Impatience with Dad after losing Mom, help!
I am new to this forum, and am really grateful to have found you wonderful people because you seem to be going through some of the same things I am. I need any advice you might have.
My Mom died unexpectedly October 24th; she was 79. We were incredibly close, and her loss has been a devistating blow. I was on route there when we lost her, and spent two weeks with my Dad arranging everything for the funeral and supporting my Dad (76). I came back home, tried to get back to work on my dissertation (Graduate student) but got sick. Then I hosted Dad for a week here over Thanksgiving. After he left I continued to be sick and have only just been feeling better over the last day or two.
My problem? Dad calls every day, (my fault, we live in different states, and I did tell him to call if and whenever he needed). I am an older student who has come back to school (39). I have not "reported" to my parents on my life in years. I know that all Dad needs is someone to talk to, and there are days that is fine. But sometimes, increasingly I keep getting resentful, -- I just want to be left alone to greive in my own way. And I want my life private again. I need space so that I can find my own rhythm again and eventually get back to work. I havent even engaged with anybody in my circle here either. While I was sick, I kept having to tell him "no, I'm not better" which made me feel that I wasnt getting well fast enough. Now that I am a little better, it's conversation what I do each day. (Part of my guilt, I havent gotten back to working on my stuff yet.) So, talking to him just makes me feel worse about that too. I have tried explaining this to him, but he still calls.
I want to be supportive to my Dad, but I also want to do what I need for myself. I am stuck. Dad also needs to engage more with his community of people. And it hurts to think how lonely he is -- I know. I am an only child, and the only relatives Dad has are an older Sister also in another state.
I turn to you because all of you seem to be going through similar things. Bless you for taking the time for me...(and my Dad). Help! How do I do the right thing for us both?