so lost without my dear husband
I am sitting here on christmas eve day lost. I lost my once in a life time love on Dec 15, 2009. It was his 41st birthday. we had only found out 2 weeks before that of his diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. Even the dr's were in disbelief how fast it went.
I am still trying to absorb the word 'cancer' and yet it has been 10 days since I lost him. We were together for 10 years and we loved hard. We had so many friends and family tell us we were an inspiration and we acted as newly weds always. He was my true soul mate and we were sooo happy.
I do have 2 beautiful girls 15 and 7 to go on for. I will go on for them, but inside I am empty. Feelings of never wanting to leave the house, never being able to truly laugh or have fun again. I will never be the same, the gaping hole in my heart will never heal, it may scab over, but the scab will be ripped off time and time again.
I have spent time ready through many of the posts. I do not feel as alone, which I did through all of this. so many of the feelings are exactly what I am feeling or thinking. But yet, I still feel alone. No matter how many wonderful family and friends a person has, at the end of the day, I still go to bed alone, longing for my amazing husband to hold me and reassure me it will be ok, as he always did.