Sad to say, 'I'am new to this site'.

Karen_NCDecember 2, 2004

I am new to this site. I lost my husband August 7, just 1 day after our 30th Anniversary. It will soon be 4 months and I can still hardly beleive it. He was diagnosed with lung cancer just 21/2 weeks before he died. What a shock. The hard part is just being alone. I can be with family and friends, but still feel like I am all by myself. Then when I make it through a day, its going to bed alone that's harder yet. I am sure there are lots of people out there that have spent many, many years with someone, but its something else when its YOU. Well, if anyone would like to response to my message, I would like to hear from you.

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Karen, glad you finally joined us, but not glad that Don died. everyone,this is my sister. and I think she is doing real good considering! I know she will be a great asset to this forum, she has a way with words!!! DianePA

    Bookmark   December 2, 2004 at 11:37PM
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Karen, I'm so sorry about your loss. Thanks for introducing your sister, Diane.

    Bookmark   December 2, 2004 at 11:52PM
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Diane has been after me several times to get on here, but tonight I have been feeling really lonely and miss Don so very much. Thought maybe I would give it a try. Yes, Diane is my sister and I am blessed to have her. It going to be hard to get through the holidays this year. Everyone says the "firsts" of everything is hard. Don would have celebrated his birthday on Nov 7, same day as his death, only 3 months earlier. That was a hard, hard day. Thank you for your kind works.

    Bookmark   December 2, 2004 at 11:58PM
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband. I lost my father (it will be 2 years on the 28th of this month). When I read your post, I thought of my Mom and how she (like you) have to deal with the loss of a best friend / partner. It's so hard. I've watched my Mom over these past 2 years and it hurts so much! It never gets "easy", you just get 'used' to dealing with the grief. Your husband is with you. He always will be. I wish you peace and love as you get through this holiday season, and all the other "firsts".

    Bookmark   December 3, 2004 at 7:46AM
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Nell Jean

Karen, I'm so sorry for your loss; I can't imagine how you must feel. You had such a short time to deal with the illness before he was gone, so you have that to reconcile as well as your loss. How wonderful that you have a supportive sister and your children to give you purpose through the Holidays, hard as it is to get past this season with a fresh grief.

I had a friend who decided after her husband died to do volunteer work. She chose Friday evenings as her volunteer time because that was a time that she keenly missed him. It's cold comfort to substitute a new activity, but sometimes will give us a little boost. Know that he is near, as Stef said.


    Bookmark   December 3, 2004 at 8:18AM
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Thank you, New Friends. It is comforting to know there is someone else out there that shares my pain. I come from a big family, as some of you may know through my sister, DianePa, I never dreamed it would be my spouse that would be the first to go. With Diane's husband so sick, my Don and I would talk about death and how it affects us. He lost his first wife Dec. 26, 1973, so he knew the pain that went along with it. He was here for me when my Mother, my neice, Michelle, and then my Dad, then our baby grandson, who was 4 days old died. He helped me cope with all of that......but how do I cope without Him? I am trying to be strong, and be happy, and sometimes I pull it off, but most of the time alone is hard to get through. Diane has gotten me interested in doing some crafts and so I have been pouring myself into that. I made most of my Christmas gifts for all my children (8 of them) and spouses, plus 17 of my grandchildren. It has given me great pleasure working on those. I have been after Diane to send me patterns of things I could make. I now live with my daughter, son-in-law, and 2 grandaughters (15 & 12). My son-in-law wants to buy some tools to do woodworking with. It will be good to have someone in NC here to do things with. I just returned from Pa helping my brother and wife as she recovered from ovarian cancer treatments and surgery. She is doing wonderful and my brother is very blessed to have her still with him. My point is:: when I was there, my brothers and sister Diane gave me patterns and helped me cut the wood out and helped me learn about some of the woodworking tools. I had a wonderful time and hated to come home to no one who would be able to help me with those things.....God knew exactly what I needed when my SIL said he was going to buy some tools and start doing some wood projects!!! Well, Praise the Lord!! Now I have someone to work with. Diane, get those patterns out to me!!!Thank all of you for listening and I wish the best for all of you.

God Bless

    Bookmark   December 3, 2004 at 4:08PM
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Karen, I had responded to your post a few days ago and I'm just now seeing that I must have not sent it. I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband. I have a few friends who have lost their husbands. Some of them have large families, but still feel so alone. You are so blessed to have your sister, Diane, and the rest of the family.I'm sure that you are well aware of this.
All I can tell you is to keep trying to take one day at a time and try to plan ahead so that you can have your days filled with activities with or without friends.
Maybe you can try to remember the comforting things that Don said to you as you were grieving over other deaths. Those words will be comfort to you all over again.

    Bookmark   December 7, 2004 at 7:52PM
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Dear Lu: Thank you for your kind words. Yes, Diane has been a real blessing to me. She is younger than me and loves to do crafts. She has been after me for years to get into crafting, but up until now, didn't seem interested. Now, I have nothing but time on my hands. It was 4 months ago tonight at 7:00 that my Don passed away. Sad day for me. I have talked to several people that keep telling me that the "first's" of everything is hard, but I just cannot imagine Christmas and New Years with out my Don. I hope I will be able to get throught those days. Keep me in your prayers. Thanks again for your kindness.

Karen NC

    Bookmark   December 7, 2004 at 8:43PM
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Karen, I am so very sorry for your loss. How devastating this must be to you and to have such a short time to deal with this must add to your anguish. We would love to hear more about your loving husband and what he was like. Tell us more about him.
I am sure this holiday season will be very painful for you. It sounds as though you have close family to help you in your darkest hours. Reach out to them and let them comfort you - but also recognize that you will need time alone as well. I am so glad you are here....share with the caring people in this forum what you are going through. You will find you are among friends who wish to reach out to you.

My deepest sympathies for your loss.


    Bookmark   December 7, 2004 at 8:55PM
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yes Karen, it will be hard, but I know you have a strong faith in God, and He will help you get through these firsts!!! I love ya and here for ya!!!! DianePA

    Bookmark   December 7, 2004 at 10:28PM
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Dear Deb and Sis, Diane: Thanks for your notes. Anthing I say will not be new to Diane, as she knew Don very well, as her brother-in-law. But Don was a very complicated man. He had some issues that dated back to when he was a little boy. There were 9 kids in his family. He used to tell me about eating in the pantry alone while his family all ate at the table. I truely beleive he was abused as a child, but would never talk about it. When I married Don in 1974, I had 2 girls from a previous marriage. Don had 3 adopted children of his first wife's. Then the 2 of them had 2 boys. So when we married, we had 7 children to start off married life with. Then 1 1/2 years after we were married we had a little girl of our own. So here we were with 8 children and trying to make it all work together. We certainly had some rough times. But in July of 97. Don accepted the Lord as his Saviour and we went to church regularly after that and things weren't too bad then. But the last 2 years of Dons life, he changed so much. I sometimes wonder if he didn't know his life was going to be cut short. His attitude changed and he seemed to be very happy with where we were living and the friends he had made. Seemed like he had made peace with himself and it showed. I guess those are the happiest times that I can remember he and I having. 30 years is a long time to spend with another person. He and I were like "joined at the hip" so to speak. We were seldom without each other. So it stands to reason why I feel like half of me is gone and the other half has a great big hole in my heart! Keep thinking of me. Diane, thanks for your words of encouragement and support. I thank God that you are my sister! Thanks Deb for your kindness too. Hope to hear again from you soon. God bless.


    Bookmark   December 7, 2004 at 10:46PM
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