I hate everybody!!!

auntyaraDecember 13, 2009

I feel so sick and angry!

It's been over a year and I can't heal. Hearings are every 10 days now , and I can't stand it!!!!

I have to be in the same room as the piece of $#!T that killed my boy!!!! and he's chewing gum!!!

I know I have to go to show Brian isn't just a name on a piece of paper. Brian is a boy with a family who misses him with all their hearts, It's soooo hard, I wish I was dead!!!

I'm trying so hard everyday not to go crazy, I'm losing!!!

WHY BRIAN????? He was such a good kid. He was only 18. Killed by a drunk driver! I told him I Love you every day!!!

Every DAY!!! WHY??!!! WHY???!!! I'm Dying . Brian had such hopes and dreams and He's gone. My Brian is gone.

I still can't believe it!!!!

His birthday is 12/23 He would have been turning 20. OMG!!!

Soon his little brother and sister will pass him. I HATE this!!!

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I am so sorry for your loss and the fact that you have to go through this agony on a daily bases. I too just recently lost my daughter on Nov 15th, 2009. She would have turned 22 on Nov 30th. I did not lose her to a drunk driver but to the hands of doctors and nurses who ignored her and let her lay there and die instead of doing there jobs. I know how much you hurt and the unbearable pain in which you endure. I am sorry for that. I am a good listener so if you ever want to vent and talk I am here. Huggs to you! Teresa

    Bookmark   December 13, 2009 at 11:56PM
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I, too, am so sorry you're going thru all this pain and ESPECIALLY having to deal with court. That can't be easy. Nothing anyone can say right now can take this pain and anger away from you. And you have a right to be angry. Just make sure you deal with your anger constructively. Being angry is healthier than becoming depressed. And anger will do that if you don't let it out. Take it from one who knows.

I don't mean to sound preachy, but it always helps to talk with a professional about things like this. A therapist. Support groups. Check your local hospitals. They usually have grief counseling groups. Some churches do, as well, if you're of the spiritual nature.

I have different issues than yours but death is death and it makes us angry -- whether it came from the hands of someone else or due to the deceased's own doings. But my heart goes out to you. Just keep talking about it.

Also, maybe contact MADD (mothers against drunk driving). I'm sure they have a multitude of resources for someone in your situation. Support groups. Ways to make the courts work FOR you. I don't know, but just guessing. Can't hurt to check it out.

On the less emotional side of things, have you spoken with your DA about your case? Keep involved. It makes them work harder for you. Make sure they know if they don't work for the hardest sentence that you'll take your story to the media and make them look bad.

Sorry there's nothing I can say to take away your pain. Life sucks sometimes. You don't want to hear "he's in a better place" or "it's God's plan." You're mad and have every right to be. Just don't let it take over your life, sweetie. You don't want to make yourself sick from negative energy. I'm sure you have a family who needs you, who's going thru the same emotions. You don't want what this person did to end up hurting you TOO (health-wise). You don't want to give them that power.

My deepest sympathys,
Bonnie aka brit5467

    Bookmark   December 14, 2009 at 1:28AM
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Me again (Bonnie).........

Just wondering why it's taking so long? Over a YEAR?? What's he/she doing....getting continuances????

(email me so I know you responded. click on "MY PAGE" and use email link.)

    Bookmark   December 14, 2009 at 3:15AM
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Hate is so destructive emotion. Only YOU can change it. It eats away until you are so very sick. Sad to say, only YOU can start out by asking forgiveness. Like one poster stated, these hate feelings are not hurting anyone but you. You should find a suport group, therpy, any thing to turn it around and yes you will always miss him but are you destroying the rest of your family, or you, or ?? I am sure they are hurting too, only in different ways.
Start out think of the happiness he brought into your life and others. One day/hour at a time.
Prayers are with you.

    Bookmark   December 15, 2009 at 2:39PM
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I'm so sorry.

Since the DA's office deals with similar situations all the time, can you ask them to refer you to a helpful group?

    Bookmark   December 15, 2009 at 4:26PM
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I know you are all right about my anger. I'm very sorry for exploding they way I did. I had a mental melt down and I must learn to control myself.
I'm hoping after justice is served I will truly begin to heal.
It's just such a stab in my heart to have to see my son's murderer sitting in the same room, as he chews gum like he doesn't even care. It just makes me so sick.
I'm trying to get my head on straight and just as I start to feel like me again we have to go to another hearing and It's just horrible.
The DA is a very nice man and I will ask him this coming monday about contacting someone who might be able to help me through this.

thank you all for responding to my crazy melt down. I'm doing much better knowing others care

    Bookmark   December 16, 2009 at 2:26PM
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I don't think you should apologize for your rage;
you are by G0d entitled to it, it belongs to you, & it's better expressed than bottled up.

Silence protects the guilty.;
not only is your rage your personal entitlement, but it's something of a public service.

We all need to know what happens to us, to "them", to everybody, when an innocent person is damaged or killed by someone, especially someone who shouldn't have been out of his own home at the time.

holding you in my thoughts & i my heart, & waving my cheerleading pom-poms for your healthy, articulate, brilliantly-illuminated rage.

Shine that light on the guilty.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2009 at 3:39PM
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Chemocurl zn5b/6a Indiana

Hi auntyara,

I'm so sorry for your loss and what this trial is putting you through.
Is there a MADD group locally that you might talk to or help you through all this?

Feel free to email me, or even call me to talk. I'd be glad to listen. You have every right to be enraged and meltdowns are to be expected.

I'll be thinking of you and remembering you and your loved ones in my prayers.


    Bookmark   December 18, 2009 at 6:59AM
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I lost my nephew to a drunk driver on July 1, 2006. He was 20 years old. My sister and her husband, went thru the same thing. Going to court, having it postponed etc. So, after almost 2 years of this, what did the 20 year old driver get that killed Ty? One week in jail, $1000.00 fine and some community service work. Nice yea? 7 days for a life.
This happened in Canada, I hope where ever you live, the court system is better and justice is served for your son.

    Bookmark   December 18, 2009 at 11:45PM
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