I am too young to lose my daddy!

rachel_hDecember 5, 2006

On August 4t, 2006 i lost my dad suddenly in a hit and run drunk driver accident. He was crossin teh street to go back to this club that he was with my uncle and aunt who was visiting. He was killed on the spot.

We were living in Trinidad and Tobago at the time for my dad's work. At the time it happened my mom was on the other side of the islang with her friends. Me my brother and my 2 cousins were are our house at the time and we were told by my two aunts and uncle.

Ever since then time has gone by so quickly. We moved back to Virginia and my life has been totally moved around. I can't stop thinking everyday about if my mom will remarry,I will ever be able to call someone dad/daddy, there is no man to beat up on my boyfriends and no one to walk me down the wedding aisle. i want to know if it will ever get better or will my life ever be the same? How do you grieve in a healthy way if you down want to talk to your mom?

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socks

I'm so sorry you lost your father. I don't know how old you are, but losing a parent is never easy, even for people who are grown up.

I can tell you are a wise person. You are right to understand that you are still grieving, and will be for quite some time. It's a process that cannot be hurried. You are also right about the importance of talking about your Dad. Are your aunt and uncle around to talk to? How about a brother or sister, a friend? Schools usually have counselors who students can talk to. You'd have to ask your teacher about this.

Your life will get better. Don't worry about whether your mom will remarry or not. Only time will tell, and it's too soon now.

And be careful to choose good boyfriends so you don't have to worry about anyone defending you...ok?

Take care, and if you want to tell us more about your father here, it's a good place to share.

    Bookmark   December 6, 2006 at 7:24PM
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susanjf_gw

i'm 60, and lost my dad in 1977. i miss him everyday.

the best way to keeping going is school. don't worry about dating just yet. i'm sure your dad would want you to take of yourself first, and in this day and age that's with a good education.

as socks says...don't worry about mom. just let her know your're feeling a bit lost right now. and hey! never underestimate a mom's ability to take on any errant boyfriends! lol...(((hugs)))

    Bookmark   December 6, 2006 at 10:14PM
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peacewalker

Rachel,

Your Dad seems to have left you some magnificent legacies -- knowledge of the world and the various wonderful peoples in it, your larger family, the love he felt for you and your Mom, and I must suspect that some of the wisdom I read in your message comes from him.

Time. Over time these things will happen:

You will hear more stories about your Dad, and you will remember more details of the stories that you have already heard.

You will begin to see just how much your Dad has left you -- qualities that you will recognize in yourself that come from him (curiosity about the world, a sense of adventure, appreciation of family) and things like that. Many more like that I could not possibly figure out from the few paragraphs that you have written, you will need to look for them.

One day you will look in the mirror, smile a great big smile at yourself because you will see that your Dad is still alive in many ways, within you!

And - if you have a spiritual nature, you can also know that when you speak to him now, he hears you always. His love is there, a part of you, always.

You may never call anyone "Daddy" again -- you may find that you do not want to call any one else "Daddy", but your Dad will be a presence in your life for the rest of your life. (And, there will certainly be father-figures, mentors, perhaps someone in your Mom's life, perhaps a coach or professor or someone from whom you will get an experienced voice and perspective.)

Having just lost my Mom, though, I know how hard it is not to have his physical presence there. Perhaps, though, these ideas can offer you some small comfort.

Remember always that YOU know your Dad is proud of you, loves you, and wants the best for you and your happiness. Listen to that voice inside you -- you might find that it sounds an awful lot like him!

:)

    Bookmark   December 13, 2006 at 3:44PM
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