Is There a Nice Way to Handle This?
I forgot we had a Grieving Forum here and I posted this at the KT yesterday. Now that I think about it, it would have probably been better to have posted here.
A little background...
My best friend works at an Assisted Living facility and is really close to one of her co-workers...a girl young enough to be her daughter. The friend was expecting and the due date was Dec.8th. He was stillborn on Nov.4th. I kinda/sorta know the girl through my friend. Because I have BEEN where this girl is and because I have one...my friend and I went in together and got her a Mizpah coin. Her baby is buried with half of it and she wears the other half on a chain around her neck. We also made her a Memorial Glass Block Light and took to her.
The girl is on Maternity Leave until sometime in Dec..but she's visited some of her co-workers and the residents a couple of times...probably more for something to do than anything. So yesterday, she goes and she has a Baby Book that she apparently started. My friend said there was a pic of her first sonogram, pics of her and DH, with her showing her belly...and then, pics made at the funeral home and the grave site. And, while I didn't do that when our baby died...I understand the emotional state this girl is in. She's trying to do something...anything that will "connect" her to the baby she's lost. (I probably did things that other people thought were "off the wall..but it brought ME comfort). She wasn't showing the book to everyone...just those she is really close to.
Anyway, the Mommy is really close to one of the residents there...looks at her as a Grandmother. The little old lady was also looking forward to this baby and was broken hearted when he died. But, yesterday the Mommy gave the little old lady an 8 X 10 pic of the baby..in the casket.....in a FRAME!! After she'd left, the little lady told my friend that she didn't know what to say when the girl gave it to her. My friend said it's just sitting there on the end table. The little lady said she didn't know WHAT to do with it. If she packs it away....it'll probably hurt the Mommy.....but the little lady is uncomfortable with it sitting out.
I asked my friend if the little lady had young grandchildren that visit, thinking maybe she could tell the Mommy that the picture "upset the kids". Nope! Lady has NO children or grandchildren. I also need to add that the baby didn't "look good".....but I also know the Mommy doesn't SEE this. ALL she sees is her baby boy!!
Even though I have been through what this girl is going through, I don't know what the answer is. I have pictures of my baby..but I never felt like "sharing" them. To me, they were personal. Actually, no one in our family even has copies of them.
It's only been a month (Dec.4th) and I know right now her hormones and emotions are out of whack. There are those that feel she should be "getting over" it....but for those of us that have lost a child, we know that's not going to happen. The time will come when she can deal or cope with her grief..but that may be a ways off.....a long way off!
How can this be handled without hurting the Mommy or her taking it wrong?