The loss of my son.....

barb_64December 25, 2007

I had lost my son on December 10th this year. I had recieved that dreaded call at 4:40 am, it was my daughter. Telling me to get to the hospital it was Chris. He has head injuries. That is the worst call any parent can get. Chris is my first and only son. There are stories about what happened. There are now only 3 people who know what happened.....The driver, the other boy and God.

Anyways, when I went to the ICU in the emergency room...there was my son....Blood dripping out of his left ear. OMG...How could this happen to my son. The doctors and nurses tried everything to help my son. They had done brain tests on him to see if any response...THERE WERE NONE !! I pleaded with him and God to help him. The doctors has pronounced him brain dead on December 10th. We took him off of the resperator on Dec 11th and donated his organs thru the GIFT OF LIFE. I know people dont think of things like this. But, it happens....what would you do if it was your family needing an organ. I just look at it this way....My son may not be alive, but, he is alive helping other people with his organs/tissues. Its up to you to help other strangers. I know that nite.....WE MADE 5 STRANGERS CHRISTMAS !! But, he can help up to 52 people with other things. I just cant wait to meet these people that we had helped.....I just have to be strong for my 2 girls !!!


Thank you and God Bless

Barb Bass

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I am so sorry for the loss of your son Barb, as a Mother with sons, I can only think that the only thing worse than losing my Mother (She was the only parent I had) would be losing a child.

When my Mother passed there was nothing to donate.. It makes me sad.. I asked, and they said no...

    Bookmark   December 25, 2007 at 3:51PM
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Dear Barb,

Please accept my sympathies. Although the circumstances were different, I lost my third son 14 years ago and then this year my wife passed at age 50.

No words I have can comfort you but you are in my prayers.

Best wishes,


    Bookmark   December 25, 2007 at 11:49PM
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Dear Barb,

I am sorry for the loss of your son. How wonderful that he was able to gift his organs to 5 different people. They do a lot of kidney transplants at the hospital where I work, and you can not imagine how happy these people are to receive the ultimate gift.

I hope that knowing he has helped other people will make it a little bit easier for you and your daughters to go on.

    Bookmark   December 26, 2007 at 12:32AM
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Barb, I'm soo sorry to hear about the loss of your son. Your story sounds a lot like mine. My beautiful 19 year old daughter was hit by a truck while trying to save our dog who had been hit by a car. She was put on life support, but had never regained consciousness.... brain dead for 15 hours. We donated her organs and get peace from knowing that she is giving life and sight to others. Christin's accident was April 5, 1998. It seems like yesterday since this horrible thing happened in our family. You will survive, Barb. I know it feels like you won't, but you will. You learn to live without your child and try to remember that you will see him again.
My email address is: if you feel like "talking" ever.
I found that my life line was talking to others who knew my pain. There are many around.
Lulie Cosby

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Website

    Bookmark   December 30, 2007 at 11:01PM
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Barb, My deepest sympathies to you. I am so sorry. We lost our son and our oldest granddaughter suddenly on June 17, 2003. The accident killed them instantly and there was no possibility of donation. What makes me very sad is that there is nothing at all left of either one of them except our memories and the memories of others who knew and loved them. I know the sadness of losing a child, but it must bring some small measure of comfort to you to know that his death was not totally in vain and that others are helped by him.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2008 at 10:02AM
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Barb I remember that call so well. 5am, our Chris was in the ER, come right away. He had been struck by a car, and his injuries were too severe. I remember later receiving the letter that two young men his age could now see because of his organ donation. That gave me such comfort, to know that in some way he lived on.
The day will come when it's not the first thing you think of in the morning, or the last thing you think of at night. That is when you know that you will continue with life and remember, you will see him again.
I'm so sorry for your loss. There is a chinese saying, "The greatest curse of the gods is for a parent to outlive a child". I believe it.

    Bookmark   January 11, 2008 at 8:43AM
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I'm so deeply sorry for the loss of your son. My heart aches for you. How noble of you to share his body with others who need help. Take care of yourself.

    Bookmark   January 12, 2008 at 11:40PM
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Here is an update that I got from "The Gift of LIfe" about my sons organs. my sons liver, kidneys, and pancreas went to an adult male. I recieved a letter from the Michigan EyeBank and his eye donation went to a young woman from Lansing. It gave her a 2nd chance for sight !! I hope someday I will be able to meet these people that my son has helped live on.
Thank you and God Bless
Barb B. ( from Rockwood, MI)

    Bookmark   January 15, 2008 at 2:58PM
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What a generous and beautiful gift from you and your darling son. I bet he's smiling down at you right now.

    Bookmark   January 16, 2008 at 12:55PM
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I just wanted to share with brother had a disease called Wilson's disease where the liver collects got so bad his liver failed, he was in the hospital and the docs had given him 7 days to live if they did not find a liver. Fortunately for us (and I am so sorry for someone else) they found a liver within days as it was a Holiday weekend. Someone's donation saved my brother's life...he has two daughters, single parent...we are so grateful to the person who donated that gave my brother more years to really did a good thing and affected so many lives. It definitely has made my whole family more aware of how important it is to donate organs whenever possible.

I am SO sorry for the loss of your son.

    Bookmark   January 18, 2008 at 9:10PM
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thankyou for donating your sons remains and my prayers are with you tonight

    Bookmark   February 3, 2008 at 1:36PM
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Hi barb - I haven't been here in a while but I suggested someone check out this site and I wanted to check up on them so if it had helped. I'm posting here because I too got the call - only I was on vacation out of state. I flew back in time to see her but she never awakened from surgery. My sister spoke with her in the hospital - I know that still haunts my sister that she was the last person that spoke with her.

She was my only child and was 18 at the time. It's been almost 14 years but every once in a while, I just do the "grunt" thing - I guess to dismiss the thought. That being said, I think I'm as OK and OK can be - I still get up every morning and am glad that she was in my life. I hope you are doing OK, as well as the rest of your family. I've met so many people in the same situation, and unfortunately, the list grows, daily. It's pretty sad but not hopeless. I just look at my daughter's pictures and ask her what to do. She just tells me to keep smiling, or tells me to remember one of her practial jokes!! That really makes me smile!

God Bless...


    Bookmark   February 6, 2008 at 9:28PM
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I just want to give everyone an update. I recieved a letter/card from my son, Chris's kidney recipient. I had replied back to him telling him if he craves pepperoni pizza blame my son...He would eat that 24/7 if he God Bless

    Bookmark   February 29, 2008 at 7:50AM
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My heart breaks for you, God bless you. I was reading through because I am grieving for my dad who recently died, but cannot even fathom the loss of my son or daughter. What a wonderful gift you gave in a time of immeasurable grief. May god grant you the peace you seek. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    Bookmark   March 9, 2008 at 9:01PM
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We also have been through the terrible night, at 2;30, we had the knock on the door and the sheriff was there to ask if we had a son named Sean and that his car had gone off the road and rolled over. He was being air-lifted to the hospital and that we should go there right away. We had to go by the crash site on our way to the hospital it was heart wrenching. His heart had stopped but the emt's where able to start it again. He was pronounced brain dead four days later. It was enough time to get his four brothers and one sister there to say good bye and we love you. It happened Nov. 12,2009 and we have not even begun to come to terms with this. We also donated his organs and he has given eight people a new chance for a fuller life. Hopefully in time we will find peace with this. Good luck to you and yours for this is a very hard road to walk

    Bookmark   May 17, 2011 at 9:55PM
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My heart breaks for you. I know your pain first hand. There isn't anything that can be said to bring you release from your pain.

You did a good thing for others, and your son will in someway live on in them.

I hope you find peace in your generosity.

    Bookmark   July 22, 2011 at 12:26AM
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To those who have lost a child I have regretfully joined the club. My son choked to death after work on July 18, 2011. I had dropped him off at my parents after he got off work and by the time I got almost home I got a phone call telling me he couldn't breathe get back there fast. It evidently happened as soon as I left and my parents were trying to save him and didn't call me to come back. It took me about 15 minutes to get back there and the paramedics were working on him in my parents' living room floor. He was already gone. He was 30 years old and I do not know how I am going to get through this. He too was an organ donor but they wouldn't take his eyes since he had eye surgery as a child.
He was sick as a child but lately had been healthy and happy and working everyday. He helped me take care of my parents since they are old and not well. He was born with spina bifida and most people thought he was an invalid, but he was not an invalid, he was one of the most capable people I knew. I keep asking myself why one of the sweetest people in the world would be taken from those who loved him the most when there are people who don't deserve to draw another breath walking around happy and healthy. I hope some day I can learn to cope with life without him.
My condolences to those who have lost a loved one, especially a child. I had just started processing the loss of my little sister in February of this year when my son died. Today my husband and I ordered his headstone. Not what I wanted to do for the next 40 years.

    Bookmark   August 30, 2011 at 6:30PM
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I am sorry for all your loss's I am sorry that I too am here. I lost my Son, Sean on July 31st 2011, he was 28, 28 years longer than the doctors said he would be, he was born with a rare disorder Kiple Trenuay Webber. Every year he was here made it seem as he would be here forever, I miss him soo much, he was my Son, my best freind, my hero, and my soul mate, I miss him sooo much. I read all the stories and it is like stuff I have written on my own notes,I have completely fallen apart, lack of sleep, no drive, thought about not being hear anymore and so on and so on. from what I read I do not have much hope for the future, the only thing I can look forward to is someday being reunited with him in heaven, I fear that I will have a long life as I dont think I can go on like this. My son struggled throughout his life, but he loved life and took full advantage of it, I could go on forever about how great he was but it would be to long, everytime he beat death the Doctors said it was because he just loved life so much.I remember when I was told that his kidneys failed and would need a transplant, thank God I was a match. The kidney gave him an additional 7 1/2 years before it failed he went into dyalisis wich slowly wore him down until he could not take it any more.
I know he is in a better place, everyone tells me, it is me that is not, I have accepted that he is no longer with me, and is no longer in pain, but I miss him sooo much, my house seems dead as do I. I am dreading the upcomming holidays, I dont know what to do, I miss Sean sooo much.
I have said that I wish these feeling on no one, but unfortunatley there seems to be plenty of you, Ill pray for you, please do the same for me.
Seans Daddy

    Bookmark   October 5, 2011 at 11:49AM
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Sean's Daddy,
We lost our special sons just a couple of weeks apart. My son was 30 and choked to death but he was born with spina bifida and had medical problems his whole life. The doctors stopped putting a timeline on how long he would live and he shocked them all. Lately, for the past 10 years he was healthy and happy and able to work. On the night he died I picked him up from work and we talked about how excited he was that the mall that flooded last year was going to open in just a few short months so he could get back to seeing his friends and being able to roll around and get exercise. He hated working where he was but did so because it kept his job open.
At my son's funeral everyone spoke to me about how my son changed their lives by being so nice and happy and generous and always had a smile on his face and made them feel better about whatever they were going through.
Your Sean sounds like the same kind of person. You will continue to hear for a long time from people who knew Sean how good he made them feel. Most people see those who are medically unsound, as invalids and yet they prove over and over again that they are not, that they are as capable as anyone else. Especially when it comes to how to deal with the trials and tribulations of life.
I do not want to go on without my son here with me, but I know that I have to. I have something to do in his name and that's why he was taken and I was left.
It is so unfair that we have to bury our children, especially those who are as special as ours.
I cry for my son everyday and will for the rest of my life. He was my everything and I put him before everyone else, he was the air that I breathed and my reason for living. I do not know how I am going to get past today and through tomorrow. I am fortunate enough to be self-employed and able to work when I can and take time for myself when I need to. Please do the same for yourself.
It's so hard to wake up in the morning and feel like I am late taking him to work, only to realize he's not here to take to work. At 4:30 in the afternoon I feel the urgency to get in the car and pick him up from work, only to remember he's not at work anymore. On Sundays it's so hard for me to watch football games...I find myself reaching for the phone to see what he thinks about plays and coaches and other things. I have to make myself call my parents' house because the last few months of his life, he answered their phone and I want him to answer, I want to walk through their door and see him sitting at the computer in his underwear where he just rolled out of the bed on his day off. It's so hard, but then I think about how hard it must be for my parents. He lived with them and took care of them for years. What 30 year old would choose to take care of old people instead of whatever it is 30 year olds do now? He was special as was your Sean. They will never be forgotten and will live on in our hearts and minds as well as the hearts and minds of those whose lives they touched.
Take one hour at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time. We will make it, but it won't be easy.
Take care of yourself.

    Bookmark   October 9, 2011 at 10:59PM
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also lost my son..18 ..horrible accident with a tractor only son...I think soul mate is a ridiculous term...but this kid...was mine...he was so badly broken up there was no ability to do what u did...after a year and a half I surely felt I would be in better shape...but it's coming up to his accident anniversary and birthday, both in the same month...and I'm a disaster...thanks for listening

    Bookmark   August 30, 2013 at 4:16PM
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