I still miss you, Daddy

gypsyeyzDecember 15, 2009

It was 13 years ago today. I wandered aimlessly around the store, trying to think of your Christmas gift. I came home with nothing. When the call came of your passing, I knew why. I was thinking of you the moment you left this earth. I miss you every holiday, every birthday. I still can hear you telling me "There's no such thing as too much garlic" as we fussed over the holiday roast. I want you to know, Dad, than I "clean as I go" while I cook, now. I'm still a messy cook, but I still hear you telling me to clean as I go. I still see your scrunched up smile, delighting in whatever bite you took, every hug you gave, and every kiss you stole. I still miss you so much, Daddy. I hope we really are united on "the other side" someday. I love you.

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For me it was almost 4 years ago for my daddy, and only January of this year for my mom.
I'm really depressed right now.
My dad used to be a cook on a ship on lake Michigan when he was in his early 20's. That's where he learned to cook. It's so funny you clean up as you go when you cook, cause he did, too.
Dad's specialties were turkey stuffing and the best damn sweet rolls ever!! He made sticky buns, sweet rolls with butter, sugar and orange peel inside and then the best orange icing on top!! Maple, nut, plain.....man.
This holiday season this year is especially hard....we always had Christmas at mom and dad's house, til they got too old and we'd host it. The smells....dad always wanted sweet pickles on the table? Have no idea why.
LAst year this time mom was in a nursing home. She went downhill so quickly. I am having an awful time. I just turned 50 on Monday the 14th. Didn't enjoy, even though with family.
Well, I'll get through, but my kids are worried. They have no idea how hard this is for me.
So, Gypsy, I get it...I do. It's nice to share w/someone who feels the same. And won't judge or criticize me and tell me to "get over it".

    Bookmark   December 16, 2009 at 8:21AM
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I'm too teared up to write just now. I lost my dad in 2000 and now my mom's going in for surgery on Friday at age 83 and I'm terrified of losing her. I'm 53 now, but I still feel like lost little kid. I'm an only child.

After reading your post about the 'sweet pickles'.....oh, it just brought back memories. The last year my Dad was alive, I had Xmas dinner at my house. When I asked him did he want anything special (he loved Smithfield ham, thinly sliced) he reponded with, "Yeah!! I want that celery with cream cheese, green olives, and those little SWEET GHERKINS."

Although that was always a 'staple' on my mom's holiday table, it seemed that meant the most to him. Funny how we remember the little things.

Thanks for the memories, Kenwah.

Bonnie aka brit5467

    Bookmark   December 16, 2009 at 10:04AM
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