angry and frustrated husband as well. I swear to you that if my marriage survives this fiasco, for me, it will be a major miracle. I wish I just sold this house and moved.
I can't wait to see your finished kitchen. It looks like it will be outstanding.
Lisa and anyone else: this entire fiasco has taken it's toll on my health and marriage. I had so much on my plate when we moved here. I started putting on weight with the stress of building, then it is just horrible how I look now. I've put on no less than 60 lbs. SIXTY. I look horrible. I don't even recognize myself when I see a photo. My DH has put on the weight, too. I will say that not cooking many nights and end up ordering a "Number 1 with a diet coke" has really 'supersized' us. DH says, when the house is done, we'll worry about the weight. Well, I can't begin to tell you how equally disgusted I am at myself as I am with CFG. You know, when you gain like I did, it was though he could 'see' the stress and I feel pathetic that he knows he got to me. So, don't think I'm strong, etc. I'm not. I'm mouthy and sick at how people get away with taking advantage of hard working, honest people's good nature and good money. I think scammers need to do jail time. I really do.
As for being angry with your DH. I have to laugh. Either one of us could go from nice to nasty in about thirty seconds flat if the other had anything snide to say about the subs we each hired. We finally learned after my DH sat a night in jail (arguing about the cabinets and my 25 year old son called the police...afraid DH was going to do something) that we are just going to try to get past this. It's NOT been easy...but we do love each other. Once these doors are done, I'm sure that we'll be able to focus on ourselves. Right now, it's not a pretty picture not having cabinet doors. It's distressing to my psyche to 'see' stuff out. I can't stand it. I don't know how people handle 'see thru' doors on their cabinets. It drives me bonkers.
On the plus side, there's a new trust between my husband and myself. I can 'tell' and so can he. Also, he just got a major promotion at work, which has helped his attitude. I believe things are only going to get better.
Please, feel free to write any time. I understand. I've never been so ill or p.o'd in my entire life as I was with CFG. I could slap that lying grin off his face with two fingers. Why can't life be more like movies sometimes? =D
LOL - depends which movies you watch...Your story seems like it would make an interesting movie, with a happy hollywood ending of course.
Stay strong, you are on the right tack now!!!
Sheri - there are so many wise words in these posts and I hope you are taking some comfort in them. This was just an awful deal for you - costly far beyond the money involved. I really think the "universe" is a great equalizer - and CFG will have to make an even greater atonement somewhere down the line. Leave him to his fate. I too had a very long and drawn out law suit - my ending was much better and I won everything - but the emotional toll and the years lost being angry and upset can never be reclaimed. At the end of it, my wonderful older brother (only 57 years old) died after extensive brain surgery. The point being: we never know what the future holds for us, or how long we will be here to participate in "the future". I just knew that if it was my life that would end suddenly, I did not want to spend the last days of my life thinking about the law suit!! My brother loved the saying "life is uncertain....eat dessert first!" Don't let CFG scammer steal your dessert. I'm hoping you find some peace of mind soon. Eventually your kitchen will become the wonderful, beautiful heart-center of your home. Much love and luck to you, Kait
Sheri, I hope that you will not mind a few thoughts from someone who has never communicated with you prior to this.
Your pain, grief and torment are so evident and understandable. I would suspect that I am older than most of the people who post on this forum - and age does not necessarily provide wisdom though it might offer perspective. So here are some thoughts:
First, suppose you had won the suit in its entirety, you would still have had to collect and if CFG had protected himself legally against redress, you may never have collected any judgement from him. The very fact that he is doing business under a different name would suggest that he has drained his prior business of all of its funds. So it would have been a hollow victory. The very effort of collecting funds would have involved additional costs and a lot of stress and strain - and at the end of it all you may not have been able to collect any funds. So - yes, you did not have the satisfaction of a complete legal victory but then the victory may have been of little consequence other than a feeling of gratification that you were in the right.
Second, if the strains that all of this has caused on your family and particularly your relationship with your husband ends up creating ruptures and damage, you would not only have lost financially in this saga with the CFG but you would also have lost in terms of much more significant aspects of life.
Last - and this is a comment directed at both you and your husband - what often comes into play in many conflicts is the ego of the principals. In meaningful relationships, there is no issue of one party winning or losing and pride and standing on one's dignity should not come into play. The loss of money is painful - and being taken advantage of by someone unscrupulous - is immensely bothersome but the ultimate price that you could pay as a result of this sorry saga is for your family to be torn asunder.
I write all of this with some reluctance since I have never posted to you before. But I have been reading about your gut-wrenching pain and how it is impacting on you and your family and just felt a need to offer a few thoughts.
Whoa Sheri ... the judge returned documents (originals at that) to him that YOU brought??????? That does not make sense to me! Could anyone with legal know-how remark on that? I can understand that all docs presented would be part of the permanent record, but come on! don't the documents go back to whoever produced 'em?
ANoVaGuy...like your name! I wasn't as original with 'vasheri'. Thank you for your post. You're absolutely right: I could not have collected. What I wanted to do was to have the judgment so I could DING his credit. I could have filed the judgment with the state and his name, so when he went to get ANY loan, it would have shown up. I would have made sure it was on the credit bureau file. So, for the next twenty years, he could have had this hanging over his head. You know that wouldn't have looked good.
We're trying to get back on track, but until it warms up, these unfinished doors are in my face and his. He can't go two days without bringing them up. And of course, all else that's not done with the house. (Touch up painting, yard, etc.) If anyone reads the tree forum, we've had some nasty boring beetles attack about 15 trees that must come down. With construction, the roots were disturbed, covered, etc...and not knowing it attracted the borers and they're dead. Some of the trees are about 75 years old and beautiful maples. I'm sick about it. Anyway, an arborist/entomologist read my post and came out to identify the bad trees and collect specimens to make sure we aren't dealing with some excotic bug. Any-who...until the trees are down, we can't finish the landscaping. DH is controlling the purse strings and won't let me work on things I can until I do exactly what he wants me to do in the order that he wants me to do it. It's a horrible power struggle and I'm along for the ride. I hate it, too. I feel like I'm just having one person after the other shove me. It's all I can do to keep focused that I'm not sleeping with the enemy, if you know what I mean. And I'm not really. He's just a dictator at times. Thank you for your sensitive, wise post. I'll be 47 next week and know I must sound like some goofy 20 year old writing. ugh.
Mindstorm, the judge took my exhibits, receipts, checks, photos, contract, drawings, letters to everyone (lawyers, BBB, collection agency) and all return receipt proofs, etc. I also had my original contracts with other subs. He wanted to 'see these' for review. I had NO idea that he would keep my personal checks and the myriad receipts! I expected him to keep photos, contract, letters...just not my actual receipts. He had a written accounting with totals, but he wanted to actually "review" the original receipts and other contracts, which seemed logical and expected. I did not expect him to keep every single piece of paper he requested to see. He indicated that he would call me to come pick them up. He SAID that during the trial.
I did not have time to copy every receipt. There are too many. I have copies of the letters, of course, and contract, drawings and such. He even put my notebook in the file! The court clerk said that I could NOT get them back at all unless I put in a motion to return the exhibits, which I did. So, we shall see.
I'm getting a lot done around here and it shows just how much I'd not accomplished before now. Can you imagine moving in on Saturday, school starting on Monday, and receiving the lawsuit on Monday? On top of that, my mother's been in the hospital for three weeks, my DH's grandmother died in Wisconsin, and we've had the holidays. I had all receipts in boxes and did not think he would really push the lawsuit. AND I've had to work on finishing the house. Did I tell you that my septic system drain field is messed up, too? I finally got DH to make a decision last night to just redo it and enlarge the drain field. They're going to come tomorrow and start on it, then also put in another system for my two washers. It's tough to think 'gosh, this looks like crap' then to walk outside and it smell like crap! ugh. It WILL get done. It will. It will. =) I wish I had red slippers.
I believe I'll get my receipts back, for the most part...or copies, then seal everything else, not to be opened except by another judge.
Good Morning, Sheri, I'm glad to see you are able to take baby steps on all your projects and that you and dh are coming to a detente. I was thinking about your former profession as a hairdresser. You must have spent years being the sympathetic listener to people's stories and struggles. I'm guessing you also got to see them come out 'the other side' after their troubles.
Any decision on getting new doors or having them professionally stripped and painted instead of hand sanding them?
Thinking of you and hoping that today is a better day. These are very odd times; almost no one I know is content in any way. One of my best friends is embroiled in the most incredibly atrocious family saga and I writhe about it daily because she simply doesn't deserve to go through so much pain.
As facetious as this sounds, perhaps you could try going to the gym or working out in some other way when things become too much and the rage threatens to pull you down? Our bodies are an amazing resource, and are remarkably self regenerative. (I know, I used to weigh 50 lbs more, which is over 50% of my weight now.)
jrofleo's comment about you being a hairdresser is so lovely and true. You must have listened sympathetically to others for years-- extend the same kindness to yourself, and do something just for you today.
jrofleo: I'm a good listener and still have many former clients from another state that keep in touch. When you've been with a client through pregnancy, child birth, cut their children's hair for the first time, school photos, prom, wedding, divorce, remarriage...you learn a lot and know too much. You just listen and love them no matter what. It's almost a game when you're in the business, to hone and improve your people skills. I can handle difficult, picky clients. I "attract" them, because I am one myself. You've heard "like attracts like"? Well, that is true with hair dressers. I guarantee you that if you are a faithful client, then you're probably more like your hair dresser than you think. It's not like seeking a marriage partner where opposites attract. People are drawn to others they either want to be like, or are alike, because you can usually communicate.
Why am I talking about this? Oh...CabFiasCOGUY! I was so duped. He comes across SO NICE, knowledgable, and hard working. Looking back on it, I now see how he cunningly handled me. I 'see' his disorganization. Was I so busy with my own life that I could not discern being manipulated? It sickens me that I fell for him hook, line, and sinker. My people skills were totally turned off when it came to him. It is a real slap in the face to be duped.
As for purchasing new doors. It's too costly. Plus, the boxes may have to be repainted. Secondly, having the doors stripped by a third party is too costly. It will take me about a solid week to finish stripping them. The chemicals are so harsh. I need to wait until it warms up a bit more before I get into that. AFter they're stripped, it will take a few days to lightly sand. Then, prime and paint. I have a bid from a guy that does high end homes painting cabinets. UHHHHH Anyone have a spare $6,800? Before I do that, I'll buy new cabinets. By the way, NO PAINTER will strip these doors. The best I could get is for them to sand them lightly at a 20% upcharge. Pleassseeeeeee. There is too much work for them around here to be bothered with a case like mine.
As for working out. =D. Only in private. I wouldn't dream of heading to a gym in my condition. Too prideful. Can't help it. But you're right. I need to do something.
As for 'rage'. I wouldn't call it rage I feel. It's a nerve that will spike and fill your mouth with a "blechh" sound. Just thinking about CFG gets me motivated now. I feel like David. I want to SEE my enemy's demise. I don't have to 'do' anything. I just want to KNOW that his just comeuppance arrived.
Sheri, ... and then what? You put the screws to him, he writhes, wriggles, screams, maybe even bursts a vein. (Sounding okay so far? ;-) ). But now what? Are your problems over? Marriage intact? Health regained? Lost the excess weight? Doors done? House fixed? Or will you then start to get back to attending to your own life and your own responsibilities?
I had a former boss and that's just how I felt about him. Used to go for yoga and one day I was so enraged at the boss that I could not get into "the zone" and get a good stretch in, could not find my balance, etc. because I was furious and all i wanted to do was scream. So I gave in to my imaginings and imagined in the middle of the class doing - er, um, some of the above to the boss (what I imagined shall remain nameless). One minute. One minute is what it took. I let myself the sheer indulgence of torturing boss-man for one minute and it felt great. But after that, (a) I got in a great stretch and (b) over the next few weeks sat back and wrote my mission statement. I made a list of what *I* want to achieve in my career, what technical areas I wanted to focus on, and then proceeded to do it. None of those had *any*thing to do with the boss - it is all about my own goals. At that point in time, I still needed to deal with ze boss but you are now at the point where you can let CFG go and get back to attending to your life.
Delivering his comeuppance is not going to make your life any different. Seriously, I'm telling you ... the mind is an amazing instrument but it really does require to be disciplined. Let it fix on and solve your real problems and don't give CFG *that* much power over you. If you want to do something about penalizing CFG, make a real rational plan that you have the $$$ and the wherewithall and the legal footing to achieve. For the rest, let it go. Its sucking up bandwidth from what you do the rest of the day.
Good luck Sheri. If you're worried about not being warm enough - well, you could always come to Boston. ;-) Its a warm day today - mid 40s. Last night on the way out of the office, it was so blustery that I got blown into a tree as I was running out my office building! Not to mention the hail which came out of nowhere!
As usual, Mindstorm is right on. Now for the weather. Okay it's been a bit chilly (in the 60s) on and off, but it's absolutely perfect weather to be working outside on stripping the cabinets! It's gloriously sunny and tomorrow is forecast to be 68 degrees in JAX. And most importantly it's not the least bit humid. This weather couldn't be more perfect. You don't want to wait for the heat and humidity to begin (in a few months) to start working on stripping and painting the cabinets! Then you will say it's too hot and humid outside!
Mindstorm, I'm blown away at your wisdom! Not just with regard to Sheri...this applies to all of us! After a painful experience, there comes a time when you have to purposefully redirect your thoughts and energies so you can heal and make your life happier and more meaningful.
I'm in the process of recovering from a bad situation (a very stressful job, which I finally left after receiving lots of support and advice from this forum--thanks again, friends!). For a while, after I left, I would replay the situation over and over again in my mind, and every time I thought about it, I would start getting chewed up inside. Finally, I realized that I needed to discipline myself not to ruminate on the past. Now, I'm finally ready to start making plans for the future. I like your idea of writing a "Mission Statement" for your life. But even writing "to-do lists," and actually crossing off a few items, is a positive step.
Again, good luck, Sheri!
I have some advice from my DH who has been doing carpentry an furniture refinishing for 25+ years. Start with denatured alcohol. Not as caustic to wood as stripper.
Sue, Do it, go for it! Seriously. You have no idea (ok, bad literary style, maybe you do have an idea!) just now how cathartic and how empowering it is to write that Mission Statement. And how useful it is for years afterwards. I look at mine when I'm feeling bummed out or feeling lethargic or even when I feel that I'm just spinning. Talk about reconnecting with your life's goals or finding "North" ;-)
I will say that it is not easy to pin down what 1 or 2 things you really want to do in life and where you want to make an impact, so it did take much mulling and rewriting. But don't get discouraged - in fact, I found myself getting more and more into my writeup as I converged on the nugget.
Good luck. And I'm glad you kicked the unsatisfying job.
Mission statements are excellent tools. And you can not only write your own, but you can help develop one for other important people in your life, such as you and your spouse, your family, etc. The focus that provides is outstanding.
Another variation on the mission statement is a goals sheet. I admit it has been a long time since I did one. But dh and I agreed on some goals, I went online and downloaded pictures that corresponded to those goals (new floor, new car, vacation, savings, family, etc.) Dropped those pictures into a word document (sizing them appropriately). We hung the page up and then it just kind of became part of the daily decor. At the time, most of those goals seemed out of reach. Within a year, we had acheived almost all of the goals on the sheet.
I think you are all just great. This may sound silly, but I have been thinking about what I want to accomplish, by day, week, and month, six months, a year. I've been too busy to get past a few days, much less write down a plan.
I know writing mission statements work. I've had success doing this before. I believe in writing down goals, etc. You're more likely to succeed if you see the plan and execute your part when you want to flail. I thank you for reminding me of how to be successful. I've been spitting mad for so long, I've forgotten how to play the game to win.
librarymom, I've not tried denatured alcohol! Thank you for the tip. I'll let you know how it goes.
Thank you again ladies & gents. You're all the best.
I was going through old pages looking for a certain thread and I came across this one, the inspiration for writing mission statements struck me, I need to do this. I used to do it all the time and this last year, I'm struggling with a few issues I need help with and I also need clarification in what I want.
so vasheri, how are things going ?
hmmm...how are things going? What a loaded question. My doors are still not painted. Well, the MBR ones are almost done. I have these doors primed. I've now been in my house since 8/04/05, so just over a year. I have had boxes stacked to the ceiling in my children's study and our office. I couldn't stand another day of these boxes in my office with no furniture, so I finally got them out and they are now in my foyer. Shelves are up in the children's study and almost ready to go. I bought new office furniture and am a bit excited about getting it set up. All 30 or so boxes in the foyer are starting to dwindle down now. There are files and books that I have to go through. There is no way I can keep all of this, but I cannot just through these files out. They are from two businesses, four children, over 20 years in the military, college, and 9 years of home schooling, etc. Most of these boxes have been in storage for over 8 years.
My DR still has 8 doors almost finished for my MBR. It's too hot to paint here in Florida and way too humid, so I have my DR floor covered up so I paint inside. DH and I don't like it, but we don't have much choice.
I'm glad you wrote because I am going to do a weekly goal sheet. I love lists anyway! This is my goal that by next week the MBR doors will be done and installed. Hopefully, I'll start on the kitchen doors after that to finish fine sanding, priming, and then paint. It's overwhelming....I have no help to speak of either.
Add to all of this the fact that I do the high school band web site, news emails, and volunteer. And my mother has been sick, a close friend is dying of brain cancer, mother had surgery yesterday...and OH>>> an almost 21 year old and a 26 year old still living at home...along with my 13 & 14 year old kiddos. The 20 year old registered for college and left a note for Dad to pay. Then she took off for Virginia for a week with her brother and did not tell us until she was packing. Dad refused to pay the college bill and she's already missed her first classes this week. She has medical issues herself and will have no medical insurance if she is not enrolled full time in college after November. She doesn't care. Darling Hubby is fed up. I'm fed up. My kiddos are slap spoiled rotten and it's all my doing.
The 26 year old made the President's list in college this last term and wouldn't even share his grades. He's been belligerent and distant since he came home from Iraq. They pay no rent and seem irritated and angry at me if I don't do more for them.
Seeing no cabinet doors still makes me feel like a huge failure in all areas of my life. I'm irritated and overweight. I honestly do so much for everyone and it's not enough.
How do I stop?
I need help even writing a new mission statement. I think it should start with: Help my man-child and woman-child pack their bags and take away their house keys.
You know what? I just smiled for the first time in a week! I might be on to something! :D You know, I haven't said much here because I haven't had much good to say. I'm really going to try to focus on getting the doors done as soon as I wade through these boxes. I kid you not, I'm thinking of just burning these files. I've already ruined a shredder. I hate paperwork. The only 'good' thing is they're all organized.
I'll keep you posted.
vasheri, you know you can hire a company to come and shred all your paper work. That would take one burden off you. You can just sort the stuff and when you are finished they come and either shred it on site or take it away.
This is my humble opinion, but I believe that your children have something to be angry about, it has been a horrible year for you, and your children feel that the the very core of their being. They cannot help but be profoundly affected by what profoundly affects you. You're angry, so they are too. They still need you and love you very much. Spend time with your adult children. They have a lot on their minds, especially your hero-son. If you ever need a reason to be thankful, just look at him. Any soldier's return home is nothing short of a miracle.
When any of my children start acting out of irrational anger, disrespectfully, or in ways intended to hurt me personally, I look them straight in the eye with a firm gaze and...
try to picture them as a baby as I'm looking intently at them.
Why? Because it brings me right to loving them unconditionally, just like I did when they were babies. It doesn't make me mushy (well, most of the time), but it does help me treat them with the respect and kindness that they deserve. It slows down my reaction to whatever problem pushed us to the brink. My children are far better people than I usually perceive them to be. What degrades my perspective is usually what I have going on in my own head. Now their bad actions and decisions certainly don't enhance my view of them, but recalling them as tender infants helps me not only remain objective (when I am tempted to act harshly), but to see my children, or should I say to try to grasp the view that God has of my precious children. When things get rough, I TELL MYSELF that it is a privilage to raise my child. I know you know these things, Sheri. Don't let your children move away on anything less than wonderful terms. Just my worthless two cents. God be with your precious family. I think of you often as I look at my unfinished kitchen that is still needs work two and a half years later.
And by the way, I'm so sorry about your Mom. Is it RA?
Sheri, I wish I had more words of wisdom, but I can offer a virtual (((hug))). Go easy on yourself! You have had a LOT on your plate.
I'm getting close to being done.
Here is a link that might be useful: CabFiascoGuy I
do you mean that your cabinets are redone ?
Yes, for the third time. The last hold up is because we did not know until I started installing the drawer fronts that one of the guys that re-ordered some drawer fronts for me mis-measured them and they are too short. So, I need a few new fronts now. I am going to try to re-order them today and finish them like my other doors. I just have to pull out the old receipts so I know where to order them from. I hope the Judge doesn't still have these receipts. Now that I'm thinking about it, I know I did not go back to the courthouse to get my documents! I tried before after the ruling came down and they wouldn't let me have my 'stuff'. I need my receipts for IRS and when I go to sell this house to prove the cost basis for my home since we paid cash and did not get a loan. I did not realize that anything that I submitted to the Judge during the trial as evidence apparently became property of the courts. I had to file a motion to get my 'stuff' released and had to wait for CabFiascoGuy to agree to let MY checks, records, photos, etc. be released. CFG never responded and the Judge sent me a letter saying that I could come copy everything and have the files sealed because account numbers and private information are in the court records.
Need to do this as soon as I can now! Like I have loads of spare time to go down to the courthouse to make copies of a hundred pages! Sheesh!
You might as well bite the bullet and get the copies; it's a step in the right direction.
good luck in all of this !!!