Waiting for the inevitable
I feel like a bit of a mess today. My mom has been seriously ill for sometime, and each time I was told she would die, she somehow pulled a rabbit out of her hat and survived. She actually graduated out of hospice last March.
She got a cold/ pneumonia a few weeks ago and hospice was brought back into the picture. I didn't think she'd recover, but she shook it and her lungs are clear; however, I received a call from hospice last night because she is in decline and they think it's a UTI. They keep telling me that she is going to be fine, but I know it won't be this time. I think her kidney's are probably shutting down. I spent the night at her care home and I slept on the floor next to her in a sleeping bag. She is terribly, terribly thin. I could literally see the bones, ligaments and capillaries in her hands through her transparent skin.
It was her birthday two days ago and my late dad's is today. He died at Christmas six years ago and it appears she is going to do the same. Last December they told me she'd be gone by Christmas. I guess there's nothing to say and I'm just very sad. I look forward to loving the holidays again. Maybe next year.