For pigcrazy - Daughter's suicide
Pigcrazy - I took the liberty of starting a new thread for you - I hope you don't mind.
You said - "I wish I had the same kind of responses that you seem to be having. I lost my daughter back on 1/1/03 to suicide ~today is her birthday and I deal with major depression issues due to medical issues of my own and then I live with the fact that I saw my daughter shot herself in front of me. Anyone that says it gets easier over time I wish you could explain to me how because it is stills as painful as the second that it happened."
Please accept my sympathies on the passing of your daughter. I'm sure your pain is very great and the feeling of loss smacks you in the face everyday.
I can only tell you about my experience with my wife's suicide and how I have come to peace with it. Everyone's experience is different of course and your reactions to them will also be uniquely your own.
I would guess you have some mental pictures of some of the scenes that day that continue to pop up and torment you. I also saw some pretty bad things - although I know I saw them, I have made a conscious effort to not recall them. My pre-teen sons saw worse. Their counselor and I have worked hard to replace those last images of their mom with positive images. This is not denial of what they saw but rather reducing it in importance. Perhaps you could try a similar technique - concentrate on happy images and events that you two shared. It's hard to do but when I remember my wife, I picture her as a healthly, happy person - which in reality she wasn't for the last 10+ years of her life.
But the biggest help I found was talking through my feelings to anyone that would listen. Over and over and over until you are all talked out. That's something we can do for you here in this forum. Almost all of us have suffered some major event that resulted in crushing grief as you have.
We know what you are talking about and you won't upset any of us or be a burden.
Would you please come back and tell us whatever you feel comfortable to share? It may be very helpful for you.
Best wishes and prayers,