Inheritance...change in plans of parents, do you tell?

Vickey__MNDecember 13, 2004

Okay my mom passed away in May, so holidays are going to be hard enough. Years ago Mom promised my niece (Meg) she'd get a certain doll when Mom died (Doll is a collector doll). Well a few years ago there was a falling out, niece was mouthy and rude (not necessarily uncalled for, but could have handled situation better). My sister has been mentioning that her DD gets the doll, remember Dad Mom promised DD doll, etc. Dad didn't say anything, but I found out Saturday when dividing up some belongings that after the above mentinoed falling out Mom said to Dad (not to my niece), that there was no way she wanted Meg to have that doll anymore. There is enough tension with sister anyway (long story short, she won't change plans to spend time with Dad), and I don't want to add fuel to the fire, but I also think it's unfair that she doesn't know that Meg isn't getting this special doll.

Do you think I should tell my sis so she can bring it up to Meg, or since it's really none of my business let things go, it is up to Dad anyway. But then what do I say when Dad passes away and Meg doesn't get the doll..yes I knew years ago but felt it wasn't my place to say anything?

Okay to add more confusion, there is a good chance my olders daughter could get the doll, she is the first grandchild, and was Mom's favorite.

Vickey-MN

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Nell Jean

Reread your own post very carefully and I think you'll find your own answers. The issues here don't really seem to be about the doll.

Was your mother a forgiving type? Were things said in anger meant to last forever?
Who gets punished here? Who stands to gain?
Why is it important that Sister know the anticipated final outcome of the doll now, and hear it from you?
Is the value of this item worth more than family harmony?

    Bookmark   December 13, 2004 at 1:07PM
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lulie___wayne

I would talk to my dad about this. I would ask him to go ahead and give the doll to who thinks should get it, before he is gone. He must know in his heart who he/his wife would want to have the doll. I wouldn't discusss it with my sister. She may just think that you want your daughter to have it. It's really up to your dad now. If he doesn't clear it up now, it could really cause trouble between you and your sister when he is gone. I doubt that your dad would want family discord over a doll no matter how valuable it is.
I hope this helps.
Lu

    Bookmark   December 14, 2004 at 12:03AM
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dcrowex

i have to agree...at this point, i would stay out of it as it may appear you have other intentions. but your dad should clear this up by expressing his wishes (even if he follows your mothers wishes) before he passes on. might not be a bad idea to put it in writing so there is no question about it. the bottom line, once he makes the decision, the other family members should respect it and then let it go. it is also up to the other family members not to allow family discord.

deb

    Bookmark   December 18, 2004 at 1:15PM
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