Loss of Both Parents

quintus114December 19, 2007

Hello everyone, I was reading some entries by other people and thought I would share my story with everyone. It does help to talk to people while trying to understand what it is you are feeling.

I lost my father two years ago, he was under the influence of alcohol and fell down a flight of stairs...he was a healthy man, 53 and died within a week of falling due to head trauma. It took me about a half a year for the feelings really to start showing through. I was attending graduate school at the time and went back to school thinking I could take my mind off of it. In the mean time my mother was bipolar and had an apparent prescription drug addiction that got worse after my father died. It was like I lost two parents at one time. My mother, 52 died soon after of an overdose from prescriptions (about 7 months later). Thankfully my neighbor found her in the kitchen of my house because I already have the site of my father's passing in my head which was in a more humane setting. My mother was down for 5 days and was apparently emaciated. I then found myself in my early 20's taking on the responsibility of my parent's estate. I have an older sister who I was not very open with. We had some rough times with my mom being bipolar, etc. and because a year earlier she took a credit card out in my name. We are becoming closer now since everything that happened. I have been finding that I constantly worry about other things in my life (especially my relationship) other than thinking about what really is making me sad, my parentÂs loss. I am very grateful for my girl friend and all of my friends, whom have lent their support, but what I really need to do is just let myself be sad and it most likely will be for a while. We sold my parents house a couple months ago and I graduated school. However, now that my mind is off of other things I find myself thinking about my parents more, which I believe is what I need to let myself do. Someone else mentioned that the pain will always be there in some form, but gets softer and quieter, so true. I also like Doc's idea of seeing the person in a positive manner, not in a negative way. I am happy to be alive and believe that these tragedies have made me a better individual, though I may not understand why at this moment.

My prayers go out to all of you.

Thank you to who ever is reading this and hope you have a good holiday.

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Quint, I'm sorry about your folks. That is a terrible blow for anyone to go through, but at your age....I can't imagine it. You are doing the right thing reconciling with your sister. Siblings can be a real pain, I know....and my sisters would for sure say the same about me. But hang on to who you have....no one is guaranteed anything...not even tomorrow. I know how much losing a parent hurts. But to lose both in such a short time is tough, and I think you are doing very well ..graduating from school...handling their affairs...apparently they did a great job of raising you and you should be very proud of yourself. You carry them both with you in your heart everyday. Feel sad when you have to ....I know I do....but try not to let it consume you....I feel like it is so easy to succumb to the grief..but live your life...each day..take it one step at a time and know your mom and dad would want you to be happy.

Take care,


    Bookmark   December 21, 2007 at 9:50AM
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Hello Quint,
I just wanted to let you know that I did read your post. I lost my Dad in July after a 7 month long fight with leukemia. I am having a tremendously difficult time...I know what you mean when you say you have the vision of him in your head.

While I don't have any real wisdom to offer I can share with you something about the grieving process. You must do it. I am ateacher so I didn't have much of a "break" to grieve before I was at work and I thought that would be good but it wasn't. I needed to have that time to break down and purge my broken heart of tears.

During this break down, I wrote my Dad out a Christmas card. I told him all about how sorry I am for what he went through and other heartfelt things. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I have spent every Christmas Eve for 42 years with my Dad and I will this year as well. I'm going to take his card, silk poinsettias and some candles and hike to the mountain where his ashes are spread. I will light some candles, read my card, sing some of our favorite Christmas songs and just be. I will probably cry and yell and scream about life being unfair but I already feel better having written the card.
Hope this helps...I know for me just knowing that others appreciate my pain helps.

Take care,


    Bookmark   December 23, 2007 at 8:11PM
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I'm so sorry about the loss of both of your parents. You seem to have a wonderful, and healthy outlook on life, though. I think that our choices of how we will deal with a loss has a lot to do with our recovery. We can choose to live a life of sadness and/or guilt or we can choose to live out our lives as best we can and try to focus on the good aspects of our loved ones lives and our relationship with them.

    Bookmark   December 30, 2007 at 11:20PM
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It was a hard holiday week - I like your thoughts on choosing to live our lives as best we can - I have had many moments of feeling sick about not being closer with my Mom - she was only four blocks away - and it seemed I was always busy with my family - we did things - but I wish I had done more - My Dad is still alive and they were together and I always thought we had many years to come - and now that she is gone and I wish she was here - I am finding lots of time every day to spend just thinking about her and missing her. We can only go forward... and live our best lives for ourselves and others - knowing we will see our loved one again in heaven. I had a vision when my Mom died - she lifted her head and smiled and waved. I believe to tell me she was okay - The Priest who did my Mom's service asked me to read "90 Minutes in Heaven" and it did give me comfort that my Mom is okay. We must do our best going forward - learn from our mistakes.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2008 at 1:51PM
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