How long did it take you to leave your ex?
I would like to hear some experiences that others have had regarding getting separated and then divorced. NO! I'm not getting divorced! But I have a friend who's thinking about it. I thought he had his mind made up (he was looking at an apartment to rent), then his wife did a 180 and now wants to try to work things out. I've always had the opinion that a relationship is like sour milk--you can't take the milk out of the fridge, smell it, realize it's sour, and put it back into the fridge thinking it will get better. I think that once the "damage is done" that there is usually no hope for the marriage. What do you folks think? How did it turn out for you?
Did you have a big fight and one of you just walked out and never returned? Did it simmer for years? Did you make up your mind to leave but take a while to think about it and talk it over with friends? Did you get your own place but get talked into going back? Did you stick around long after you should have out of guilt or low self-esteem? Did you stay "for the sake of the children"? Did you go to counseling? And if so, did it help?
I'm particularly interested in hearing from those of you who had a pre-nup. How did that affect your marriage? Did it create a financial rift right from the start? Did the pre-nup have an expiration date?
So far this friend has just been talking to my husband about this. I'm a little sketchy on the details, but it sounds like they fight a lot and always have. There are financial issues stemming from the pre-nup, and other stories he's told don't give me a good feeling that they can work it out. It sounds to me like she's become a psycho you-know-what from you-know-where. She's said hurtful things to him that nobody should ever say to a spouse. The only kid involved is her 19-year-old daughter from a previous marriage, who lives with them with her own young daughter. I don't think that's helping the marriage at all, as mother and daughter scream at each other all the time, and the youngster is starting to scream at her mom too.
He's a real sweet guy, has a good job, and deserves to be treated right. (I've never met his wife.) I hate to see him go thru what I did: decide to leave, sleep in my car for a week, get my own place for a month, get talked into going back, stay and argue for another two years, then finally see a lawyer, file for divorce, and move out. I can't even remember how many years of anguish I suffered through all together, some of them before we were even married.
I realize that each situation is different, but I also think that there are underlying similarities. Did most of you do what I did? Or did you make a clean break? I have only my own experience to share with this guy (DH has never been divorced), but something is keeping me from saying that he should leave and never look back, like I should have done. What do you guys think? Should I tell him to get out now while he still has some dignity (and money)? Or should he give it yet another chance?
Thanks for reading all this!